Sex Advice and Techniques

This is the nonfiction, accurate, sex-positive sex info motherlode! Articles and advice on sex, practical techniques and explicit instructions, anatomy lessons, safer sex info — and howto’s on a variety of esoteric sex and sex/tech topics. Yay! Listen to a wide variety of explicit nonfiction sex howto’s in my podcast, open source sex.

See also: the free downloadable .PDF e-book, The Modern Safer Sex Guide.

Here are a few fun howto’s I’ve blogged recently: How to Porn Surf, Safely * Unsafe Sex Products * howto: sex in space * craft corner: DIY porn in iPhoto! * tiny nibbles research labs: Lifestyles SKYN condoms (new non-latex material review)

* Rumor has it that when you get married, you stop having sex. That’s why I researched and wrote, My Big Fat Sexless Marriage – Violet Blue demands a solution.

* Is it possible to be in a committed relationship and also have sex with, or even love other people? In this fantastic interview with the author of “Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships“, I find out a lot of tips and answers. Read Open relationships demystified – Violet Blue gets advice on coupling with ‘eyes wide open’.

* Sharing sex when you or someone you love is a survivor of sexual trauma is regretfully a frequently asked series of questions. I got some practical, real, useful information in From sexual trauma to healing sex – Author Staci Haines opens up to Violet Blue about sexual healing after incest, rape or abuse.

* Public Sex details how to safely have sex in public.

* Get the basics on making fantasy reality in Erotic Fantasies for Couples.

* In Fetish Sex, I go beyond the stereotypes to explore fetish and fetish fashion, answering many questions about who and why, and give solid advice on what to do (and how to make sex hot) when you or your lover has a fetish.

* In The Art of Dirty Talk, learn all about getting started with saying naughty things to your lover — and much more. This article tells you how to move past those first nervous moments, how to come up with things to say (without sounding like a porn bimbo), and ways you can use hot talk as a sex toy.

* Want tips and tricks to make a bachelorette party fun, for real? I get so nauseated by the lame prepackaged bachelorette BS that novelty companies try to sell — so much that I came up with my own Bachelorette Party Guide.

* Sometimes there’s a fantasy — an idea, sex act like anal sex, or urge to try something new public sex — that we just have to share. In Introducing New Sexual Fantasies to a Lover, learn how to bring it up and get started down the road to making your fantasy a reality.

* The idea is to make the man into the machine — a living vibrator — but do these rings really work? I put a test boy through scrupulous ordeals and found out which ones work like a charm in Vibrating Cock Rings.

* When you travel with sex toys, or are lesbian, gay or trans, ill-advised and insensitive airport security staff can make a sexy vacation into an airport nightmare. In Travel Advisory read how to keep travel as safe as possible, and what to do if you think you might be “singled out” by security staff.

* Can you use a double dildo with a guy, or are they just for porn stars to make fake lesbian videos with? Find out in A Girl, A Boy, and Their Double Dildos.

* A while back a reader wrote me and asked which lubes are best for people whose genitals are sensitive to harsh chemicals — and whose aren’t? I responded with A Slippery Situation: Lubes, all about the most natural lubes you can buy, and how they rate in my in-the-field-tests.

* Wanna have sex like a porn star? Not really. Porn performers take some pretty serious risks to have all that unprotected sex with strangers — find out in The Realities of Porn Sex what’s safe, what’s not, and how porn stars are protecting themselves (or not).

* I followed that article up with a piece in the San Francisco Chronicle, where I asked different performers about their physical prep for sex scenes in How to have sex like a porn star: You too can have glamorous porn star sex; Violet Blue gets techniques from the pros.

* But how do the porn performers themselves feel about what they do? I wanted to find out what the emotional (and physical) realities are like for the new generation of young women who love extreme sport fucking, and do it on camera. Read my San Francisco Chronicle article, Sex for money, not love: Violet Blue asks rising adult superstar Lorelei Lee about the differences between sex work and sex not-for-work.

* Newbies to porn! What to know before watching your first adult video, what to expect, and how to avoid what you don’t want to see.

* Why Don’t They Mix S/M With Sex? A common complaint I hear from porn viewers is that they want to see S/M mixed with sex in mainstream porn — but the combination is nearly impossible to find. Unless you visit, that is.

* Porn music sucks — and I’ve begun a series of articles exploring the world of porn music. Some hate it, some love it, subcultures have sprung up around it, and porn has yet to really master it, and who knew there was so much to this sub genre? Bad porn music is like an embarrassing side effect of a promising arousal pill, and is part and parcel of our porn viewing experience. Most porn consumers hate it (and most porn reviewers loathe it), yet we are stuck with it during some pretty crucial masturbatory moments, and we either put up with it or consign ourselves to the mute button. Read more in Porn Music Still Sucks, Part One.

* Porn Music Still Sucks Part Two: The Filmmakers Good music in porn? It’s not a myth — it’s out there, and this article shows you where to find it. Part two in my series about the vagaries of porn music examines why music in porn needs to be different than music for non-erotic films, and reviews porn directors whose careful attention to music makes their porn superior films.

* There’s a fantastic indie porn film fest that tours North America every year — read about it in Have Highbrow Porn, Will Travel – Violet Blue investigates CineKink, the X-rated Sundance.

* In the whole hugely vast genre of all-sex films, one name is king: to me, that’s John “Buttman” Stagliano. Every once in a while he makes a plot-driven feature, and his latest, The Fashionistas, won like a million awards. Who is this guy? Find out in Deep Inside Buttman.

* Perfect Picks for Couples So, you want to watch porn with your sweetie, but don’t know where to begin? Porn for couples is an emerging market with a lot of crappy choices, but with criteria for high production values and real heat, you can make your screening a success.

* Traci, I used to love you. But now, after reading Traci Lords’ Underneath it All, her daytime-TV morality toward the industry that made her famous makes me want to retch. Read why in my claw-sharpening review, Traci Lords’ Ordeal.

* A Long Kiss Goodnight to Linda Lovelace Legendary star of Deep Throat died from a car crash, but that was nothing compared to the car wreck that was the intermingling of her public and private lives. Not to mention the effect she had on our nation’s psyche on porn.

* Adam Glasser, Fisting, and the Law Los Angeles County just had its first obscenity case in eight years, and it revolved around a fisting video, a porn producer’s 70-year old mother, and a crazy prohibition-style raid. What gives? Adam Glasser, who was also featured in Frontline’s American Porn debacle, was the sudden target of the LA City Attorney’s attention — but he didn’t give up without a fight.

* Visit my cunnilingus page for a complete multimedia educational experience about this sex act, including video, audio, articles and anatomical imagery.

* Enjoy this his-and-hers explicit how-to: Hot Oral Sex: His and Hers.

* Recently, there are a growing number of little clit pumps manufactured purely for pleasure. The adult toy industry has been cranking them out lately, attesting to the surge in popularity for women who want to add suction to their sex-toy arsenal of pleasure. In Clit Suckers, I try these little devices out, and with the help of a sexy assistant, I see what all the excitement is about.

* Femmes are damn sexy — that’s the point of all the lipstick, the lacy undergarments, and yes, even the engineer boots and skinned knees. When a girl goes down on another girl, how does she avoid turning her lipstick into clown makeup? Keeping your lipstick perfect during oral sex is one of the femme’s ultimate challenges — and triumphs. Read how in Put Your Lips Together and Blow.

* Taste of a Woman What do girls taste like? Sugar and spice and everything nice? Well, almost. The way a woman tastes depends on several factors, but when you’re getting ready to go down on a woman, it’s nice to have an idea of what’s in store.

* I get a lot of questions about using flavored lubricants — about their taste, how they are on genital health, and creative ways to use them. I responded with this article exploring the joys and pitfalls of edible sex toys, Flavored Lubes and Other Tasty Treats.

* Self-Pleasuring for Women Masturbation is the golden key to female sexuality, and you can use it to have better, stronger and more reliable orgasms. Or if you’ve never had one, exploring masturbation will help you. You can even use masturbation to learn how to come when receiving cunnilingus.

* Want a shave? Okay, sure. But what’s this… you want to shave your delicate bits? You’re not alone — shaving increases skin-to-skin contact and can make oral sex outta this world. Read A Close Shave on Tender Parts and learn the basics on shaving your most tender bits, with practical advice for those of us who are especially sensitive to razor burn.

* Cunnilingus and Safer Sex When you engage in unprotected cunnilingus, are you at risk? Find out what you can and can’t catch, and what the known limits of safety are. Also, learn how to keep yourself safe, and what safer sex gear to use when going down.

* Look up what you want to do, or what you’ve already done, and see what you’re at risk for. See also: the free downloadable .PDF e-book, The Modern Safer Sex Guide.

* Female Pleasure-Based Anatomy Get to know your way around, and how she responds to stimulation. Once you know what things are — and the surprising extent of the clitoris — you’ll have a better handle on finding out what she likes.

* Visit my fellatio page for a complete multimedia educational experience about this sex act, including video, audio, articles and anatomical imagery.

* Anatomy of a Man It helps to know what you’re licking and sucking. Join in on this tour of the male genital pleasure system.

* Taste of a Man What can you expect when you go down on a man, I mean, what is he going to taste like? Find out this, and other interesting facts for your palate (such as sweetening his ejaculate) in this vivid exploration.

* Can oral sex give you cancer? Don’t believe the hype — but do believe that studies about oral HPV have some pretty potent warnings that shouldn’t go unheeded. Read Oral Sex and Oral Cancer.

* What keeps us our sexy femme selves is our kissable, color swept lips — but keeping the lipstick intact is a trick in and of itself, especially when we’re favoring our lucky lovers with hot kisses and a ravenous blowjob on a real or silicone cock. Keeping your lipstick perfect is one of the ultimate challenges — and triumphs. Read how in Put Your Lips Together and Blow.

* Blow Jobs and Safer Sex When you go down on a man, what are you at risk for? Find out what you can and can’t catch when you give head, and find out how to make giving head safe and sexy at the same time.

* Visit my rimming page for a complete multimedia educational experience about this sex act, including video, audio, articles and inspiring erotica.

* Rimming 101 Read the article that received loads of praise and relieved emails. It covers all the bases. Learn about cleanliness, safety, getting started and more.

* Rimming (or analingus, face-sitting, or rim jobs) is the intensely pleasurable act of licking or penetrating your partner’s anus with your tongue. Take your rimming knowledge to the next level in my latest article detailing some of the more advanced techniques, Rimming: 102.


  1. Hello! I’ve been looking all over trying to find a how-to for cleaning, storing and maintaining leather harnesses. I just can’t seem to find a comprehensive guide and the product manufacturers websites have nothing at all. (I just sent an email to Stormy Leather requesting product care information and that it be available on their website as well as with every product they sell.)

    My specific questions: What is the best way to clean and store a leather harness? What products can be used to make older harnesses more supple and smooth without causing harm to the wearer and where can they be found? What can be done to save a harness that has mold growing on it?

    Thanks for your time! -jp

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