How to Rim Someone by Violet Blue

Rimming, or analingus, is when you kiss, caress or penetrate your lover’s anal opening with your tongue. For many people, rimming is a delicious experience, both on the giving and the receiving end. Some say there is nothing as arousing as having their lover’s warm, soft tongue and lips give them pleasure in such an incredibly intimate place, and those who love to give it find the experience equally as arousing. Also, the feeling of doing something taboo or “dirty” heightens the experience for some. Because the delicate pucker of the anus is packed with sensitive nerve endings, rimming can be all it takes to push someone over the orgasmic edge. For them, the charge is an unparalleled erotic spark.

For sex, rimming adds a new spectrum of pleasure to the sexual experience. A fantastic blowjob can include delicate licks and flutters of the tongue on and around the anus. With cunnilingus, rimming will be the last thing on the menu, so as not to spread any germs from the rectum to the vagina. Rimming can also be a great introduction to the sensation of anal penetration.

For men and women who enjoy anal penetration, this is a delicious tease for the main course to come, and for men who aren’t sure about penetration, with rimming they can comfortably try out the sensation of anal stimulation to see if they might like it.

The easiest position for rimming is doggie-style, with the rim-ee on all fours. This way you can gently spread their cheeks with your hands, and see everything clearly as you dip your tongue in and out. If he has a lot of hair down there, this position is optimal for parting the furry seas — and if this notion makes you uncomfortable, let it be known that everyone has hair down there.

If you do not naturally have hair around your anus, you are either a) too young to be reading this, b) you shave it, or c) you are a genetic anomaly. Doggie-style licking is ideal because it also provides a fantastic rear view, and you can squeeze, rub and pull on other areas as you lick. On a man, you can pull their erect penis back between their legs for reverse cocksucking, though a few men may find this uncomfortable. When in doubt, ask how it feels.

With the delicate pucker of the anus in full view, gently kiss and lick their cheeks as they slope inwards toward the crack. Work your way closer into the furrow, taking your time to let them get used to the sensation — or to tease them if you know they like it. You can make your first touch in a couple of ways:

* Lick the entire furrow from top to bottom like an ice cream, with a big, flat tongue.

* With softened lips, kiss it directly, over and over.

* Press your flattened tongue against the opening and hold it, then slowly start to move it in up and down or an in and out massage.

* With the very tip of your tongue, lightly lick in a ring around the rim of the opening –- “rimming” them.

You can start with one of these and try them all out to see what they like, and when you find something your lover moans, groans and pushes their butt in your face about, stay with it for a few minutes. Gradually, work your tongue into a rythym with a short, firm lick. Continue the beat for a while: this will get ‘em pretty aroused. If you decide you want to go a further step, begin darting your tongue in as you lick, graduating to what’s called “tongue-fucking.” Moan your appreciation and see how your lover responds — moaning vibrates your tongue and simulates a vibrator. When you want your guy to explode, slide a lubed hand onto his cock and jack him off while you lick — there’s no sensation in the world like it. Try this trick on a woman with your fingers flattened, pressing and rubbing her clit in circles.

Those recipients with lower back pain or mobility issues can simulate the doggie position by lying on their stomachs with pillows under their hips, comfortably raising their butts for optimal licking. Lying stomach-up with pillows under their butt is also an option, though you have to spread their legs pretty wide for access. In this position, placing pillows under your knees can help ease strain on your lover’s back. Laying sideways may be comfortable, too, but they’ll want to put a pillow between his legs for the lower back, and the pillow will also serve to keep their legs slightly spread, and they may eventually end up on his stomach as you pull his cheeks apart.

Cleanliness is often the number one concern for would-be rimmers and rim-ee’s alike. Taking a nice long shower or bath beforehand is always recommended, and you can both bathe together to make it part of the seduction. If your partner is reluctant because of the cleanliness issues, begin rimming in the shower, where you’ll both make everything squeaky clean. Those who are comfortable with enemas can take one before showering and know they’re clean from the inside-out.

Though rimming is certainly enjoyable, it isn’t a completely safe activity. Unprotected, it can transmit hepatitis A, anal herpes, anal warts, and possibly viruses such as HIV. Always use a barrier for rimming — but if you insist on barrier-free rimming, get a hepatitis A shot. If one of you has a viral STD, such as herpes, HPV, hepatitis C, or HIV, safer-sex practices are necessary — required — to prevent transmission, especially if you have a cut or bite in your mouth. Risk is greatly increased for both partners if you recently brushed or flossed your teeth; both activities cause tiny cuts and bleeding within your mouth.

Dams

If neither of you have any latex sensitivities, you can use dental dams, or lollyes. Dental dams are small squares of latex that are used in dentistry to isolate a tooth, and they transmit sensation well when both sides are lubricated. Exactly where this idea came from is unknown (though I can imagine a few scenarios), yet these little quivery origami squares make great oral sex barriers.

Dental dams are on the thick side — thicker than a condom — so the sex industry answered back with thinner, larger squares of latex. Glyde Lollyes are thin 10″ by 6″ sheets that come in both flavored and unflavored versions. Lixx are even thinner, yet smaller (5″ by 5″) and also have flavored or plain versions. If you can’t find dams, you can cut open a condom or a latex or non-latex glove.

The best way to use dental dams and other smaller barriers is to first mark the “up” side of your barrier with a pen (in case it slips or slides), then apply a drop or two of water-based lube to the recipient’s anus. Press the barrier in place, and you’re all set. Those little dental dams can be slippery when wet, so be sure to hold it in place with your hands. Remember to switch dams when switching activities.

Gloves


If you plan on adding a finger or two to your rimming session, gloves are essential for keeping bacteria off your fingers, and make it easy to avoid spreading harmful bacteria from anus to vagina (yours or his, if he has one). Going from vagina to anus is fine, but not the other way around, and that goes for oral contact as well. If you want to do that without interruptions, try wearing two gloves on one hand.

Finger Cots

You can find singular little finger condoms called finger cots (used to protect fingers with cuts from the environment, used a lot in restaurants) at your local pharmacy. Finger cots are great for fingers that are inclined to dip into the anus, and are very discreet.

Plastic Wrap

Latex allergies are no fun, and they can rear their ugly heads as a rash, chronic infections, or as a severe allergy leading to anaphylactic shock — which is sadly becoming more common as latex is manufactured more cheaply and with low-grade additives. When in doubt, use Plastic Wrap (aka Saran Wrap); it does the trick of providing a safe barrier for rimming nicely and has playful advantages. It can be even better than those slippery little squares because you can use long sheets of it and see through it. Just be sure to get the non-microwaveable kind, to avoid the microscopic holes essential for keeping your burrito from bursting in the microwave.

Flavored lubricants are an option for people who want to try rimming but shudder at the notion of tasting their lover’s natural flavors, though they come with several caveats. Flavored lubes taste awful, no matter if you bought the lime, kiwi, or pina colada version. They’re packed with sugar, and are not an option for diabetics or people who don’t tolerate the effects of sugar or carbohydrates very well. But they do their job somewhat well, transforming the eager anus into an artificially-raspberry-smelling orifice, just be sure to never, ever purchase lubes marketed for “anal ease” or “Anal-Eze”.

Most lubes sold specifically for anal use contain large amounts of numbing agents, such as benzocane, which diminish sensation and will leave you with a numb tongue. They’re manufactured by an industry that believes anal penetration of any kind to be painful, when in reality, anal penetration isn’t painful if you do it right. If it hurts, then something’s wrong, and you don’t want to mask important signals the body might be trying to send. Besides, who wants a numb butt?

Learn even more in the article, Rimming 102: An Advanced HowTo Guide to Rimming.

Violet Blue

The London Times named Violet Blue "One of the 40 bloggers who really count" and Self Magazine named TinyNibbles one of the “Best Sex Resources for Women.” Blue is an autodidact and pundit on sex and technology, hacking and security, porn for women, privacy and bleeding-edge tech culture. She is a journalist for ZDNet, CBS News, CNET; she's an educator, speaker, crisis counselor, volunteer NGO trainer, and the author and editor of over 40 award-winning books.

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