Sex In Public: Laws, Safety, Fun and Consent by Violet Blue

Public sex can be pivotal. The rush of blind lust that makes you both need it — right here, right now — and the risk of discovery are the stuff that sexual fantasies are made of. Having a quickie in a secluded part of the parking lot is just as sexually explosive as it is perilous. Not to mention the role-playing possibilities for public sex are almost endless. When you do try it, you’ll be in the mood for deliciously rushed sex, but still keenly aware of your surroundings, aware of the risks, and knowledgeable about what gets your lover off in the most quick and sure-fire manner.

In many counties, public displays of nudity and sex are against the law and if you get caught, an upset officer might arrest you on a variety of charges. Be very aware of the laws about public sex in your area. If you get caught, you will likely go to jail — which is not as sexy in real life as in fantasy. This article is not encouraging anyone to break any laws. In fact, you can even have fantasy public sex without even leaving your house.

Oral sex is best suited for public encounters because one can try to be on the lookout while the other has a happy mouthful, it can be performed relatively quickly, and a minimum of clothing is shed. Mutual masturbation is a discreet and delightfully dirty way to have public sex, with no removal of clothing necessary and simultaneous pleasure for both of you. Vaginal intercourse is next on the list of easily done deeds in public spaces, because skirts and trousers fit genitals together somewhat discreetly, and it’s possible to appear as though you are standing very closely, when in fact you are engaging in penetration. Anal sex is last on the list because it requires lots of extra lubrication, may not be a quick process, and if you are both wearing pants, will be pretty obvious to anyone who discovers you.

If possible, wear clothing that makes your sex act du jour the easiest. Guys should wear boxers with a wide open-fly, and women might want to skip panties altogether, wear crotchless panties, crotchless (or ripped open — yum) tights or pantyhose, and a skirt or dress. Go without a bra and wear a button-down shirt if you want easy access to breasts and/or nipples.

Bring any safer sex gear such as condoms, gloves and dental dams, and toys like lube, finger vibrators, or “pack” your strap-on under your clothing so that you are ready when the time comes. Condoms, dental dams, gloves and lube all can be purchased in small, flat, discreet foil packets that easily slip into a shirt pocket. For instance, Slicks are a dental dam that comes in a single-use sterile foil packet.

Make absolutely sure that no one will see you. It’s part of the thrill, the threat of discovery, but if someone sees you, you are involving him or her in a sex act without their consent. This is a bad thing, not just in terms of police officers, but especially for people who are offended by sexual displays or — even worse — kids. NEVER do anything where someone underage might see you.

Scope out your location before you actually do the deed. Pay a visit (or several) around the time of day or night you think you might have your adventure, and look around. If it seems like someone might actually chance on the two of you locked in a sweaty tango, then choose a different time or location. Think ahead about places to duck for cover, ways to camouflage your activity or a story to tell an authority figure. Make it as hot and fun as you can — public sex is a thrilling encounter that can never be exactly duplicated. Don’t hold back.

Seek out reliably secluded spots, such as a remote place to park, a deserted natural area like a beach or forest, a vacant warehouse, an empty movie theater. The days of joining the “mile high club” on airplanes are over — don’t even consider it, because the consequences are now severe. Some of the following suggestions can seem public but still be private:

* The back of a car (can be parked in a secluded spot)
* Quiet, remote alley
* Public bathrooms (lock the door and choose a low-traffic time)
* Your backyard
* A public park at night
* Abandoned warehouse or waterfront
* Parking garage
* Empty movie theater
* Peep show booths
* Rooftop
* On a boat
* Hotel balcony late at night
* Drive-in theater
* Stairwell
* Your workplace after hours–but have keys and a damn good excuse (and know you’re risking the loss of your job)
* Some places in large cities are notorious for being public sex spots. Use these places only if you are a local and are familiar with the area. If you must cruise, proceed with streetwise caution.

Sexual role-playing in public holds a multitude of delicious possibilities. In fact, you don’t even have to engage in sex publicly to add a charge to your role-play if you wear your costume or enact in role in public. Bringing roles into the big world outside the bedroom can not only lend gravity to a role-playing scene, it can make for some of the hottest spontaneous scenes — and later, sex — you’ve ever had.

You don’t even have to dress up: you can begin talking to each other in role while in a café, at dinner, in a club, in the car on the way home, or while walking. You can try it as a flirt, a prelude to a scene waiting for you at home, or the beginning of your role-play encounter.

Wearing outfits in public such as uniforms or workwear that can pass as everyday clothing is electrifying when only the two of you know you’re dressed that way for sex — and strangers believe you’re who you are dressed as. This works well with typical adult roles such as construction workers, secretaries, corporate authority figure, teacher, biker, repairman, deliveryman, sleazy photographer, or just “sexy stranger” to your lover. You can make delivery calls, “cruise” your lover, or go for a walk or drive together that takes you straight to wherever your sexual rendezvous is planned.

While it’s possible to go out of the house in San Francisco dressed as an adult schoolgirl and have no one bat a false eyelash (especially if you’re male), you must exercise caution with certain roles. Doctors and nurses are sexy, but you don’t want to have someone ask you for needed medical help. Police officers and firefighters don’t take kindly to impersonators, and it goes without saying that pimps, human dogs and adult babies shouldn’t go out in public. Call girl or hooker is a possible role you can play at night, but err on the side of extreme caution. Fake sex workers run all the risks of real sex workers, and besides police, thugs and johns, you might be attacked or chased by real sex workers who don’t want a new girl on their turf. Discreetly pretend to be a high-class call girl in a hotel or pick up your “john” in a safe place instead.

Put some thought into it, be aware of the laws in your area, play safe, and have fun. Public sex encounters can never be duplicated, and that’s a large part of the thrill.

There is more detailed info and suggestions for safe and smart public sex adventures in my book The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy. Here’s the summary:

“With wit and enthusiasm, sex educator Violet Blue encourages couples to talk about and explore fantasies together to deepen erotic intimacy. She takes readers on a tour of the wide world of sexual fantasies, offering expert advice for talking dirty to a partner, playing with toys, role-play, making homemade porn, and exploring fetishes, sex scenes, phone sex, sex games, public sex, sex parties, orgies, sex with strangers, S/M and much more. Packed with tons of games, resources, and lots of fun, The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy is the perfect book for daring readers who want to safely turn their sexual fantasies into reality.”

Violet Blue

The London Times named Violet Blue "One of the 40 bloggers who really count" and Self Magazine named TinyNibbles one of the “Best Sex Resources for Women.” Blue is an autodidact and pundit on sex and technology, hacking and security, porn for women, privacy and bleeding-edge tech culture. She is a journalist for ZDNet, CBS News, CNET; she's an educator, speaker, crisis counselor, volunteer NGO trainer, and the author and editor of over 40 award-winning books.

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