Sex Machines: Sperm Collector (and Analyzer)

For the love of Reddit, for this is where I found a thread about the “blowjob machine” – which is, in fact, the Indian manufactured and Chinese distributed Sperm Collector and Analyzer ($2,900) from medical device/physical therapy equipment manufacturer SanWe medical equipment Co.,Ltd..

Sperm Collector or Blowjob MachineAccording to the manufacturer, the machine is for “semen collection and premature ejaculation desensitization training function.” Each guy gets his own sheath – thoughtful. The functions are described, “The device can simulate the movement of women’s vagina that makes the patient feel comfortable in the process of collecting semen. Provide a full range of visual, auditory stimulation. Private used semen-collection sheath can eliminate contamination of semen.” No word yet on the development of an anal rape simulation machine, though I’ve heard that Sony/Playstation has preemptively filed a patent.

The Reddit thread has many LOLs (though sadly turns into a sexist argument about women as sexual gatekeepers/sex workers). Before the weird sexist digression, great comments include:

“With a name like “Sperm Collector”, what marketing firm couldn’t sell this bad boy?”

“This is going to save me a small fortune on Roomba repair bills!”

“I just want UPS to leave a huge box on my doorstep that reads SPERM COLLECTOR”

And the thread also offered up this hilare Sperm Bank ATM video (which reminds me of my Sperm Bank Teller podcast – a true story!):

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