For the love of Reddit, for this is where I found a thread about the “blowjob machine” – which is, in fact, the Indian manufactured and Chinese distributed Sperm Collector and Analyzer ($2,900) from medical device/physical therapy equipment manufacturer SanWe medical equipment Co.,Ltd..
According to the manufacturer, the machine is for “semen collection and premature ejaculation desensitization training function.” Each guy gets his own sheath – thoughtful. The functions are described, “The device can simulate the movement of women’s vagina that makes the patient feel comfortable in the process of collecting semen. Provide a full range of visual, auditory stimulation. Private used semen-collection sheath can eliminate contamination of semen.” No word yet on the development of an anal rape simulation machine, though I’ve heard that Sony/Playstation has preemptively filed a patent.
The Reddit thread has many LOLs (though sadly turns into a sexist argument about women as sexual gatekeepers/sex workers). Before the weird sexist digression, great comments include:
“With a name like “Sperm Collector”, what marketing firm couldn’t sell this bad boy?”
“This is going to save me a small fortune on Roomba repair bills!”
“I just want UPS to leave a huge box on my doorstep that reads SPERM COLLECTOR”