And Sometimes, I Judge: Hef and Crystal

Crystal Carter

I do my best to blog with opinion and not judgement. But as you may know, sometimes, I do jump on a chair and squeek a bit of OMG, girl you didn’t.

It’s the season of goodwill and stuff, and maybe the fact that I spent what was supposed to be a lovely holiday with the worst near-ER food poisoning ever, I might have emerged today a bit more bitchy than before. Which is why, as I come out of a haze of [redacted] and trying to keep water down, that I emerge to see that the big news from this weekend appears to be that Hugh Hefner Tweeted his engagement to a girl named Crystal – and I have to hoist a tiny, shaky, air-snap over my head and hand it over to Michael at Dlisted:

Today, true love sounds like a hip bone cracking when 84-year-old Hugh Hefner got on one knee with the help of two nurses, an orderly and an EMT to propose marriage to his 24-year-old girlfriend Crystal Harris on Christmas Eve. Hugh (aka an assistant who transcribed the message at his bedside while his new soon-to-be fetus bride dabbed a little congratulatory Desitin on his nalgas) announced on his Twitter last night that he’s engaged to Crystal. This means Crystal will be his third wife. Yup, who ever said gold digging was an easy job never had to wade chin-deep in pepaw slobber and Viagra to get 0.0000085% of the Playboy empire thanks to a little thing called a prenup. Pampers is totally going to provide the wedding attire from the bride AND groom.

This is what Hugh announced last night: (…read more, dlisted.com)

Keep in mind that I think there is nothing wrong with age-play fantasies! Or making a living off of them!

Photo of Crystal Harris aka Crystal Carter from Playboy’s Student Bodies.

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