Image: The actually promising looking teledildonic Virtual Hole (girlsr.tv, site not updated for CES/AVN), via Gizmodo.
I kind of feel bad, like, looking at today’s sex-related posts on Gizmodo make me with I’d sent them with a porn bubble Sherpa or something. First, Jason Chen gets a porn gadget PR marketing lapdance (not literally, but…) in the FyreTV booth. I am happy to see he rates it as a user without having to be all OMGSEX about it, simply reporting,
We got hands-on with the FyreTV living-room porn streaming solution last year at AVN, but this year’s version is even better. Why? Because it’s wireless so you can take it anywhere in your house.
The FyreTV system, which just went out of beta this past month, has a Wi-Fi version of their set-top-box with the same DVD-quality porn streaming for the same $9.95 monthly subscription. Here’s their thought process. Lots of people like watching porn in the bedroom; their previous FyreTV box is only Ethernet-enabled, with no dongle option; not a lot of people have Ethernet wiring in the bedroom. Thus, the wireless FyreTV is born.
We’ve tested the original FyreTV box for a while now, and it’s definitely worth the subscription price in both usability and convenience. The wireless box is still fairly inconspicuous, with a black finish and no “THIS IS MY PORN BOX” label, as you can see in the photo above (left) with lovely model Ashlynn Brooke.
FyreTV guys also told us that they’re going to be enabling HD wireless streaming in about two months… (…read more, i.gizmodo.com)
But then what killed me was what’s in the rest of the post: a “genuine” endorsement from porn performer Ashlynn Brooke complete with a “P.S. Jason Chen you are so hot”, which, is pretty much the most amazing boiler plate porn chick piece of PR I’ve ever seen. Insert any name for performer (product) and product, and you’re ready to roll with all the “It is so much fun being able to talk to my fans, take pictures with them and sign autographs.” and “Y’all”s you can stand. It’s almost a work of art; I hope Jason doesn’t get his heart broken. I mean, this is a performer subculture that has coined a distasteful term for obligatory fan-performer contact: “shoulder stink” (or “shoulder stank”). Your mind can fill in the gap on that one.
Then, I see that Mark Wilson stuck his hand in the hole. It’s like, dude: don’t eat meat if it’s *green*. He writes,
The Virtual Hole is a similar design to something we’ve seen before. When attached to a Mac Miniesque Virtual Module A/V pass-through (pictured below), the self-explanatory base unit can sync to specially encoded DVDs for a more…interactive experience. When hooked to a computer, that Virtual Module can connect a touch-sensitive dildo to the Hole over the internet.
I braved sticking my hand into the same sleeve you’ll find inside the Hole. As a middle aged Japanese man massaged the attached dildo, I felt a slightly corresponding localized vibration up and down my palm. I know what you’re thinking: Some guy I didn’t even know was here massaging my hand in public—how awkward!
Well, it was awkward. But the fun doesn’t stop there, friends. (…read more, i.gizmodo.com)
Well, at least it’s Mac compatible. ::sigh::
Hmmm… I don’t know. I remember seeing that Virtual Hole thing a while ago and not being able to take it seriously. For one thing, it sounds like something from particle physics, and I end up giggling at the image of the Large Hadron Supercollider creating sex toys by crashing atoms into each other. (At last, we know what CERN is really up to!) But what really does it in for me is that it looks like a bowling pin… unsettling. Still, I suppose it could make for an hilarious conversation piece: “Oh, what an interesting bowling trophy!”… “Ah, that isn’t a trophy, actually.”