Bad questions to ask a transsexual: The director’s cut

12 pieces of BRILLIANCE put forth by a DARING and DELIGHTFUL reader

This has to be one of my all-time favorite videos. Today Calpernia Addams posted Bad Questions to Ask a Transsexual: The Director’s Cut. She is hilarious, pissed off, sharp, on the money, off the hook and totally fucking fierce. My favorite is, of course, #4. Having trans women as my chosen family, it hits oh so wonderfully/painfully close to home (and yes I’ve sent it around). It’s 14 minutes long, so grab a cup of coffee, try not to shoot it out your nose, and enjoy:

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12 Comments - COMMENTARY is DESIRED

  1. Greg · Edit

    I think she is a little bit too sure that all transgenders think the way she does. I just read an article in the NY Times about how complex and _varied_ people’s identities are. The main subject of the story was a transman, who considered herself not to be transman but genderqueer. And he said that he had no intention of hiding his former identity as a woman. He felt that his past as a woman was every bit as much a part of who he is as his current identity.

    Any question could be offensive if asked insensitively, but I think she should be careful about making sweeping statements about the “real” motivations of _all_ transsexuals.

    Greg

  2. David Carroll · Edit

    Hey Calpernia. Don’t be offended when I ask you this, but… Where did you get that outfit? You look fabulous in it!

    Sorry to break your perfect “In every case. Any question following that sentence has been offensive.” record. ;) I could not resist.

    I’m serious.. Where did you get it?

  3. quehanna · Edit

    Thanks Calpernia. I bookmarked the site.

    I still get shocked by the way people treat one another sometimes. It’s like they have no idea what the word ‘respect’ means or have never heard of the term ‘social graces’ before.
    Which is the main reason I don’t bother reading the comments of any article you post on sfgate, Violet.

  4. Calpernia · Edit

    Thanks for blogging my little video! Although the points behind it are valid if people really listen to what I’m saying (ie: don’t walk up as a stranger and ask questions about my genitals. Introduce yourself first, at least!), it was intended as sort of a satire of old classroom instructional videos. Unfortunately, many newcomers to my videos thought that 1950’s bitchy kindergarten teacher persona was the “real me”.

    I don’t think it’s bad to ask questions, or to educate at all. I’ve done TONS of educating. But among all the positive stuff, there are about 15 questions that are just plain rude or invasive to me, so I listed them in that video.

    For the flip side of the “Bad Questions” video, check out my answering of these very questions on VideoJug:
    http://www.videojug.com/interview/transgender-what-does-it-mean

    Calpernia

  5. violet · Edit

    @ lotu5:

    you know, that’s a good question — not about getting the conversation started pe se because I think lots of people want to have this discussion, but rather the question of reaching communities. I was joking yesterday about finding community *off the internet*, outside social networking sites. so I think that it’s going to be tough starting this conversation face to face unless you’re in a place with a trans community established, or people aren’t even going to be willing to go there. visibility means a lot: here in SF it would be easy to get it going in a lot of settings that would be volatile or futile in other cities or towns.

    so I think that actually Calpernia has a great answer. I found her video on the front page of YouTube. vlogging, self-publishing. but especially in an entertaining way, as she did with this video. it’s gotten passed through a whole lot of communities and places that would never have this discussion — as of today it’s had 668,481 views (nevermind the trolls, though you know they watched it too). like having it posted to a “popular blog” which is viewed by many as homogenized, white, heteronormative, and endeavoring to mainstream itself. that’s what all popular blogs eventually do, eh? but seeing that Calpernia’s video was in a place that’s aiming for the middle is extremely encouraging, even if the trolls were trolls about it. (and I should mention that I never get more evil, angry, violent and threatening hate mail than when I write about trans people in the SF Chronicle.) that means her messages reached that many more people, some of whom probably found a lot of much-needed reassurance in what she said.

    my answer is vlogging :)

  6. lotu5 · Edit

    This is really awesome. Thanks for posting it. As a transgender person myself, I really appreciated hearing calpernia’s strong response to this bullshit. It’s also totally hilarious. I posted it on my blog as well.

    I was recently at a trans event at the LGBT center at UCSD, and there was a panel of trans people talking about their experience, and the moderator opened the panel with a comment about there being no stupid questions. The person to my right leaned over and said “i don’t agree with that, there are definitely inappropriate questions.” It made me wonder about what safe space means, what it means to talk on a panel about trans experience and invite questions and how we can open this kind of dialog to people who might be new to it. I’ve thought a few times about organizing a “trans 101” workshop in San Diego, but I feel weird about doing it. I don’t want to pretend like I’m some expert and I don’t want to tokenize myself.

    What do people feel like are good ways of getting this kind of dialog started in communities that you feel are in need of some 101 discussions?

  7. violet · Edit

    I think I can guess which popular blog you mean, and I stopped reading it last year for a variety of reasons. I feel much better now. but that a question of that nature was even asked — to human being — is deserving of a bitchslap and a half with a tire iron, for reals. I just managed to catch this fresh “director’s cut” video yesterday when Calpernia posted it on YouTube and put it here asap :)

  8. David Carroll · Edit

    This was posted on a rather popular blog 54 days ago. In the very first comment XXXXXX (not sure if that his/her/whatever’s real name) asked one of the editors of the blog this incredibly personal and rude question: Were they a transsexual?

    I guess the only way some people get the point is to shove it into the back of their head via the eyeball.

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