San Francisco Pride 2011: The Sexy Guide, Tech Tips, and Never Enough Lube

This year’s Think Globally, Come Locally for the SF Appeal is my fifth annual guide. I didn’t realize that I’ve been writing sexy San Francisco LGBTQQ Pride weekend event guides for local (and national) publications since 2007. Cool!

George Takei is my Pride CelebThat said, I am deeply and very personally disappointed that George Takei is not our Celebrity Grand Marshal and Queen of the Universe for the weekend. If I ruled the world, or SF Pride, he would be our idol of worship all weekend long and be carried around in an ultra-fabulous litter on the shoulders of hunks decked out in sexy Star Trek character iconography, along with the most glamorous parade contingent this side of the galaxy and accompanied everywhere by a fierce army of Uhuras of all genders. And no, I don’t care if he already did it in 2007. Was there a litter and hot Klingon sideline action? Did you dance with at least 10 Uhuras? No. You can never have enough Takei. (Proof: watch him on Twitter, he is one spicy cupcake.)

Also, every year I hate the slogans the SF Pride committee come up with for the parade. So every year I make up a new one on my own. This year it’s Think Globally, Come Locally – though if I really had the power to make this year’s slogan it would be If You Want To Achieve Greatness, Stop Asking For Permission.

Violet Blue Sex San Francisco LGBTQ Pride GuideIn this year’s guide I have a very handy Google Map trick that I used with much success at SXSW 2011. You will like it. Also in the guide, I mention the very intriguing Wikileaks parade contingent for Bradley Manning. Please do read Think Globally, Come Locally, here’s a snip:

San Francisco Pride guides are a both necessary evil and an exercise in futility. On one lubed hand there are a million things to do and hundreds of locals and carpetbaggers alike that want your queer three-dollar bills – making it a maze of events and transit.

On the other hand, you don’t need Captain Obvious to tell you that to celebrate, you only need to leave your house, hotel room, or hipster coffeehouse (or the Marina – though Marina girls need not apply. Marina girls: if you come, we will burn your Kate Spade everything on a pile of your printed scarves. That is all).

Start by reading Run, Alejandro, Run – this definitive SF Pride Guide gives you all the tips you’ll need for finding good food around the clock, how to dress for SF’s bitch-on-heels weather, where to buy sex supplies 24/7, sexy clothes and outrageous sex toys, why you need to visit our kinky coffee shop Wicked Grounds, and pretty much anything else you’ll need to supplement this year’s SF version of Queers Got Talent. (…read more,

Also, do not miss SFist’s excellent Gay Pride Parties You Should/Shouldn’t Attend ( This weekend I’m delighted to say that I have my (adopted) gay little brother staying with me for his first Pride – he is here all the way from London. I’ll be Tweeting quite a bit of our antics if you want to keep up with us, though I will do my best to deliver you a hot gallery or two. And, if you see me around SF this weekend, ask me for one of these stickers (and know that 5733 will have a booth on Pride sunday on Grove Street outside the SF Public Library selling their shirts, hoodies and more, including ones with these graphics):

5733 we're here we're queer stickers

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