By now you might have heard about two skydiving porn stars who had sex in free-fall over Taft, California (near Bakersfield). If not, well, it’s like this: two skydiving porn stars had sex in free-fall over Taft, California (near Bakersfield). Both participants got fired from the skydiving outfit they worked at, and the local cops are puh-PISSED that no crime has been committed. They got the Federal Aviation Administration involved, and the FAA is “investigating,” aka digging for regulatory violations. But as with so much news about the rarefied (and so hard to find!) world of publicity-whore porn, the press is skipping over a bunch of the story, including the most important part, most importantly the opportunity to introduce a new word into the English Language: EATFUCKLIVESKYDIVEFOREVER!!
Incidentally, before we get started: multiple news sources (and Gawker) have said that the “original video” of the flying fuck between porn stars Alex Torres (aka Voodoo) and Hope Howell (possibly aka Maryjanesexy and Paige Thomas) was quickly “taken down from YouTube,” and “only fakes” exist. I have to tell you, if I got my porn from YouTube, I would think babies were made by Florida blondes in bikinis telling me about the Transitive Verb of the Day. Yes, the forces of decency did conspire to keep that video out of Gawker’s hairy palms. But I am one l33t h4ck1ng muth4fukk4. I did have to pull out some serious Neuromancer-era cyberpunk mojo to find the video that the FAA doesn’t want you to see, but after changing into my black PVC catsuit and Converse Hi-Tops, putting on night-vision goggles, drinking a six-pack of Jolt and eating a box of Hot Pockets while listening to Skinny Puppy at top volume, I “hacked the mainframe” and scored that tasty morsel of thoughtcrime contraband! I liberated that dirty video even though it was kept in a secure location guarded by Pentagon infobots…on Alex Torres’ website. Information wants to be free!
In any event, if you look at the juxtaposed images below, you may be interested to know that the photo on the left is from the landing page at the website of Skydive Taft, from whence came the aircraft carrying skydiving instructor and porn star Alex Torres (Voodoo) and “Skydive Taft receptionist” Hope Howell…they of the now-famous Falling Bone. (It’s also the profile photo on Skydive Taft’s Facebook page.) The photo’s filename, interestingly, was “Come Fly With Us At Skydive Taft.”
The photo on the right is a screencap from NBC’s site, showing the video that Torres made with Howell:
Something tells me this wasn’t Hope Howell’s first time. By that, I mean it wasn’t Howell’s first time with the “Valley-O” face, that ultra-fake female-porn-star “OMG-yes-my-mind-is-being-blown by your cock!!!” face sold in roadside kiosks for $1.50 to any woman headed north across Ventura Boulevard.
Howell presumably has the Valley-O face on tap because Torres wasn’t the only porn star in the downward spiral; if you believe the comments on this video, and this one, Ms. Howell is the “Now famous Hope Howell who’s real name is Paige Thomas…She also goes by the pornstar name of Maryjanesexy.”
I couldn’t find a website, blog or Twitter account for Howell/Thomas/Maryjanesexy, though, since results for Hope Howell are about the skydiving incident and image searches for Maryjanesexy and Paige Thomas bring back an avalanche of weeeeeird stuff, including “pot porn,” ultra-conservative twitter streams, and a few pictures of Jesus, who as far as I know never went skydiving or made porn.
Torres, on the other hand, is so easy to find that you’d have to pretty much be the stupidest person on the planet to hire him to be a skydiving instructor and then expect him not to make skydiving porn. He’s two-time AVN award winner Alexandre Boisvert, as shown by Boisvert’s IMDB record, where he is indeed nom-de-porned “Voodoo” and is credited as the star of such classics as Ghost in a Teeny Bikini and Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet. In fact, he’s married to porn actress Nicole Sheridan. He also tandem skydived with the mayor of Taft.
So, it’s like this: Skydive Taft owner David Chrouch hired two porn stars at a skydiving school, then fired them both when they made skydiving porn. Does that seem a little weird?
It gets weirder, since Howell told the local ABC affiliate that Chrouch lied about not knowing about the video — according to Howell, Chrouch was involved from the get-go: “Our boss was there and we planned out everything.” She said about getting fired, “I feel like that was a stab in my back.”
The news has been ignoring the fact that the 20-year-old Howell is (apparently) a porn performer, but everyone’s been describing Torres as a “porn star and weekend skydiving instructor.” In fact, Torres/Voodoo is a multi-AVN Award winner and works for RealityKings.com, and, believe it or not, he even has a website, and — whoa, blow my mind, he tweets! (Can you believe how “jacked in” these skydivers are getting?). What’s more, his web presence has a certain…theme that makes it a little hard to believe his employer Chrouch couldn’t sort, you know, see this coming from 13,500 feet.
So I’m going to play Colombo here for a minute…”Sometimes I’m a little dim-witted, you know, I get confused, I think maybe I’m going a little senile, so help me sort this out, will you?” Here’s the deal: Voodoo has a website where he plugs CumFiesta.com and (guess what?) talks about his forays into skydiving porn. He has a Blogspot blog which seems to all be about having sex while skydiving, and his videos on Dailymotion offer this bio: “My name is Voodoo. I am the only Pornstar Skydiver in the world. My life is a dream. I live to fly and fly to live. EFS EAT FUCK SKYDIVE forever!!!!” On Twitter, he’s says this: “I am a CONTRACT pornstar for www.REALITYKINGS.com and pro skydiver. I live 2 fly and fly to live. EFS!! Eat fuck skydive forever!!! Google Sex Skydive.” His Twitter wallpaper features him fucking women who don’t appear to be Howell in midair. At the top of his website is a gallery entitled SKYDIVE SEX PICTURES SEEN AROUND THE WORLD!!!! — yes, four exclamation points. And here’s what his website bio says about him:
I am a CONTRACT PORNSTAR for http://www.realitykings.com and pro skydiver and I am the only Pornstar Skydiver in the world to actually have sex while skydiving!!! I live2fly and fly2live. EFS!!!! Eat fuck skydive forever! And yes, I am a true NYMPHOMANIAC!!! MY GOAL IS TO HAVE MY OWN REALITY SHOW ON MTV!!!
I forgot to mention that I am also a 1000 year old DAY WALKING VAMPIRE!!! I feed of the flesh and souls of SEXY BITCHES!!!!
The end of the world is upon us so have fun while you can folks!!!!!!
So, like, I’m getting the sense this wasn’t Alex’s first time, either. Check out this screencap where Torres appeases Papa Legba with a little midair zombie love:
That zombie-baiting hottie above, incidentally, is of course not Howell; it’s porn star Nora Skyy, whose face is far less distorted on Twitter, Posterous, and her Orange County Modeling page. Incidentally, Posterous also hosts Voodoo’s site, and Skyy was sending @ replies to Voodoo on Twitter a half-hour before I looked her up, so methinks they’re, like, friends or something.
So here’s the deal: Skydive Taft hired “the only Pornstar Skydiver in the world” as a skydiving instructor, hired a hot 20 year old who appears to also be an adult performer as the school’s receptionist…then fired them for making porn while skydiving?
Am I alone in thinking that would take some monumental cluelessness? Or is it that it would take monumental cluelessness to believe Chrouch didn’t know about the stunt? Just how stupid does this guy think we are?
This is obviously a publicity stunt from the start, but I seriously doubt it’s an example of Torres and Howell conspiring to screw their employer, or even do something they thought they could “get away with” and then get proven wrong. I find it much more likely that Skydive Taft owner David Chrouch was in on the whole thing from the get-go, for publicity reasons…and then he chickened out when the cops came sniffing after him.
That, or maybe this is all bullshit — and Torres, Chrouch and Howell pulled the whole gig to get Skydive Taft some publicity, and maybe neither one has actually been fired. Who knows?
What’s creepy about it is that the police “backlash” is ridiculous and ineffectual. The Taft Police Department even agrees no crime was committed, though they’re pretty pissed off about that fact. Time was, the cops used to get pissed off when you broke the law, not when you specifically didn’t break it. But a local business owner has all sorts of things to worry about that can be handled extrajudicially. Police harassment… licensing… potentially property taxes. That all went from ugly to nasty when the Taft PD told the press they were getting the Federal Aviation Administration involved. Keep in mind that the FAA regulates more than individual pilots’ licenses, and the owner of a skydiving school that’s run seriously afoul of the FAA is pretty much screwed without a parachute.
Is this some kind of goofy police scandal? Does Colombo need to take a trip to Taft, California, to blow the lid off police corruption and the law enforcement vendetta against skydiving sex? Did David Chrouch fire Torres and Howell under police pressure? Did he know about the thing from the start? Are the local cops corrupt enough to force a business owner to fire two employees even after it’s been determined no crime was committed? Or is this a Federal beef, with regulators conspiring to enforce an extralegal and non-consensual morality clause on the proprietor of a small business and, by extension, his employees?
Who cares? ROFL, they fucked in midair!!! EATFUCKLIVESKYDIVEMUTHAFUKKAS!!!
There’s one last important point that needs to be made. I’ve alluded to it above, but I want to say it explicitly. If this all sounds funny, well, it is. But there’s a very serious matter of civil liberties, and it’s related to the Federal regulatory environment in the U.S. overall.
Regulatory agencies wield extrajudicial power that can be enlisted to enforce “morality,” rather than used for its real purpose, which is safety. It’s not illegal to have sex on a private plane, but it’s illegal for a pilot to fly a plane while “distracted,” and the FAA’s contention is reportedly that said pilot might have been distracted, as the ever-charmingly-offensive Michael K of DListed puts it, “The FAA is trying to figure out if the pilot was distracted by airborne titties flapping around like two jellyfishes having a sneezing fit.”
But Howell herself told a local ABC affiliate that she never touched the pilot, and he was not involved. Nonetheless, it’s being reported that some of the video Torres and Howell made shows the couple having sex in a jump seat next to the pilot.
To my mind, that doesn’t necessarily indicate any more distraction than drinking a cup of hot coffee while flying a plane — and potentially spilling it into your lap. The idea that a trained and licensed professional pilot would be incapable of flying a plane safely because a couple was having sex nearby is nothing more than dose of anti-sex hysteria.
The FAA’s “investigation” of the pilot is grasping at straws. It’s insulting and ridiculous — clearly an attempt to regulate sexual behavior because of disapproval of same, not due to a genuine concern about aviation safety. A crime cannot be prosecuted without witnesses, without evidence — but the regulatory environment doesn’t require commission of a crime. If the video showed the pilot’s participation, we wouldn’t be hearing about an “investigation.” The pilot would have already had his license pulled. The FAA is just blowing smoke out its afterburners.
Why do I care? Why should you care? Because just by discussing an investigation, the FAA is engaging in a kind of extrajudicial regulatory morals-enforcement that runs dangerously close to overstepping the boundaries of government. This is the kind of double standard the FCC is crazy with. If the pilot in the Taft case is seriously investigated, it’ll look suspiciously like Janet Jackson’s nipple slip. It’ll look like the laughable Seven Dirty Words. It’ll look like Eric Idle being fined “Five thousand bucks a fuck,” by the FCC for cursing on a radio show, to which he sang, “That’s more than Heidi Fleiss was charging me!”
And Eric Idle sang it on the internet — because that’s where he could say “fuck” all he wanted. The FAA, like the FCC, is apparently in the business of placing extra-legislative regulations on morality…and doing it badly. Eric Idle could afford five grand a fuck. A private pilot can’t, even if there’s only one fuck and it (mostly) didn’t happen on his plane.
When Federal regulatory agencies overstep their boundaries in order to enforce morality, even though the “transgressions” committed are inoffensive (or just irrelevant) to the vast majority of people, they enforce a kind of morality that is designed to exist outside of legitimate lawmaking and regulatory endeavors.
The FAA needs to back off and stay the hell out of sexual morality.
Photo from Voodoopornstar.com.