Sex toys just generally lend themselves to being the center of wacky news items by their very nature. Throw in the fact that I linger over the news items and obsessively search reporting to find details (often scattered across online newspapers like a tornado-trailer park convergence), and then dutifully present them to you as if you needed to know — I guess that’s why you’re here.
When I worked at a sex toy store, we got these really hard silicone dildos in stock. One of the girls used to joke to me that it was exactly what she’d want to have handy in a dark alley, but not for the reasons we were selling it. Dine and dash princess and flower of Joe’s Crab Shack, Carolee Bildsten of Gurnee, Illinois was charged with one misdemeanor count of aggravated assault today when she tried to hit a police officer over the head with what cops described as a “rigid female pleasure device.” I don’t know about you, but I immediately imagined either a Hitachi, which could be quite a weapon, or a giant Ron Jeremy Dong, which could also be used as a blunt murder weapon. In one reported quote I found “rigid clear female pleasure device” so it looks like it was probably attempted assault with a much prettier glass dildo — maybe if she’d gone with acrylic she wouldn’t have problems paying for seafood dinners.
If you’re familiar with American malls, you know what a Spencer’s Gifts is — and how to avoid one. Which explains why my surprise in reading this item about Spencer’s being shut down for carrying adult items came from the fact that there was a possible reason to shop at Spencers’s, and not from the fact that they were actually raided 1950s-style for sex toys nor the prudish punishments the store is facing for peddling novelty vibrators. Also, the best part is thanking Eve for the tip.
All over the “weird” news items today was the Alabama sex toy store drive-through window story. But yesterday dlisted was on that story faster than a Jersey Whore castmember can sell a testicle/ovary for a contract renewal. Michael K writes, (…) The Alabama Supreme Court doesn’t want your genitals to be happy and free, so they kept the ban on sex toys in 2007. The owners of Pleasures, who challenged the ban a few years ago, found a way around that. (…) now you can buy all your medical supplies without leaving your car. Shit, you don’t even have to put your pants on. (…)”
Photo: expensive toy I really want, the Erza silicone plug, exclusively at Coco DeMer UK.
I have mixed feelings about Spencer’s getting shut down… they’re certainly a terrible store, but when I was a 16 year old that looked 18 to bored mall employees it was the only place I could GET a vibe that didn’t have a toothbrush attachment, let alone have options for what I wanted. I went back to visit in honor, and the unfortunate thing is that they still sell sexual products, but they’re all dangerous ones that aren’t regulated by the government, and should be. Makes me sad to think that I had easy, shady access to hard plastic waterproof bullets that I could easily clean and all this generation gets is “Good Head Spray” and lubes full of sugars. :(
I’m proud that Alabama now has our very own Drive Thru Dildo Dispensary.
Those rockets we’re so famous for do look kinda dirty…
That buttplug looks ass-watering, from the bold colors to the smooth shape. Thanks again, Blue, for egging on my compulsive-but-necessary sex toy purchases and consequently keeping me broke. Also, I recently made a sex toy zine for my sex-ed nonprofit and local adult store. I wanted to send you a copy, gratis. Let me know where to mail it, eh?