Observations on the Drawbacks of Being a Man

TGIF :-)

I lurk on Hacker News for a number of reasons, and one of them is that I occasionally come across really interesting articles that cross genres, ones that I think you’ll find as intriguing as I do. Today I found a juicy one that really resonates; it’s a blog post titled Downsides to being seen as a man. Powerful and controversial, for sure. For instance, it’s heartbreaking to see truths such as male rape not being taken seriously, yet observations lamenting the lack of “academic organizations for men” makes me think, isn’t that what they are by default? Here’s a snip:

Very few people believe that domestic abuse, rape, or sexual assault can be perpetrated against men.
I see this far more often than I like to think about, a man will call the police because his partner (male or female, I’ve witnessed both) is assaulting him and the police act like nothing is wrong. Men can be victims, there’s not some magical bubble that protects us.

If a man is abused there are virtually no areas for him to seek support.
Men are not allowed in the vast majority of rape/sexual assault survivor support groups. There are no shelters specifically for battered men. Programmes for survivors of domestic abuse almost universally do not accept men. If a man does seek help for abuse or rape he is generally considered to be weak and something less than a “real” man. Prison rape is considered a joke rather than a real problem that needs to be solved. Gay men in particular have to deal with society believing they somehow “asked” to be raped. (…)

Men — particularly gay men — are seen as potential paedophiles.(…)

Men are considered automatic threats. (…read more, notanotheraiden.com)

It’s a hell of a post, authored by a female-to-male trans guy who has gone from living life being seen as female to going to the other side — being seen as, and passing as a man — and has made some really interesting comparisons.

Photo by Modern Citizen.

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2 Comments - COMMENTARY is DESIRED

  1. Actually, what he says is:

    There are no men-only academic/professional organisations. Like the first one, I don’t consider this to be much of a real problem. I just wanted to make sure people recognised that once they start passing there aren’t going to be any more bonding experiences like at the Society of Women Physicians conference.

    He’s not saying that it’s a problem, per se, that these groups don’t exist, or that such groups ought to exist — he’s simply pointing out, for the benefit of those people who have previously been part of such organizations, that if they start passing as male they won’t have that opportunity any more, and that’s something they should be aware of.

    More broadly — speaking here as a straight cis-male, if that’s the correct terminology — I find his point about, “Men — particularly gay men — are seen as potential paedophiles” an interesting one. I can’t speak to the gay angle from personal experience, but people are more cautious about men being around kids than women. I teach Sunday School at my church, and it’s always been fine — of course we run criminal background checks on everyone, male and female, before they’re allowed to work with kids; that’s a denominational rule — but I am aware that I have to be more careful about sticking to the rules (e.g., “Never be alone behind closed doors with a child”) than the women teachers.

    Also, there’s a fragility to my position that most women don’t have to deal with; all it would take is one parent getting a weird vibe from me, and suddenly everyone would be all, “Well… better safe than sorry, where there’s smoke there’s fire, maybe you can find something else to do that keeps you away from the kids.”

    Most of the time I don’t even think about it, because it’s such a constant background in my life. But for someone like this guy, who is newly entering the world of being seen as male, it must be quite a shock.

  2. While I agree with you about the eye-rolling nature of a phrase like “academic organizations for men”, I think what the writer means is “academic organizations for the study of masculinity and maleness.” Which we probably could use.

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