There has been lots in the news lately about this program at Exeter University (UK) that does sex ed. with kids called "A Pause" that teaches the benefits of oral sex in lieu of intercourse. Of course, they’re getting all kinds of hell from "family" groups who think that kids’ sexuality is best left ignored — hence Britain’s highest pregnancy rates in Europe! I’m sure their STD rates are nothing to sneeze at either, since they won’t even tell the kids how not to get pregnant. Anyway, I proudly support their efforts, and am sending them copies of the two oral sex guides I wrote, just to help out. I mean, when you were a teen, your hormones were raging, no? Mine were. I would’ve loved some great head, and to be able to give some in return without feeling all confused and mixed up (and yet turned on) by the whole thing. All teens — and everyone else — should know their oral sex rights.
So, I’m drafting an Oral Sex Bill of Rights. It goes like this:< We The Orally Fixated People, who love to lick, suck and grin with juicy lips, sore jaws and throbbing groins, in order to give and receive more perfect head, establish rights and guarantees to ensure the bliss of busy mouths, slippery genitals, and satisfaction for all:
Amendment 1 There shall be no laws restricting an individual from giving or receiving great head, as there currently are in Alabama, Arizona, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Louisiana, Michigan, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Mississippi, North Carolina, South Carolina, Utah and Virginia.
Amendment 2 A well-lubricated set of lips, being necessary to the enjoyment of fellatio or cunnilingus shall not be infringed. Keep a glass of water by the bed.
Amendment 3: No one shall dribble hot chocolate sauce, slather with whipped cream, drizzle honey, or insert peeled bananas on or in any genitals without the appropriate accompanying screeches and giggles of the recipient.
Amendment 4: The seizing of a hard penis or plump clit into a wet and willing mouth may only happen with probable cause, and if done so quickly as a surprising shock of pleasure to the recipient, must be preceded by a wicked, knowing grin.
Amendment 5: No person shall be held accountable for coming "too soon" as a result of getting excellent head.
Amendment 6: In all public encounters, the recipient must be granted the right to a speedy orgasm, but allow the person going down on them easy access through clothing and the assurance of a watchful eye.
Amendment 7: In all cases of oral sex, when the giver has found the sweet stroke and appropriate rhythm leading to orgasm, they shall not stop, but continue the repetition to completion, barring jaw, tongue, neck, or leg cramps.
Amendment 8: Oral sex shall always be considered a sex act, on par with intercourse, not anything less.
Amendment 9: Everyone has the right to enrich their knowledge of the oral arts, and to experiment freely, deliciously, lubriciously and wearing any type of uniform or costume they so choose, on any subject who craves their oral attentions and outfits like a drink of water in the desert. This is the right to experiment.< Amendment 10: The powers of a skilled and deft tongue, or a tightly wrapped pair of lips, are reserved to the owner of the mouth, and are to be enjoyed guiltlessly by whomever is the lucky recipient of their ministrations (unless guilt fantasies make you hot, or power exchange drives you both over the orgasmic edge). Orgasms in the mouth, or ejaculate landing anywhere else, are the reserved judgement call of the "giver.