Fellatio Facts and How To Give a Blowjob

Praised by edgy, witty science writer Mary Roach as “Helpful, hip, wise and savvy,” I’m honored that my book The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio 2nd Edition is a bestseller and the top pick of sex educators (and lovers of all genders) worldwide. I’m a professional sex educator and my first two guidebooks were about oral sex — because even though these sex acts are considered basic, it seemed like most people had serious questions about how to do it safely and pleasurably.

Examiner National gave it a top-rated review the minute they got their hands on the new edition. Read the review here.

What is fellatio all about?

Fellatio (giving head, blowjob, going down) might include licking, sucking, rhythmic stroking and mouth/hand stimulation of a penis (and sometimes the testicles). Fellatio can be performed on a strap-on, or dildo, though the techniques for this are somewhat different. It is wonderfully versatile, a sex act that can happen in a variety of situations and with countless variations. It can be the beginning of sex, the main event, or somehting you do among other things you both enjoy. You can swap oral favors, or use it in place of intercourse until you’re both ready. Oral sex can add intimacy to your relationships, and if you don’t already include it in your repertoire, going down on him can bring you both closer together. A man may think it’s very special and intimate to have a lover who genuinely wants to make him feel good by going down on him. In this case, oral sex is a deliberately shared act, and becomes something that connects body and heart.

Most men love it and want it more, and many women are not sure if they are comfortable with it.

Many people’s perspective on fellatio gets reshaped many times as they have different experiences and relationships to oral sex. Not everyone likes it, but many people find that they do. With no guidance, the first few times are often difficult, confusing, and embarrassing. Most people know basically how the act is supposed to go, but have no idea what their lovers might like, what to do with your mouth, or how you should be feeling about the whole thing. It is a power exchange, or a disrespectful experience? You need to decide this for yourself. Sadly, some people give up on fellatio, not knowing if they are any good at it, or if fellatio makes them less worthy of respect by their partners. And then, what does it mean if you do like it?

Learn the techniques, practice, and set your own pace.

The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio is a terrific starting point for people who have never gone down on a man before, those who want to know eaxactly how to do tricks such as “deep throat” or find new ideas to spice up oral play with a guy. In it, you’ll learn about techniques, positions, how to make it go slow or fast, what to do with a man who is uncut, and many many options for what to do with his orgasm. You’ll learn how to decide if it empowers you, or makes you feel disrespected – and what to do about it. If you’re working on your comfort levels around fellatio, there are a few things you can put into practice to help you along, from techniques to real advice on how to talk about it. Reading this book and finding concrete answers to your quesitons is a great place to start.

ultimate guide to fellatio violet blue

* Anatomy of a Cock. It helps to know what you’re licking and sucking. Join in on this tour of the male genital pleasure system.

* Enjoy this his-and-hers explicit how-to Hot Oral Sex, His and Hers.

* As for guides and products all in one spot, I highly recommend Babeland’s Expert Blowjob Kit, complete with book, flavored lube, tasty condoms, a good cockring just for fun and a very special finger vibe — just so you can see just how much fun it is to use your hands, your mouth and a little vibration while he goes crazy (love having the vibe at the tip of the fingers literally).

* Taste of a Man. What can you expect when you go down on a man, I mean, what is he going to taste like? Find out this, and other interesting facts for your palate (such as sweetening his ejaculate) in this vivid exploration.

* Shaving increases skin-to-skin contact and can make fellatio outta this world. Read A Close Shave on Tender Parts and learn the basics on shaving your most tender bits, with practical advice for those of us who are especially sensitive to razor burn.

* I get a lot of questions about using flavored lubricants — about their taste, how they are on genital health, and creative ways to use them. I responded with this article exploring the joys and pitfalls of edible sex toys, Flavored Lubes and Other Tasty Sex Treats.

* Can oral sex give you cancer? Don’t believe the hype — but do believe that studies about oral HPV have some pretty potent warnings that shouldn’t go unheeded. Read Oral Sex and Oral Cancer.

* Femmes are damn sexy — that’s the point of all the lipstick, the lacy undergarments, and yes, even the engineer boots and skinned knees. What keeps us our sexy femme selves when all the undergarments and boots are removed is our kissable, color swept lips — but keeping the lipstick intact is a trick in and of itself, especially when we’re favoring our lucky lovers with hot kisses, juicy pussylicking and/or a ravenous blowjob on a real or silicone cock. Keeping your lipstick perfect is one of the ultimate challenges — and triumphs. Read how in Put Your Lips Together and Blow.

* Blow Jobs and Safer Sex. When you go down on a man, what are you at risk for? Find out what you can and can’t catch when you give head, and find out how to make giving head safe and sexy at the same time. Learn even more in my free downloadable e-book, The Modern Safer Sex Guide.

Offsite articles:

* Camille Crimson has a must-read article on She Loves Sex called How to give a GREAT blow job (with Sophie Delancey). Highly recommended.

* 9 Steps to Deep-Throating a Cock, Chelsea-Girl Style is a really fantastic primer on the technique of “deep throating” a penis or dildo; that is, fellatio while swallowing so it goes all the way down your throat.

* Cool sex toy retailer Babeland has this new fantastic guide called How to Give a Blow Job: Become a Fellatio Expert. Well, expert is a relative term depending on what’s hot about giving head for either party — but it’s a playful, informative set of tips with lots of fun (and personally recommended) products to make blowjobs yummy, easy and quite enjoyable for giver and receiver. In most respects all you’d need is their well-selected Blowjob Expert Kit, though I love that their guide also includes the Finger Fun vibe for an added buzz that just might blow his… mind.

Multimedia audio and podcasts about fellatio:

* In my audio book, open source sex :: pleasure zone basics ($5), there are two long MP3 chapters on fellatio and the taste of a man (and how to change his flavor).

* In my free MP3 podcast open source sex 33 listen to my lecture all about the tastes and scents to be found between the thighs of all genders, and how to make yourself (or your lover) taste yummier.

Sex ed video about male anatomy:

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This more serious factual video is from Sexperience.

Get inspired with erotica.

Oral sex themed erotica is a great way to explore your fantasies, share them, or get new ideas. I highly recommend these multi-author and very varied collections — Frenzy: 60 Stories of Sudden Sex by Alison Tyler, and Tasting Him: Oral Sex Stories and even Tasting Her: Oral Sex Stories by Rachel Kramer Bussel.

* Best-selling author Alison Tyler is a shy girl with a dirty mind. And lucky for us, she wrote a very special short story that explicitly details the red-hot fantasy of giving head to a total stranger in Yeah.

* Try This At Home by Ayre Riley is an unusual piece where a woman gives girl-to-girl advice on being a dominating cocksucker — from how to dress to when to let him think he’s in control.

* Here, In the Middle of Everything by John Flores is a man’s re-telling of a very hot, very dirty oral tradition that him and his girlfriend enjoy — right out in the open.

* Restraining Order by Alison Tyler. Critically acclaimed author Tyler gives us a juicy excerpt from her book, Bondage on a Budget, where a man finds more than an equal in his quest for a submissive, kinky partner. Full of romantic longing and centered around a truly riveting fellatio scene.

* Creatures of the Night by Thomas S. Roche. An ordinary guy out for a little fun on Halloween dresses up as a police officer and winds up “arresting” a “prostitute” with a hot little mouth. A dirty little slice of fantasy play.

* Two Guys and a Girl by Thomas S. Roche. In one of the hottest short stories I’ve read in a while, the premise is a fantasy that will have you thinking about movie theaters in a whole new light. A woman decides to try going to an adult movie theater for the first time, and the outcome is a scene with a twist — and a fellatio encounter that left my mouse all nervous and sweaty.

Bonus Tips: for Public Fellatio

* Be very aware of the laws about public sex in your area. If you get caught, you will likely go to jail — not as sexy in real life as in fantasy.

* Make absolutely sure that no one will see you. It’s part of the thrill, the threat of discovery, but if someone sees you, you are involving them in a sex act without their consent. Not cool.

* Seek out reliably secluded spots, such as a remote place to park, a deserted natural area like a beach or forest, a vacant warehouse, an empty movie theater.

* Some places in large cities are notorious for being public sex spots. Use these places only if you are a local and are familiar with the area. If you must cruise, proceed with streetwise caution.

* Rooftops can seem public but still be private. Look around first, before you’re horny.

* If you plan on using safer-sex gear, make sure you have it in your pocket.

* Think ahead about places to duck for cover, ways to camouflage your activity, or a story to tell an authority figure.

* Make it as hot and fun as you can — public fellatio is a thrilling encounter that can never be exactly duplicated. Don’t hold back.

The famous — Super Spunk Smoothie!

So many people ask me about sweetening or improving the taste of male ejaculate — and yes, you really can sweeten a man’s come. Citrus, mango and cucumber really do work — but he has to refrain from strong foods and vitamins for a few days while drinking a juice mixture for it to work. So no garlic, asparagus, broccoli, red meats, curries or multivitamins!

Here’s a recipe for a drink that incorporates many popular come sweetening ingredients — try drinking it for three days in a row. It’s part of a balanced breakfast, like a good blowjob.

Super Spunk Smoothie

1 cup pineapple, fresh, canned or juice
1 cup mango juice
1 banana
1/2 cucumber, peeled and seeded
1/2 tsp fresh ginger
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
2 Tbs honey

Blend all ingredients in a blender until smooth. Drink immediately. Repeat daily for best results!

Violet Blue

The London Times named Violet Blue "One of the 40 bloggers who really count" and Self Magazine named TinyNibbles one of the “Best Sex Resources for Women.” Blue is an autodidact and pundit on sex and technology, hacking and security, porn for women, privacy and bleeding-edge tech culture. She is a journalist for ZDNet, CBS News, CNET; she's an educator, speaker, crisis counselor, volunteer NGO trainer, and the author and editor of over 40 award-winning books.

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{ 1 comment }

1 Chuck Dillon April 6, 2010 at 7:54 pm

Great article…thanks I really need to enjoy the fantasy aspects which I find to be most stimulating and is lacking so much in my marriage….you are very helpful.

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