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:: this week's Chronicle column

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presents for me, if you like what you see (I haz wish lists):

Agent Provocateur

Stockroom

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I write way too much

NEW: best women's erotica 2008

the smart girl's guide to the g-spot

the smart girl's guide to porn

the adventurous couple's guide to strap-on sex

lust: erotic fantasies for women

fetish sex: an erotic guide for couples

the ultimate guide to cunnilingus

the ultimate guide to fellatio

sweet life: erotic fantasies for couples

read about sex

After spending nearly eight years as a professional sex book reviewer, I realized I'd read an awful lot of sex books -- and gained a powerful amount of knowledge that I used to not only make my sex life into what I wanted it to be, but also to increase my breadth as a sex educator. Reading about sex and learning more makes you a great lover, gives you the tools you need to tinker with your own sex life, and I guarantee it will make you feel a lot less alone about your interests and questions. I am often asked to recommend books on a variety of topics, so I put together this index of recommended reading, which I'll be adding to over time. I do not include books I haven't read, nor will I include books that judge or belitte the reader. Fun, healthy, and smart explorations of self-determined sexuality are the name of the game here. And if it doesn't have practical, useful and explicit sex tips, it's not included. If I like the book but disagree with a point in it, I'll let you know in my review.

For now, I'm only listing my recommended nonfiction and how-to books, but the next phase of this reading list will expand into fiction and erotica. The links go to Amazon.com, and foreign versions of that store, but I encourage you to buy books from non-corporate, local booksellers whenever posssible.

sexuality, general

These fabulous and fun books cover a variety of sex topics, and if you're looking for one book that has all kinds of information, check these out. It seems like we should all be given a book like one of these when we become adults, to help us navigate not just the world of sex and dating, but also to make our own personal pleasure roadmaps. These books are great for just that.

specific sex topics

A good general sex book is a great seed to begin a sex info cache, but for in-depth information about specific sex acts, techniques and ideas for making certain sex acts red-hot, read a book that dishes the details. Here, you'll find books on erotic massage, oral sex, anal sex, Tantra, the G-spot and female ejaculation, strap-on sex, dirty talk and more.

stuff for girls

All my favorite books about female sexuality are included here, from fun science geek stuff to striptease kits -- and topics such as the clitoris, female sexual dys- (or non-) function, overall female sexual health, answers to orgasm questions, lesbian sex guides, a kinky dating guide, stripping and erotic dance books and more fun stuff.

stuff for guys

Books on male sexuality generally suck big time, and not in the way we all like... So this section is much smaller than I'd like it, but I've read oodles of male sexuality books, and most of them are so full of bullshit about "what women like" and "being a man" that the information seems strained through a sexually paranoid macho filter. But the few books I have in this growing collection are excellent and informative, and don't feel they need to use car or sports euphemisms to communicate to a male audience about sex.

just for couples

These books are in a few other sections as well, but are specifically aimed at coupled sexuality -- and making it red-hot. These are my favorite sex tip and technique books; and while they're primarily all heterosexual, I know my gay, lesbian and trans readers will know how to sift through them to find plenty of really useful info. Better orgasms, sexy surprises, new sex techniques and deeper intimacy are all on the menu.

trans, gender and cross-dressing

There are some really great books on trans identity, figuring out gender questions (or not), understanding trans and cross-dressing partners, and some uber-fab books with detailed suggestions for cross-dressing -- but sadly, when bookstores cut their stock, these wonderful books are the first to go. These are my favorites, and I think they're worth their weight in gold.

S/M and kink

Got kink? Well, even if you're just curious about trying a little pain with your pleasure, adding a blindfold to your sex games, tying up a lover for fun or you want to play with more advanced things like rope bondage, whipping, show worship, hot wax, or serious dominance and submission games, it really pays to learn how to do all if these things safely and consensually -- and get the hot tricks from experts that make your sex play incredible.

aphrodisiacs

Whether you want to really learn about aphrodisiacs -- where they come from, and how they work -- or you're intersted in cooking up a sexy dinner, these books are terrific resources. I especially adore the sexy cocktails books and have had a lot of fun trying the recipes on friends, lovers, and potential lovers... You know, Violet's Reserach Labs.

talking to your kids

I can't stress how important it is to impart healthy sex values to kids, from self-image to respect, and safety issues. These are the books I routinely give my friends when they have kids; the recommended books here fit a variety of ages and experience levels, and foster a healthy and tolerant attitude while giving the youth empowerment to make their own boundaries. Good stuff; they make great gifts.

Featured:

What I, and pretty much every sex educator I know, have long thought is the best all-around sex guide in the world has released a fully -- and I mean fully -- updated version. The Guide to Getting It On! by Paul Joannides is really now the most comprehensive sex guide in the world, and as a sex guide writer, I'm saying a lot.

Joannides and his team of researchers present a (huge) book that covers it all, in a very hilarious tone that delivers oodles of info yet remains expressly respectful to the reader at all times. This is an all-inclusive (yet heterosexually focused), sex-positive, non-judgmental tome, and I'm pleased to say that I can recommend it to pretty much everyone who owns a set of genitals, a pair of lips, and a desire for sexual connection and expression.

First off, it has the very best sexual anatomy illustrations I've ever seen -- and I don't mean drawings that look like cadaver cutlets, I mean clear, bold illustrations that show anatomy for pleasure (as opposed to reproduction) like no other book in print. And trust me, learning pleasure anatomy is the key to giving and getting it good. Anatomy, sex toys, porn, positions, oral sex, anal sex, sex and disability, romance, hair removal, bugs, STD's, Barbie, birth control, prostate, g-spot, straight, gay, bi, masculine, feminine, parents talking to teens about sex... phew, and I'm only skimming the surface. Good luck finding a topic *not* in this fabulous book. Make this one the centerpiece of your library, and augment with topic-specific books (many are recommended within the text).