Comments on: R.I.P. Bill Brent: Author, Publisher and Sex Activist http://www.tinynibbles.com/blogarchives/2012/08/r-i-p-bill-brent-author-publisher-and-sex-activist.html Journalist and author Violet Blue's site for sex and tech culture, accurate sex information, erotica and more. Tue, 26 May 2015 17:18:20 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Dennis Dunnum http://www.tinynibbles.com/blogarchives/2012/08/r-i-p-bill-brent-author-publisher-and-sex-activist.html/comment-page-1#comment-37404 Dennis Dunnum Fri, 14 Sep 2012 01:13:31 +0000 http://www.tinynibbles.com/?p=16037#comment-37404 I'm so saddened to hear about Bill. My last connection with Bill was at the 14th Street dungeon back in 1999. My lover, Luke, had just told me he was giving up. I had driven him up to Denver to settle in with his mom and sister while I flew off to California to do a job for Fakir and Carla. When that was finished I was to go back to help him die. I was a total mess. I truly did not know how I was going to get through what I knew was coming. When the job was over F&C took me to the dungeon for BLW night. Bill and Puma took me in hand and flogged me lovingly for what seemed like hours and then held me while I wailed and sobbed away the last bit of pain and fear that they hadn't beaten out of me. I truly owe them for what passes for my sanity. It was one of those rare gifts offered exactly when it was needed. Fare thee well, Bill. I really hope, in spite of whatever anguish took you to the bridge, that you enjoyed your last few moments of flight. I’m so saddened to hear about Bill. My last connection with Bill was at the 14th Street dungeon back in 1999. My lover, Luke, had just told me he was giving up. I had driven him up to Denver to settle in with his mom and sister while I flew off to California to do a job for Fakir and Carla. When that was finished I was to go back to help him die.
I was a total mess. I truly did not know how I was going to get through what I knew was coming. When the job was over F&C took me to the dungeon for BLW night. Bill and Puma took me in hand and flogged me lovingly for what seemed like hours and then held me while I wailed and sobbed away the last bit of pain and fear that they hadn’t beaten out of me. I truly owe them for what passes for my sanity. It was one of those rare gifts offered exactly when it was needed.
Fare thee well, Bill. I really hope, in spite of whatever anguish took you to the bridge, that you enjoyed your last few moments of flight.

]]> By: Ducky DooLittle http://www.tinynibbles.com/blogarchives/2012/08/r-i-p-bill-brent-author-publisher-and-sex-activist.html/comment-page-1#comment-37110 Ducky DooLittle Mon, 27 Aug 2012 15:02:35 +0000 http://www.tinynibbles.com/?p=16037#comment-37110 Oh that is profoundly sad to me. Such a beautiful bad ass. Thanks for posting this Thomas. Oh that is profoundly sad to me. Such a beautiful bad ass. Thanks for posting this Thomas.

]]> By: Darklady http://www.tinynibbles.com/blogarchives/2012/08/r-i-p-bill-brent-author-publisher-and-sex-activist.html/comment-page-1#comment-37082 Darklady Fri, 24 Aug 2012 21:19:18 +0000 http://www.tinynibbles.com/?p=16037#comment-37082 Let's not forget that Bill wrote the Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men, among other books. The royalties from this book were a real help to him toward the end of his life. Bill and I began talking about our struggles with depression in 2001, I believe. We spent the next 11 years doing our best to be supportive of one another and in June he called me to tell me two things: 1) he'd tried to do something he knew I would be very upset with him for trying but had failed and 2) he had decided that yes, he wanted to move to Portland and live with me so that we could help each other heal emotionally, I could help him heal physically, and we could both play cheerleader to the other as regards our writing. Unfortunately, the changes needed on my side to make that happen took longer than he could apparently wait, for which I am feeling more than a little guilty right now. I wished him a happy birthday on Facebook last month, telling him that I love him, and a couple of days later I got an "I <3 u, too!" message from a strange cell phone number with a Colorado area code. I assumed it was from him, but didn't write back to confirm. Another thing to feel guilty about... He was my "SFBF" and my "Froot Loop" and I was his "PDXGF" and "tragic princess of erotica." I'd been thinking a lot about Bill lately and reminding myself to call him, because things were starting to move in a direction that would have allowed us to start preparing for a relocation... but now I'm the only one who'll be relocating. When we talked in June and prior, he shared that he felt out of place. He was considering a return to Hawaii, which I advised against since he said it had damaged him emotionally and physically. He was glad to be back in the Bay Area, but said it and the people he had known had "moved on" and he no longer felt like he belonged there. He was feeling pressured to enter romantic/sexual partnerships he didn't think he really wanted to enter. He needed somewhere he could feel safe, loved, and able to regroup after being away from the mainland for so long. Apparently he wasn't able to find that place in time and didn't realize how many people still loved him. That's the tragedy of depression: when it becomes overwhelming, you can't see the gifts in your life and, if you can see them, you're convinced that you're unworthy of them or that they don't really belong to you. The one thing I am both angry at Bill for and deeply amused by is his choice of diving platform. We will never again be able to look at that bridge and just see a bridge. I saw Barbara Boxer on MSNBC the other night with the bridge as her backdrop and just burst into tears. I do that a lot lately, when they're not just coursing down my face for no apparent reason. On the other hand, it was a brilliant way to go out with a bang and not a whimper... and what an amazing view that must have been for him. Gotta go now. Can't see the keyboard... hopefully I'll see many of you on the 9th and, equally hopefully, you guys can help me find a place to crash while I'm in town. Let’s not forget that Bill wrote the Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men, among other books. The royalties from this book were a real help to him toward the end of his life.

Bill and I began talking about our struggles with depression in 2001, I believe. We spent the next 11 years doing our best to be supportive of one another and in June he called me to tell me two things: 1) he’d tried to do something he knew I would be very upset with him for trying but had failed and 2) he had decided that yes, he wanted to move to Portland and live with me so that we could help each other heal emotionally, I could help him heal physically, and we could both play cheerleader to the other as regards our writing.

Unfortunately, the changes needed on my side to make that happen took longer than he could apparently wait, for which I am feeling more than a little guilty right now. I wished him a happy birthday on Facebook last month, telling him that I love him, and a couple of days later I got an “I <3 u, too!" message from a strange cell phone number with a Colorado area code. I assumed it was from him, but didn't write back to confirm. Another thing to feel guilty about…

He was my "SFBF" and my "Froot Loop" and I was his "PDXGF" and "tragic princess of erotica."

I'd been thinking a lot about Bill lately and reminding myself to call him, because things were starting to move in a direction that would have allowed us to start preparing for a relocation… but now I'm the only one who'll be relocating.

When we talked in June and prior, he shared that he felt out of place. He was considering a return to Hawaii, which I advised against since he said it had damaged him emotionally and physically. He was glad to be back in the Bay Area, but said it and the people he had known had "moved on" and he no longer felt like he belonged there. He was feeling pressured to enter romantic/sexual partnerships he didn't think he really wanted to enter. He needed somewhere he could feel safe, loved, and able to regroup after being away from the mainland for so long.

Apparently he wasn't able to find that place in time and didn't realize how many people still loved him. That's the tragedy of depression: when it becomes overwhelming, you can't see the gifts in your life and, if you can see them, you're convinced that you're unworthy of them or that they don't really belong to you.

The one thing I am both angry at Bill for and deeply amused by is his choice of diving platform. We will never again be able to look at that bridge and just see a bridge. I saw Barbara Boxer on MSNBC the other night with the bridge as her backdrop and just burst into tears. I do that a lot lately, when they're not just coursing down my face for no apparent reason.

On the other hand, it was a brilliant way to go out with a bang and not a whimper… and what an amazing view that must have been for him.

Gotta go now. Can't see the keyboard… hopefully I'll see many of you on the 9th and, equally hopefully, you guys can help me find a place to crash while I'm in town.

]]> By: Thomas Roche http://www.tinynibbles.com/blogarchives/2012/08/r-i-p-bill-brent-author-publisher-and-sex-activist.html/comment-page-1#comment-37075 Thomas Roche Thu, 23 Aug 2012 21:08:39 +0000 http://www.tinynibbles.com/?p=16037#comment-37075 horehound....I think the thing I find most painful myself is not that Bill chose to end his own life, but that a man so brilliant, talented, inspiring, charming, charismatic, and just flat-out fucking big-hearted could come to a place where it was more painful to continue than not to. But I echo many of your sentiments, and I think you'll agree that if anyone wants to call Bill Brent a coward, they're batshit. He faced what he faced and he chose to do what he chose to do, and I think only compassion for his struggles can illuminate any part of it. I hope others out there who may feel like not continuing are able to find comfort not in how Bill died but it what he meant, both as a person and as a cultural force. And you're so right that there will never be anyone like him. They didn't just break the mold...they forgot how molds are made. horehound….I think the thing I find most painful myself is not that Bill chose to end his own life, but that a man so brilliant, talented, inspiring, charming, charismatic, and just flat-out fucking big-hearted could come to a place where it was more painful to continue than not to. But I echo many of your sentiments, and I think you’ll agree that if anyone wants to call Bill Brent a coward, they’re batshit. He faced what he faced and he chose to do what he chose to do, and I think only compassion for his struggles can illuminate any part of it. I hope others out there who may feel like not continuing are able to find comfort not in how Bill died but it what he meant, both as a person and as a cultural force. And you’re so right that there will never be anyone like him. They didn’t just break the mold…they forgot how molds are made.

]]> By: horehound stillpoint http://www.tinynibbles.com/blogarchives/2012/08/r-i-p-bill-brent-author-publisher-and-sex-activist.html/comment-page-1#comment-37073 horehound stillpoint Thu, 23 Aug 2012 20:07:41 +0000 http://www.tinynibbles.com/?p=16037#comment-37073 Bill Brent forged a community just by being himself. That's amazing, important, big-hearted work. Like Michelle Tea, Kirk Read and others are still doing, he created work, then found an audience for it, and - voila! - ended up helping other people even more than he did himself. That might be one decent definition of a beautiful soul. Plus, there'll never be anyone else like him. Maybe I missed it but I haven't seen anyone say much about the fact that it was suicide. I've never understood why so many societies judge that as a crime, a sin, or less brave than 'pushing through.' It seems to me like an honorable option for people who find this world impossibly difficult. I wish peace and love and eternal happiness to Bill's spirit. Bill Brent forged a community just by being himself. That’s amazing, important, big-hearted work. Like Michelle Tea, Kirk Read and others are still doing, he created work, then found an audience for it, and – voila! – ended up helping other people even more than he did himself. That might be one decent definition of a beautiful soul. Plus, there’ll never be anyone else like him.

Maybe I missed it but I haven’t seen anyone say much about the fact that it was suicide. I’ve never understood why so many societies judge that as a crime, a sin, or less brave than ‘pushing through.’ It seems to me like an honorable option for people who find this world impossibly difficult. I wish peace and love and eternal happiness to Bill’s spirit.

]]> By: Chris O'Sullivan http://www.tinynibbles.com/blogarchives/2012/08/r-i-p-bill-brent-author-publisher-and-sex-activist.html/comment-page-1#comment-37053 Chris O'Sullivan Wed, 22 Aug 2012 06:46:54 +0000 http://www.tinynibbles.com/?p=16037#comment-37053 He re-landscaped the sexual topography of the SF Bay Area. Sad to hear he's gone. He re-landscaped the sexual topography of the SF Bay Area. Sad to hear he’s gone.

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