Comments on: Wednesday Nibbles: New OkCupid Survey, Do You Need A “Bisexual Card”?, Trans Challenges, NYC Sex Worker Tech

By: Harold

Harold — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 05:34:20 +0000

If you ever plan to seek asylum for persecution of sexual orientation in the Czech Republic, I suppose a bisexual card might come in handy: http://www.globalpost.com/dispatch/czech-republic/101209/homosexuality-test-gay-asylum-seekers

But seriously, I find this discussion on the tension over what “bisexual” means really interesting. My LGBT friends seem pretty laid back about the topic—some of us like women exclusively, some like guys, and some both, with some variance between self-description and actions—and I haven’t seen much pressure on the bis to “declare” all the way one or the other. But then I haven’t gone to any rallies or LBGT group meetings or anything, so maybe I just haven’t seen it.

By: Peter

Peter — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 04:13:56 +0000

Oh, and can I take Alan Cumming home with me? He can wear a kilt instead, if he’d prefer that to the violin.

By: Peter

Peter — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 04:12:26 +0000

Wow… if both Elf and Violet are uncomfortable with the “bi” label, I feel vindicated. I am definitely not straight, and I’m definitely not gay. I call myself “bi,” but that’s largely because people seem to want a label and it’s the only thing I can think to give them. Honestly, I’d be much more comfortable if people didn’t bother with terms at all: you love whom you love is all. In the immortal words of Edna Mode from the Incredibles, “Yes, words are useless! Gobble-gobble-gobble-gobble-gobble! Too much of it, darling, too much!”

By: Tiffany

Tiffany — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 14:31:37 +0000

We have quite a few people in the Calgary bisexual/pansexual group who are not ‘behaviourally bisexual’ and it’s a really interesting and sometimes intense issue. There’s a lot of pressure from both the gay and the straight communities, and defining what it means to be bisexual (or pansexual, or whatever non-binary thing you are) is not easy. I think it makes sense to sometimes hate being bi, and to struggle with integrating that into your everyday life. Even though I try to advocate loudly for the ability of bisexuals to be in whatever relationship format feels right for them, for me bisexuality “works” best in a poly or non-monogamous relationship and I am really conflicted about how that ties into stereotypes about promiscuous bisexuals.

By: Bacchus

Bacchus — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 17:16:01 +0000

Well, they still have interesting data sets, they just have a different set of incentives with regard to what they want to share with us about that data.

So they remain like any other source of info on the web … you’ve got to read them with a critical eye and an awareness of what they are selling.

I agree that the buyout has shifted them several large steps further into the “boring corporate” shade, making what they have to say likely to be much less interesting.

By: David

David — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 12:30:23 +0000

You know, I just can’t take anything OKCupid releases anymore seriously after they got bought out by Match.com. Reputation of source is important when sifting info on the internet, and theirs went down the toilet with me when they deleted their “Why paid dating sites don’t work” post.

By: violet

violet — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 08:32:01 +0000

I think I understand. I’ve always “felt” bi and sometimes acted on bi, but have never had a fully integrated bi life. I tried lesbian, but it was like trying straight. Neither ever quite fully fits – but there’s what I want, and there’s what makes life happy and day-to-day functional, and being loved. I have rad sex with guys, and rad sex with girls and trans people, but the intersection is always… well, it’s not worked yet as an integrated system.

Sometimes I hate being bi. Is that weird to say?

By: Elf M. Sternberg

Elf M. Sternberg — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 06:45:40 +0000

I’m kinda uncomfortable with the label “Bi” these days, despite having written one of the first bisexuality FAQs. I haven’t dated a guy in almost 12 years, not since my kids were born. I miss guys, that way.