She wrote this story just for tonight – only and exclusively for us – to be published here for the first time. Thank you, Alison! If you like this, be sure to give her a shout on Twitter.
I’m proud, honored, and totally titillated to share with you “Pavlov’s Balls” by Alison Tyler. In it, a girl does crazy things to her boy to get him to perform on a countdown… Photo: A is for Asylum by B.A.S.
Pavlov’s Balls
“You’ll come when the ball drops.”
“Excuse me?”
“Name a better way to ring in the New Year than with a hard O.”
“But how, Molly? I know I’m good, but I don’t exactly come on command.”
“Yet.”
Simon stared at me. I stared back at him. I could feel myself getting wetter by the second. “We’ll need a lot of practice, of course. I don’t expect you to shoot simply because I…” I snapped my fingers, “snap.”
According to the book Bunny Tales by former Playboy Bunny Izabella St. James (pictured above), the Playboy Mansion is like a combination of smelly rest home and filthy home for wayward girls on the plastic surgery gravy train. If it’s true, the accounts are pretty eye-opening. The book is not new, but the Daily Mail just published an in-depth look at life with Hugh Hefner in the Playboy Mansion centering on St. James’ book and experiences, with added storyline from other sources to bring it up to date. I read it much in the same way you eat a bag of greasy potato chips. Can’t stop once you start, even though you know it’s not good (it’s also sex-negative in parts)… The curfews, the sex party etiquette, all worth a glance. Here’s a snip:
(…) For Izabella, the Playboy Mansion was far from the glamorous pleasure palace she had imagined. ‘Each bedroom had mismatched, random pieces of furniture,’ she recalls in her autobiography Bunny Tales. ‘It was as if someone had gone to a charity shop and bought the basics for each room.
‘Although we all did our best to decorate our rooms and make them homely, the mattresses on our beds were disgusting — old, worn and stained. The sheets were past their best, too. (…) She adds: ‘But then Hef was used to dirty carpets. The one in his bedroom had not been changed for years, and things became significantly worse when Holly Madison moved into his room with him as Girlfriend No. 1 soon after I moved in, bringing her two dogs.
‘They weren’t house-trained and would just do their business on the bedroom carpet. Late at night, or in the early hours of the morning — if any of us visited Hef’s bedroom — we’d almost always end up standing in dog mess.
‘Everything in the Mansion felt old and stale, and Archie the house dog would regularly relieve himself on the hallway curtains, adding a powerful whiff of urine to the general scent of decay.’ (…read more, dailymail.co.uk)
I don’t know about you, but this kind of pisses me off. I mean, all the money in the world to make the ultimate castle fuck pad, and this is what you do? This is the limits of your imagination? If I could make my own Adult Disneyland, it would be a revolution and a work of art, forever.
So this is the desired end result of the Playboy lifestyle? This is the sum total of the male ideal Playboy sold us? Go on, Hefner. LIVE THE DREAM.
Fun and strange, blowup dollies and hot fetish girls, starring my dear friend Kumi! It’s Kumi’s newest video It’ll Be Allright by erotic photography legend Gilles Berquet.
Kumi also looks *great* on the MedicalToys New Year’s front page:
She’ll be at my house for New Year’s Eve – if you want to spend it with us via livestream with a few dozen friends, details are here.
A roundup of other people’s lists that circles the globe, ranging from talented sex bloggers and bright sex educators to entertaining mainstream media candyfluff. These lists are my favorite end of the year guilty pleasure, and I’ve been culling them just for this post.
* .XXX domain, Australian censorship (Operation Titstorm), queers, anti-porn feminism, more. From Australia comes the best year in review for women and porn, and an important indie porn wrap from a formidable female pornographer: Porn For Women Retrospective 2010. (msnaughty.com)
* Charlie Sheen, Al Gore (and masseuse), Christine O’Donnell, DADT, The Slut Gene, It Gets Better, Assange, more. A gallery – love these year-end, make-you-click-100-times posts, eh? Nay. But Daily Beast’s Year In Sex 2010 gallery is mildly entertaning, at least. (thedailybeast.com)
* Tori Black (above), Lupe Fuentes, more. I love Sexaminer! Check out Examiner’s Top Five Porn Stars of The Year 2010. (Ed note: female porn stars only, examiner.com)
* Sex and video games: Nipple wasps, sex crimes, thumb puppets and grinding to Kinect. IGN’s Year in [Videogame] Sex is hella nerdy. (pc.ign.com)
* Penis pumps, painful sex, cock size, vaginal taste, more. One of America’s leading top sex educators Cory Silverberg posts an interesting FAQ in The Top Sex Questions 2010. (sexuality.about.com)
* Mario Testino, Eniko Mihalik, Miranda Kerr, Kate Moss (above), Louis Vuitton, more. Sex and fashion (haute couture): when my fave fashion blog died, I found FGR off a link from their site – many have reposted them since. I’m pleased to see Fashion Gone Rogue’s own Year in Review | Fashion Gone Risqué 2010. (fashiongonerogue.com)
* Facebook and syphillis, Clitoraid, Sex Lies and Pharmaceuticals, more. In the UK, beloved sex educator Dr. Petra Boyton does a tidy wrap on her view of The Best and Worst Sex and Science Stories of 2010. (drpetra.co.uk)
* Old Spice guy, Xbox, AXE, cheerleader boobs on Chatroulette for Dr. Pepper, more. Old Spice guy is made entirely of animals in heat. AmIright? Sex and advertising: not purposely about sex, but bursting with it is Adrants’ Most Read Adrants Stories of 2010. (adrants.com)
* Jiz Lee, Eon McKai, Feminist Porn Awards, Padded Kink, more. Courtney Trouble’s Year In Fast Forward reads like a queer porn 2010 greatest hits. (courtneytrouble.com)
* Photos of sexy San Franciscans and the exceedingly naughty things we do – in our streets, the horses are never frightened. SF Weekly has a hyooge gallery (many clicks) of Best of San Francisco: The Year in NSFW. (sfweekly.com)
* Oh, we’ve got New York, too – the Village Voice’s gallery is hot, it’s New York: The Year in NSFW. (villagevoice.com)
VB note: The two main things I felt went overlooked in 2010′s pop culture sex roundups were True Blood and Lady Gaga.
Work the room: joke that your only resolution is to be kissed on NYE. Unless you have a kissing partner, you’ll need to be charming, or at least adorably nerdy but still kind of brave.
Hygiene check: this is crucial. Keep your lips conditioned (lip balm or a nice or neutral flavor or scent; or go easy on the gooey lip gloss). Check regularly to make sure you don’t have olives in your teeth, that your teeth are brushed (!), and that your breath is inviting. If you’re not sure, keep mints handy or nibble mint leaves or lemon from your cocktail garnish.
Ask first, unless you know your kiss-ee is willing.
Moisten your lips, but don’t make them wet. Do this during the countdown from ten.
When the ball drops, and the cheer gets loud, go in for the kiss. You don’t need to wait for them to finish their sip of champagne.
First point of contact: eyes. Make eye contact and smile as you move in for the kiss.
Second point of contact: hands. Touch as you come close for the kiss; don’t grab. Hands can go on the waist, small of the back, shoulders, or you can stagger your hands so one is at the back of the neck and another is pulling them close, in the middle of their back. Hair! Don’t mess up the hair!
Third point of contact: lips. Soft, slightly pursed. Don’t do duckface. Death to duckface. Pause, then make lip contact. This way you avoid chipping a tooth with your excitement. Don’t mash lips; that actually hurts. Keep your lips soft and press, savor. The quiet in the chaos is in your kiss. Right now, it is the only moment that matters on earth.
In the kiss: when you have lip contact, then you can let the passion out. Pull closer, slowly angle your head as you press in. One tip is to imagine your nose drawing the slowest invisible figure-eight you can. As in, you may not complete the eight before it’s time to stop. Keep your tongue to yourself. Okay, maybe just a little (little!) but this is a kiss you want to keep neat and hot, not sloppy. It’s okay to close your eyes. Do a measured count to five for a long kiss, then slowly open your eyes.
Kiss like you mean it; kiss like you want to be kissed on the first minute of the New Year.
If you don’t count and just go with the feeling, a great way to know when to stop is to listen to your environment. Louder or quieter, or singing; the change around you indicates it’s time to stop.
How to end it: after your count, open your eyes and break the kiss with a smile. If you want to thank your kiss-ee, it’s a cute touch.
* Edge play goes over the edge: Gunplay sex fantasy game ends with wife dead. (nydailynews.com)
* Kinsey Confidential published the third part of their interview with TinyNibbles friend Dan Savage, and in part three he says some extremely controversial things about monogamy. You might find yourself taking a side. (kinseyconfidential.org)
* […]
Or even if you're not - this wonderfully unnecessary porn post should warm you up no matter where you are. Those who are snowed in will hopefully find that these handpicked free porn galleries warm them from pole to pole (and frozen lakes inbetween), otherwise it's an excuse to play […]
With over 6000 responses, the 4chan sex survey (LINK UPDATED) may be the largest sex survey yet. It's quite comprehensive, and bracingly honest: I think that's the beauty of 4chan and its inherent anonymity - and of non-state sponsored, non-commercial sex surveys. It's going to upset some people, but to […]
A lot of people seemed to think the points made in 2010: The Year Of Whining About Women In Tech (zdnet.com) were very important.
It's really too bad the article was published before an industry friend sent me Marissa Mayer: Girls Can Be Geeks Too (newsweek.com). Newsweek asks one of the […]
I do my best to blog with opinion and not judgement. But as you may know, sometimes, I do jump on a chair and squeek a bit of OMG, girl you didn't.
It's the season of goodwill and stuff, and maybe the fact that I spent what was supposed to be […]
On Thanksgiving, one of the world's top erotica writers and editors, literary siren Alison Tyler gave us a very special (and explicit) serving of erotica just for TinyNibbles readers. We made a deal, and she wrote two more stories for Christmas and New Year's - these are only and exclusively […]
It's been a year of outstanding sexiness, and a time when geeks come in a dazzling, pulse-quickening array of flavors. As more and more people are hip to online life, the world of sexy geeks expands - with authentic sexy geeks, and those of us who think they're the tastiest […]
I probably don't need to warn you about the sexual explicitness in these holiday themed porn galleries, but I will anyway. Especially if you ever, ever want to look at Santa the same way again. Or Santas. Some of the galleries have multiple Santas. How is this possible? I thought […]
Looking at this super sexy video ad for Forrest & Bob Underwear (link: omghot), we all think 'where the hell does this run'? The answer is not on TV, and likely not in Europe, where us domestics tend to think all the sexy ads get to run free. No, I […]
I worry in my black little heart of hearts that someone may take the wrong turn this holiday season and decide to give a gift they think is funny-sexy, when in fact it is funny-horrifying. In hopes that you'll give sexy gifts that are truly erotic and not deeply psychotic, […]
Have you ever wondered what the "Q" in LGBTQ stands for?
Do you ever wonder what happens outside of what you're "supposed" to fuck, how you're supposed to fuck, and who you're expected to be when you fuck?
Do you long to see mainstream porn overthrown; the gender binary made into a […]
I've been watching the news, and UK politicians are intent on setting up porn filters on the ISP (Internet Service Provider) level to filter the Internet going into people's homes, etc. You'll remember that I wrote an article about it a few weeks back (Britain Considers ISP Filters To Save […]
I took off the gloves in my newest post for ZDNet, 2010: The Year of Whining About Women In Tech. I just couldn't stand seeing people say that women in tech, or lack thereof, is a problem - without telling me WHY this is a problem. How the hell do […]
This is beautiful, brilliant, and of course, darkly tragic. Design studio Nation used the 2600 list of words Google blacklisted for their "Instant" search function and made a Google Blacklist holiday card generator (wearenation.co.uk). It's filthy and funny - and it shows just how ridiculous the words actually are on […]
Ms. Violet Blue (@violetblue) is an investigative tech reporter at CNET, Zero Day, ZDNet, and CBS News, as well as an award-winning sex author and columnist, making her the foremost expert in the field of sex and technology. She travels to hacker conferences and hacker gatherings around the world to cover hacking, cybercrime and personal privacy violations in countries such as Malaysia, Germany, Morocco, China, the Dominican Republic, the United States, and Serbia. In 2012, Blue presented “Hackers as a High-Risk Population” bringing harm reduction to the featured stage for CCC’s 29c3 hacker conference in Hamburg. She is an Advisor to Without My Consent, a Member of the Internet Press Guild, a Member of the Center for Investigative Reporting, and is an Editor on the Board for Routledge's Porn Studies Journal.
Blue appears on CNN and The Oprah Winfrey Show and is regularly interviewed, quoted, and featured in a variety of publications that includes ABC News and the Wall Street Journal. She has authored and edited award-winning, best selling books in eight translations - one is excerpted on Oprah Winfrey's website - and has been a sex columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle. She has been at the center of many Internet scandals, including Google’s “nymwars” and Libya’s web domain censorship and seizures—Forbes calls her “omnipresent on the web” and named her a Forbes Web Celeb. She has given keynote talks at such conferences as ETech, LeWeb, and the Forbes Brand Leadership Conference, she received a standing ovation at Seattle’s Gnomedex, and has given two Tech Talks at Google.
Violet Blue bio courtesy TTI Vanguard. Photo of Violet Blue by Samantha Wolov.
