Since sex-negativity is the idea that sex is inherently bad, sinful, dirty, shameful, a lot of people think that sex-positivity is the idea that sex is inherently good. And that’s not true because it’s all about how you feel about the sex you have. A lot of people have negative experiences with sex (even when we set aside things like sexual assault).

I think that the key is learning to let go of judgment around sexuality. I’ve heard it said that we’re not responsible for our first thoughts since they’re deeply influenced by culture, family, religion, experience, etc, but we are responsible for our second thoughts (i.e. how we respond). I don’t believe it’s possible to be non-judgmental, but I do think we can learn to let go of our judgments without letting them affect how we act.

Within that framework, what I look for is whether the consent, pleasure, health, and well-being of the participants are being cared for. I strive to remember that each of these will be defined differently be different people, so I try to use the other person’s definitions. And if they tell me or act in ways that show me that those ingredients are present, then I celebrate their joy and pleasure, even when they do things that don’t work for me.

Ultimately, sex-positivity is about creating a positive relationship to sexuality. My own, yours, and anyone I come into contact with. It’s about honoring and celebrating sexual diversity. It’s about healing from erotophobic and sex-negative messages. And it’s about pleasure.

but it’s complicated because of how power relationships and privilege complicate our ability to communicate effectively

also because “harm” is tricky to define (just look at the SSC versus RACK debates in kinkland)

i have more to say, so I made my own post http://bit.ly/cEasER
thanks vb!!!

That’s not so easy to do.

Think about the things that you have internally repressed at some point in your life. It doesn’t even have to be anything that is at issue in our greater society. If you have nevertheless repressed “something” (anything in fact), you were not embracing what makes you happier.

Embracing what would make you happier, especially sexually, makes you ‘sex positive’. We could all do with more happiness both within ourselves and others.

Regards,
etc.

“Sex positive” is a term that acknowledges human sexuality, human sexual pleasure, sexual expression, sexual orientation, sexual desire, sexual education, sexual speech and gender acceptance as containing inherently healthy, good, and positive values. Sex positivity takes for granted that human sexuality in all its consensual variations is a good thing.

Further:

Sex-positivity indicates viewing human sexuality and sexual pleasure from a positive, nonjudgmental, encouraging, and also limit-respecting perspective. It counters certain cultural views that sex (expression, desire, orientation, education, enjoyment, speech) is inherently negative by seeing sex as inherently positive — and healthy, especially when individuals are provided accurate education and tools to make appropriate and healthy (self-defined, individuated) decisions about sex. It is not a judgement-based model of sexual prescription, repression or censorship. It is not “anything goes” because it necessitates respect and consent as part of sexual tolerance: what is good for you is still good for you, even if it is not good for me. Sex positivity grants that each person has the right to decide the sexuality that is right for them.

Having a “sex positive” attitude or perspective means that the first interpretation of anything sex-related is to see the good in it or its positive effects. It is taking for granted that sexual *anything* is good by nature — before jumping to assumptions and conclusions about negative effects.

A sex-negative approach is one in which it is taken for granted that sexual *anything* is going to be bad, harmful, immoral, shameful, uncontrollable and contains consequences. Sex negativity, widespread in many cultures, removes individual ability to engage with sexual topics and content on free thinking terms and disallows enjoyment of sexuality. It removes agency by judging sexual interest, expression and pleasure as harmful.

A sex-positive education would allow access to factual, non-judgmental information so individuals can make age and culturally appropriate decisions based on accurate facts. (e.g, here, masturbation is a healthful activity as defined by proper context)

A sex-negative education would disallow access to accurate information in lieu of harsh moral judgment and discourage individual sexual agency. (e.g., here, masturbation is harmful, if it is even discussed)

It also means not being afraid to be talk about sex in open public forums (like this one!)

We love the question and the forum you are providing. We’d also like you and anyone else to visit our website sexualabundance.org – Moving Beyond Erection Dependent Sex – it is a site for people living with erectile dysfunction, exploring how we too can have a great sex life.

Being sex positive means being accepting of behaviors in others that I might not be interested in myself, as long as it falls within the bounds of consent. For me sex positivity is an extension of a consent based ethics in which what we do is only restricted by what we can freely negotiate with equally situated partners.

Living a sex positive life involves being true to your own desires, while trusting that your partners will be giving enough and thoughtful enough to try to meet those desires. It means being willing to try things instead of rejecting them out of hand, it means living with the belief that sexual expression and communication is a positive force in relationship and lives when it is done thoughtfully and with care.

My main definition of what I call “Sex-Positive”?? Simply, the right of sexual self-determination. The right to have your own personal sexual boundaries accepted and respected by others…even as you reserve the right to expand and redefine those boundaries yourself.

And, to quote from the classic tome The Ethical Slut: “Sex is nice, and pleasure is good for you.” Mutual respect, mutual informed consent, and mutual pleasure.

Anthony

A lot of you seem to see it as a human right.

Before I wrote this post, I wrote *my* definition of “sex positive” — my sex-positive guideline definition. I saved it in a text file on my desktop before I published this post. It is unedited, and I’ll put it up as-is after we get a few more personal definitions. I held back on posting it because I didn’t want to set the tone. I’ll be curious to see how it resonates here.

William Hassinger: Being sex positive, to me, means that I’m as willing to talk about sex as I am literature, or movies, or the Red Sox. When sex as a subject holds no particular weight as a subject other than what the conversation its self imparts. Sex positivism is not what you do, but what you don’t. It’s not always about speaking up in defense, sometimes it’s just speaking normally.

Bob Hooker: I think any valid definition of sex positive that works for any good faith person would be invalid in a state like Lybia. They also are not too fond of drinking their either.

Jonathan Cunningham: Sex positivism is the encouragement of sexual exploration and expression in and between consenting adults.

Andrew Mabey: Sex positive, to me, means having an honest understanding of ones own personal sexual identity and understanding and acceptance of one’s own personal limits on the matter, regardless of associated cultural and social baggage and the acceptance of that state in others in spite of the distaste, or pleasure, one may have of those other’s choices. Be honest, with yourself and others, and do no harm.

Lalena Parkhurst: In the word of The Kinsey Sicks “God wants you to get laid!”

Mateo Ptmd: not sure i can give a dictionary def but: people expressing their sexuality/sensuality for the enjoyment of all involved.
a good example might be:
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=119473284776665

Kd Grace: Sex positive is creating an environment free from censorship in which people can safely explore and discover their own sexuality without pressure, interference or the shaming influences of religion, politics, propaganda,’ or any other anti-life-affirming influence. Actually, I just blogged about this topic!
http://kdgrace.blogspot.com/2010/10/female-sexual-functionality.html

I think it means the ability to enjoy this natural part of our minds and bodies without the guilt and prejudices that most of us were brought up with.

I have a close group of around 20 friends and in a crisis there is nothing we cannot say to one another. I appreciate and champion that environment but to me the sex positive mindset should mean that we don’t have to wait until a crisis to discuss how we feel about sex.

“How did you hurt your elbow?”

“Soap dish gave way in the shower with my husband yesterday – damn tilers!”

Thats how easily sex should fit into peoples everyday life.

To me, that awareness — that sexuality is part and parcel of this creative power, whether or not you choose to express it via intercourse, and this power is essential to healthy human beings — that understanding is being “sex positive.”

#

Dear Violet,

I learnt the term “Sex Positive” from you. Before I heard the term I had no idea that the concept existed and the second I did I realised I had been doing it all wrong! Since then I have practised, learnt and tried ever so hard to get it right (boy has it been fun :))

Sex Positive is to me being empowered to say yes! Enthusiastically and to people I want to without seconding guessing what I want. Its saying yes and meaning “Hell yes!”"Please Yes” “Fuck yes!” “God yes!” Not saying yes and meaning “Ok”
Its about not being afraid of sexuality, of being excited about it instead! Being sex positive is being positive that you want sex, and that’s awesome!

#

I identify as sex positive.

I am sex positive because I don’t feel shame when I think sexual things.

I am sex positive because sex feels good and *everyone* has the right to feel good about themselves.

I am sex positive and I try to spread the sex positive message because sexuality is too big of a part of human nature to be ignored or shamed.

Sex positivity is not merely pornography, although that can be part of it. More importantly it is a state of mind.

Paul Carroll: I’m positive I like sex. :)

Richard Stringfellow: Sex is a part of our lives and it should be celebrated, studied, understood, shared, and not closeted or shunned.

Kendra Holliday: Sex positive is recognizing that humans are animals, not mannequins.

Craig J Stadler: per sexaudia- “an overall open attitude toward human sexuality.”

Justin Laws: That sex is pleasurable and good for you.

Nicholas Polimenakos: Freedom

Danielle Sipple: i miss it. :(

Sonya Jasmine Berg: To me it means: Recognizing sexual pleasure as an evolutionary gift and approaching it with intelligence and passion.

Klara Kadar: sex is a celebration of life and health. do it.

Andre’ Duckworth: Recognizing one shoe does not fit all. Recognizing your preferences, while respecting others without judgement. Recognizing that sex is healing…

Shawn Keith Phillips: I’m not exacty sure at all. Its a term I have never heard used before.

Chloe Hollingsworth: To me, sex positivity is recognizing that sex is as much a normal, natural part of life as eating, thinking, and wanting to do something meaningful with your life. Therefore, to deny our sexuality, no matter what form it takes, rather than learn how to use it responsibly is as destructive as it would be to deny ourselves food or education — and like an earthquake, the pressure can build and build until it explodes, and then destruction ensues. (As opposed to carnal passion, in which that pressure can build and build until *you* explode, and then happiness ensues.)

Milly Payne: To me, Sex positive means living my life and conducting my feminist work in a way that incorporates sex and celebrates everything sexual, everything from kinkfest to vanilla, and knowing that sex is a positive and powerful force in our lives and most important, to me anyway, is celebrating PLEASURE!!