These are hilarious and horrifying, and some may even feel strangely familiar. Jezebel asked readers what their worst masturbation nightmare stories were, and people responded with true tales that are impossible to stop reading once you’ve started. Most of The 10 Worst Masturbation Stories We’ve Ever Heard are from women: woe is the Ken doll. Although, one of them (#5) is really troubling… Snip:
This is mortifying. I still shiver and block it out when the memory arises: I tended to use whatever was available at the age of 16; in my case, my little sister’s ken doll was just the right size. Being widely uneducated about how it all worked down there at that point, I would just sit on it and rock. Well, we all know how easily those ken heads popped off…. yep. Into the the vajayjay. The problem was, I could not get it out myself. I flipped completely out, thoughts of it going up into my uterus and damaging my internal organs (again, not properly educated!) flying through my panic-induced brain.
What did I do? I told my mother. Took a deep breath, then blurted, “I was masturbating with a ken doll and the head came off inside me!”
The look on her face was a mixture of anger, disappointment and embarrassment. But she took me upstairs, and attempted to get it out. I was crying, mortified to the core.
It got worse. She couldn’t get it out. So she: got. my. FATHER. (…read more, jezebel.com)
Image by Samantha Gallagher.