that’s a lot of what I find myself doing these days. reading awful media treatments about sexual topics and imagine them done with a positive slant.

no one else will — not in mainstream media. that’s why it seems ambivalent. outlets like AskMen.com just don’t care about anyone being happy or satisfied, or empowered, they just think that they can apply the ignorant “sex sells” formula to anything that comes across their radar. there are no intelligent discussions being had about sex in mainstream journalism. if I was to write about Hakim’s erotic capital theory cold, without riffing off of AskMen/FOX, it would be from a very different perspective altogether — and if for a major media outlet, I would get comments form both Hakim and people who disagreed with Hakim.

do you see what I mean?

My problem is this – you take Hakim’s article which in my reading is about broad social patterns (erotics are very much a part of how women are valued – thus their social capital is greatly tied to the various currencies of erotic capital) and use it as a formula for redressing personal, individual sexuality. To my mind, Hakim’s uncritical identification of a social pattern (see dr’s point) in which erotics are a form of gendered capital does not equate to the kinds of values/attributes that necessarily increase individual happiness or satisfaction, which is where you have taken up the topic.

In other words, I think you have taken Hakim’s assertion that in broad social terms – sex sells, especially for women – to a new place. You have gleaned from it a sex-positive practice for people to live by. Okay. But you have done so without drawing any attention to the more difficult and problematic questions that arise regarding the limits and possibilities of either a) Hakim’s assertions around erotic capital; or b) the ways that erotic capital functions at the levels of society and the self.

Please do write more extensively on this topic, because I think it is one that deserves to be dug into more deeply and with more ambivalence than you have done here.

I think this goes back to your point about Confidence — so many people are unaware of their physical presence and, as a result, either don’t TAKE the space that’s rightfully theirs or else don’t know what to do with it. The classic example, of course, is the person who steps out of the way of another oncoming person who “owns” more than his or her space. Something as simple as choosing, head held high, to make that other person move out of YOUR way can utterly change how you carry yourself in so many other situations.

1. Nonchalance – You boost your erotic capital by not really asking for it. You want to be someone others are comfortable to be around – don’t try to sell yourself. It’s a general turn on to others to not be on the market. If that makes any sense at all.?

2. Difference in Interest – it seems as though we’ve implicitly stated that erotic capital is something females can rack up. Someone made a really good comment about that – they said that the reason is that its easy to identify men’s interest . That gives the edge to women, I think. Women do show interest but it isn’t always as obvious.

There was some discussion over the dividing line between confidence, and arrogance. I took a few darts for you there. Hope it helps.

The article’s definition of erotic capital improves on the point theory because it shows why the fleeting and more superficial aspects of appearance aren’t really ‘capital.’ You could think of these surface aspects as a loan with an advantageous interest rate. If you don’t find a way to invest it to bring a greater return you won’t end up with more capital at the end of the day!

In other words the guy with the chiseled body or the woman with the spectacular breasts gets a jump start in building their wealth. They must find a way to turn that relatively short term benefit into long term capital: social graces, learning to dress well, skills at seduction and sex, etc.. Otherwise the weight of years will turn them into the equivalent of the trust-fund baby who burnt through their cash by middle age and now can’t figure out what happened.

and Natasha, damn. ::sigh:: I thought she was too hot not to share.

hmmm