Image of Natasha S from this gallery.
Yesterday I read two great articles about sociologist Catherine Hakim’s theory on “erotic capital.” One way by Hakim herself in the pages of Prospect magazine titled Have you got erotic capital? The other was an interview with Hakim called Making capital out of sex appeal, which explains that:
She defines its key elements as “sex appeal, charm and social skills, physical fitness and liveliness, sexual competence and skills in self-presentation”. Men and women with erotic capital can expect to earn 10 to 15 times more than those without, she claims.
It’s a pretty interesting set of qualifications, creating a definition for something a bit more believable than “she got the job advancement because of her big tits” or “he gets all the girls because of his accent.” While these things may be superficially true with superficial people, there’s something a bit more nuanced at work when you’re talking about the laws of attraction, chemistry, animal instincts, sex appeal — and how this all ties into success. Anyone can sleep their way to the top or chat a certain kind of chick into the sack. But not everyone can be truly successful, and stay relevant in their success. The question is, do you have the charisma and magnetism to endure?
I found all this by way of this weak AskMen (FOX) article, which to its credit, attempted to dole out a formula to help readers acquire erotic capital. They didn’t really have the cojones to tell us what we could really put in the bank, so to speak. That’s because one of the elements of erotic capital that are singled out is Sexual competence. This is kind of where you can see the writer went eeeksex! and failed to face talking about sex head-on. They really suggested Kegels. Um… huh?
To me, raising your erotic net worth when it comes to sexual competence comes down to a few key points. And it’s not about exercising your privates, or being able to trick someone into doing something sexual. I really believe that this stuff shapes your character in a playful, inquisitive, positive way that translates into increasing your overall appeal in both the boardroom *and* the bedroom.
Confidence in sexuality — your own and others. This would mean having a sense of humor about sexuality, not getting easily freaked out about sex topics, shedding certain insecurities and inhibitions about everyday sex topics (things that surface in the news, for instance), and tolerance: the confidence that comes from not being threatened or made insecure by gay people or gay issues. Not having to make sex jokes at someone’s expense, but still feeling okay with making sex jokes. Homophobes are not hot. They’re socially weak. Don’t make sexual orientation your character flaw.
Raise your sexual IQ by learning a practical thing or two about sexual pleasure. You don’t have to learn anything scary, or try to have sex like a porn star with techniques only people at Cirque du Soleil can perform. Or “tricks” to impress a lover. What impresses lovers most is when you ask them what they like — and you actually listen to their answer. Learn the basics of sexual pleasure. Learn how to kiss. Read about how orgasm works, and know your way around safer sex gear. Most of all, learn what gets you off. It’s different for everyone. How else are you going to know what to tell (or show) someone who really wants to give you pleasure?
Get really good at one thing you enjoy — in sex. What do you like to do to turn on (or get off) a sex partner? Here are a few topics to get your mind rolling: dirty talk, oral sex, hand jobs, spanking, kissing, anal sex, massage, selecting and reading erotic stories, curating erotic slideshows, stripping, footsie, naughty text messages… Pick something and research every angle on making yourself the best at it. Read books, watch videos, and be the best at one thing. The rest will follow.