Comments on: The Onion’s 2009 Valentine issue

By: Ken

Ken — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 00:08:54 +0000

Argh. Can’t believe I forgot the most critical step.
Ching-wao tsao duh liou mahng!

By: violet

violet — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 22:06:37 +0000

my email is in plain sight on the front page of my blog, top, in my mini-bio. it continually amazes me that no one ever sees it.

Ken, you forgot the part about sacrificing the inflatable Nathan Fillion Love Doll, but the ritual should still work ;)

By: Ken

Ken — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 12:44:45 +0000

Steal the footstone from a pauper’s grave in a consecrated cemetery. Hide the stone under the mattress of a menstruating female who has given birth to 7 children – no more and no less. Leave the stone there for 7 nights, then retrieve it and at midnight (Pacific Time) under the next full moon, sprinkle the tears of a virgin and soy milk across the surface of the stone while chanting “Violet Blue” exactly 42 times. Immediately afterwards, you must burn your clothing and return the footstone to the grave while completely nude.

As far as I know, that won’t actually accomplish anything – but it’s a fun way to pass the time until Violet answers your e-mail.

By: Raul Velazquez

Raul Velazquez — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 02:57:44 +0000

VIOLET! ! ! I’m Writting from Mexico City. We are organizing a forum of erotism an porno at “Universidad Iberoamericana”, it’s a University, we are inviting several experts for our diferent themes, from around the world. And you are one vital person for our plans. We need to contact you ! ! Please answer as soon as posible, we’ve been trying to contact you by all our possibilities. my email. guero_50@hotmail.com, r.velazquez.cerna@gmail.com
(( IF ANYBODY KNOWS HOW TO CONTACT VIOLET, PLEASE HELP !!!! ))