From the monthly archives:

July 2008

I’m continually being made aware of sex resources and good/urgent sexuality causes that need attention, so I’m starting an irregular (because that’s apparently how I roll) feature, the Public Service Announcement post. Here are your three today:

* Kink Aware Professionals — a resource for finding psychotherapeutic, medical, and legal professionals who are informed about the diversity of consensual, adult sexuality. (See also, book Health Care Without Shame.)

* A new parenting guidebook I’ve just read and highly recommend: The Transgender Child. Helps also when you need to talk to your non-trans kid about their different friends. (No, don’t worry, I’m fixed.)

* Rags-to-Pads. Please dear mother Mary with a tampon made of manger hay, please help these women and young girls. The situation for Indian women who menstruate is horrifying, and this couple has a great plan to help. Tell Oprah, m’kay?

{ Comments on this entry are closed }


Image via sumimazen1973.

I actually had this much sexier ‘unbearable lightness of being Chinese‘ Tao Li Jing photo to go with this post about my SF Chronicle column (on SF Gate), but given that the original way female “gender suspects” were rounded up and examined in 1968, this image seemed more appropriate. And they’re cute and smiley, the way I usually prefer to see our nekkid girls. This week’s column is a doozy, and if you think you read about this topic in the NYT already, be prepared to see the NYT taken to task. Here’s a *fat* snip from half of my piece, China’s Olympic-sized sex and gender problems: Rounding up and testing female ‘gender suspects’ while disallowing sex talk to foreigners makes Beijing look like a bad place to be a top female athlete:

In a couple weeks, the Olympics begin in China. It’s a big country. So big that it manufactures most of the world’s sex toys, and was recently host to the world’s largest sex toy expo, the Fifth China International Adult Toys and Reproductive Health Exhibition. In 2007, the expo boasted over 30,000 attendees who gawked, poked, squeezed and generally tingled (or cringed) at all the weird and wonderful and wobbly and mystifyingly gender-bending sex gizmos on display.

Next month, something similar is supposed to happen on a more athletic scale: The 2008 Summer Olympics will attract athletes, press and spectators from all over the world. And China’s done some pretty weird things to get ready for the fete. Like Beijing shutting down all building sites and many factories to clear the smog after failing air quality tests. And arresting (or sorta-disappearing) the founder of China’s pioneer human rights Web site 64Tianwang — the numbers refer to the date of the Tiananmen Square massacre. There’s a lot more, like the pre-Olympic clampdown on sex, after-hours bars and adult lifestyle chat.

No sex please, we’re Chinese. As if. But what’s more to the point with China, sexuality, sexual human rights and the Olympics is Beijing’s announcement that it will set up a “sex determination lab” for female Olympic athletes “suspected” to be males. You know, because we’re sneaky like that. We could, like, totally kick your ass at the pole-vault competition with more experience than a girl should probably have with a pole in China, and no one likes that.

According to Xinhuanet News, “Suspected athletes will be evaluated from their external appearances by experts and undergo blood tests to examine their sex hormones, genes and chromosomes for sex determination, according to Prof. Tian Qinjie of Peking Union Medical College Hospital.” In this context, women are being singled out as “suspects,” “gender cheats,” “getting caught,” “being abnormal” and “failing” to be female, and judged by a parade of endocrinologists, gynecologists, a geneticist and a psychologist. Boys will apparently always be boys. Meaning, at the Olympics, men are never gender suspects. Contrast Beijing’s female gender profiling to Athens, where at the 2004 Olympics, Durex donated 130,000 free condoms to athletes, and the Sydney 2000 Games, where each athlete got 51 condoms on arrival at the Olympic Village (yet happily, another 20,000 were cargo-dropped in when Olympians were “burning rubber” in earnest).

How are Chinese officials deciding whom to test? You only need to be “suspicious-looking” to be forced into testing. The Olympic Committee’s woman-test began in the 1960s when Communist countries were untrustworthy “Reds,” Russian and German female athletes made leatherfags lift weights a little more often, and the first method of “testing” was to “ask” suspected women to parade nude before a panel of doctors to verify their sex. Some didn’t pass simply because they didn’t “look right” down there.

San Francisco’s Mikayla Connell is the former chairperson of the Board of Directors at Transgender Law Center and current board president of the San Francisco LGBT Pride Celebration Committee, and also an attorney at the Judicial Council of California. Transgender and intersex issues abound here, but turns out, the Olympics already have policies for such athletes. Connell tells me, “Though the subject of transsexual athletes might come to mind — that’s not what this is really about. The Olympics has specific rules regarding transsexual athletes and how they can compete. With the rules about transsexuals in place, the people most directly affected (as I understand it) by ‘gender verification‘ testing are people whose chromosomes, genitalia or genetics don’t conform to whatever arbitrary standard the testing agency has created or adopted. People are drawing a line in the sand in a desert without borders — the line is arbitrary, and ultimately unsupportable scientifically. And unfortunately, the results are devastating to those found to be on the ‘wrong’ side of that arbitrary line. The Olympic Council of Asia should learn from the International Olympic Committee’s 31 years of experience and drop this testing — it doesn’t work and it’s harmful to the athletes.”

Connell also thinks — while the rest of us girls practically burst into our own Olympic torches of anger — that the Olympic Council hasn’t come a very long way, baby. Not one to miss an exciting moment of misogyny, Connell adds, “You don’t see men being tested for ‘masculinity,’ just women being tested for ‘femininity.’ There seems to be a perception in certain parts of the sports world that women who are really good at sports must not actually be women, but men in disguise.” (…read more — I think you’ll find it quite alarming.)

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

sf bay guardian: best of the bay = me

I’ll admit I Flickr’d it before posting the brag-gasm here (spank as you please), but here’s my ecstatic comment, “they called me “beloved”! it was quite a surprise, even the photog couldn’t tell me what it was for. I just went for it and hoped for the best… (in print and web).”

I do take seriously, however, the snuzzly-dog-catster gauntlet comment thrown down at me by Sir Rheingold for competing with me for the (2008) SFBG’s “Best Violet Blue” award next year. I am indeed keeping score from this point forward, young man. ;)

{ Comments on this entry are closed }


Image of a different kind of bare back by spiritus.molenuex.

Last thursday on NPR an Oakland (CA) teen talked about what’s up with his generation’s take on sex and condoms(MP3 link, three minute segment), saying that when a teen couple decides to go bareback — condomless — it is the serious sign of commitment for people his age. It started a firestorm in their comments, snip:

Thursday, as part of Day to Day’s series “What’s the New What,” Pendarvis Harshaw, a teen who grew up in Oakland offers his own provocative take on the California relationship dream. “Sex without condoms is the new engagement ring,” he suggested in an on-air essay. Among his friends and acquaintances, ditching the condoms for other forms of birth control like the pill, signifies taking monogamy to a new level; partners are required to trust each other completely at the risk of getting an STD. Given that few of his friends in their late teens are thinking much about marriage, this transforms a prophylactic into a relationship sign-post along the lines of an engagement ring.

The piece provoked quite a bit of response. (…read more. (thanks, Cyrus!)

But here’s the thing I’d like to say to the people in the comments who said things like, “(…) How sick that your producers would highlight topics such as sex without a condom as being equated to engagement. Not only is that the most ridiculous claim I’ve ever heard, it’s also a complete overgeneralization of the fact … I will not be donating to NPR at any time in the future and you have lost my listenership and respect for your programming.” Harshaw was talking about a reality, and not talking about forgoing birth control. Being a girl who grew up when sex with condoms was just plain part of sex, and anyone who asked to go bare was considered an asshole, I think we’re seeing the generation gap here big time. Going bare is a serious commitment to me at least, though quite a taboo, and even a pretty forbidden fetish here in the Castro. I’ll admit that sex without condoms or dental dams feels like a million bucks, but that I’m 100% disease-free because I wait for test results and emotional reciprocity to make that kind commitment? Priceless.

{ Comments on this entry are closed }


Image by the brilliant Rudi Mentaer, whose site is here and blog is here.

Superb marketing: Babeland’s thursday New York event includes wine by family-run West coast winemakers Naked Winery, producers of Dominatrix Pinot Noir, Missionary Cabernet Sauvignon, Naked Merlot, Climax Chardonnay, Bareback Chardonnay and a very Dirty Dozen mixed case. Pricey and I have no clue about quality, but *how fun* these would be to get a party going…

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

viv, my future ex girlfriend
Vivian, shot by by that Kadrey miscreant.

Fleshbot makes you a guy. Gizmodo = twice as likely to be a guy. More women read Engadget than the Giz, though. BB is a sausage-fest, but I blame the mods. YouTube rates as gender neutral (HUH!?), while Apple is for the femmes. Okay, it’s all based on surveys and no one on the Internet knows if you’re surfing doggy-style. But this “for entertainment purposes only” post Using your browser URL history to estimate gender is rather amusing, if probably sketchily correct.

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

a moment of brag: “Obama should ‘end war’ on sex education”

28 July 2008
Today I had the uberly dorkily giddy thrill of being (re)published on the very prestigious RH Reality Check website with my piece Obama or McCain's National Sex Ed Program -- and the editor asked me to be a contributor, bestowing me with a blog! I was featured on the front […]
8 comments READ to YOUR HEART’S content →

there’s just not enough sex in advertising

27 July 2008
Sex sells, but only if you do it right. Image via Unblogged. I was having a lovely drink with the lovely (in a guy way) Steve Hall the other day, and we pretty much wept openly into our cocktails about how sex doesn't really sell as much as everyone thinks it […]
10 comments READ to YOUR HEART’S content →

having trouble getting an election?

26 July 2008
I'm not sure the Election Protection line of condoms now being sold at Condomania will help with election dysfunction. Or maybe they will. They also have ones with Nixon on them which puts a whole new meaning to the concept of "Watergate", and the store kindly offers both Republican and […]
3 comments READ to YOUR HEART’S content →

bedpost: stats and averages for your sex life

26 July 2008
Image by friend Richard Kadrey. Over at Shake Well Before Use, my close friend Ariel Waldman shows us Bedpost, which is still in alpha but endeavors to give users a utility to utterly, possibly scarily geek out with your very own DIY sexual experience data aggregator. It's either "yay!" or "yikes!" […]
4 comments READ to YOUR HEART’S content →

pretty girl friday overflows into a weekend extravaganza

26 July 2008
Natalia A from this astoundingly beautiful gallery. See, the problem is that I'm always searching for good porn. So when I find better and better stuff at the end of the week, I hide it in Firefox tabs for the weekend, much like a squirrel stashing jiggly, giggly and artsy acorns […]
5 comments READ to YOUR HEART’S content →

sex and drugs, and misleading CNN article titles

25 July 2008
Image via Inkman. Cafe lattes should be frothy, not sex educators. But when I was cruising my Google News feeds and came across the CNN article Ladies: 5 ways to get your sex life going, I clicked it, felt instantly like a total dope for giving them my click, and became […]
6 comments READ to YOUR HEART’S content →

in praise of cfnm

25 July 2008
This is one of our regularly scheduled porn breaks, where I cease to bring you sex news, sexual health info and commentary and show you some adult entertainment. Today I want to share one of my very favorite porn niches with you, and it's not the first time I've sung […]
5 comments READ to YOUR HEART’S content →

girls and math — do we have to add it up for you?

25 July 2008
Image via snowfreak91287. News item both for gloating, and gratuitous excuse to show you the hot photo above. NYT -- Math Scores Show No Gap for Girls, Study Finds, snip: Three years after the president of Harvard, Lawrence H. Summers, got into trouble for questioning women’s “intrinsic aptitude” for science and engineering […]
4 comments READ to YOUR HEART’S content →

SF Chronicle: Obama’s national sex education program

24 July 2008
Intimate moments in hugely public spaces are divine. Image via obama blackfolk. In my San Francisco Chronicle column this week, I basically write an open letter to Barack and Michelle Obama (and the nation) about the urgency of saving our kids from thr perils of current sex ed programs, and tell […]
14 comments READ to YOUR HEART’S content →

hot boy thursday: young narcissian gods

23 July 2008
Image by phheww. There are SO many hot boys in this world. It's a great place to live in, no? Of course, I think my Hacker Boy is the hottest, though don't let that make you think I'm not on the prowl to do The Right Thing and point you at […]
4 comments READ to YOUR HEART’S content →

COPA overturned — yay!

23 July 2008
"The 3rd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals today upheld a lower court ruling striking down the controversial Child Online Protection Act (COPA) that required Web operators to restrict access to large amounts of constitutionally protected speech. COPA placed severe restrictions on a wide range of legal, socially valuable speech, including […]
1 comment READ to YOUR HEART’S content →

the nation gets a sex column: but will it be arousing (intellectually, of course)?

23 July 2008
Image via Map Girls. When I had a porn article in Oprah I was like, whoa, mainstream -- but now it's looking like even the more straitlaced media outlets are ponying up to *finally* viewing sex culture as a constantly relevant set of issues worth covering, in all its myriad forms. […]
READ to YOUR HEART’S content →

rachel kramer bussel’s video spanked off vimeo, flickr

22 July 2008
Image by Aaron Hawks, via erofantasian. Friend and colleague Rachel Kramer Bussel has a new book out -- I just got my hands on a copy of Spanked: Red Cheeked Erotica (it's great), and she's is full promo mode, with a fun spanking blog, virtual book tour and she even made […]
2 comments READ to YOUR HEART’S content →

much thanks, and a curtsey

21 July 2008
This morning on Adrants, Steve Hall posted about That Boing Boing Thing, specifically the video I made a couple days ago with the same name, where I attempt to explain WTF!? exclusively in the words of MetaFilter commenters. I also try to speak in disemvowel. You will like. Is a […]
20 comments READ to YOUR HEART’S content →