From the monthly archives:

May 2008

They say it’s for cupcake lovers — but I’ll just go ahead and say it’s for lovers, period: this sunday here in San Francisco my very close friend Ariel Waldman is the buttercream-alicious driving force behind Cupcake Camp, at Citizen Space from 2-6 pm. Tonight she told me they’re going to have way more cupcakes than people (YAY) and last night I chatted with a very cute nerdy tech boy who was demurely querying about Cupcake Camp and whether girls might like boys who bring cupcakes… Hey, I know it’s an all-ages event, but I’m just saying that something’s in the air. Something fun and sweet and sexy and geeky. Because Cupcake Camp is also about where frosting meets 2.0: barcamps and other “camps” have long been the more relaxed, more creative and more productivity focused gatherings that are the popular alternative to conferences. (In fact, camps tend to happen during tech conventions, and are typically excellent places to make professional connections.) So — come geek out with me and friends, and meet new cupcake-positive friends at Cupcake Camp! RSVP at Upcoming if you wanna. We’ll be channeling you, Rachel

See also: Cupcakes Take the Cake just profiled Ariel as the official Cupcake Camp organizer, and it’s a pretty sexy interview.

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for the sfbg
Photo by Justin Juul for the San Francisco Bay Guardian.

Recently I drank beer in Dolores Park with the San Francisco Bay Guardian, and they interviewed me — it was a really great time and the weather was perfect. The interview came out terrific and surprising; they asked me about my early writing career, my life as a homeless youth on the streets of SF and my need to document my life, and more. I think you’ll really like it. Here’s a snip:

SFBG: How was working at Good Vibrations?
Blue: It was cool. I don’t think I’d want to work there at the counter now, but it was fun while I was doing it. I would just hang out and talk about sex all day long, or make fun of ugly sex toys with my co-workers. And the strange quirky, homeless people who came in were always entertaining. We had an underpants gnome that was especially funny.

SFBG: What’s an underpants gnome?
Blue: He was this guy who would wander in with his underpants on the outside. He never stole anything, but he was kind of crazy. He would pick up books and show them to customers and be like “that’s my daddy.”

SFBG: He was pretty good for business then, right?
Blue: Ha, yeah right. It was always a challenge to keep him away from customers because we’d have people coming in to buy their very first dildo and some crazy dude in his underwear would be waving around porn talking about his daddy. We tried to keep him away as much as possible, but we didn’t want him to get arrested or anything. He never got agro or anything.

SFBG: Were you writing before you worked at The Good Vibrations store? I mean, did you study journalism in school or anything, or did you really just fall into it?
Blue: No, I never went to school at all.

SFBG: Oh wow. I didn’t know that. What’s your back-story then? How did you become Violet Blue?
Blue: Well, I had a strange sort of life. I never met my father, or any of my family, and my mother was a coke dealer and a crack-head. I ran away from home when I turned 14 and I lived on the streets of San Francisco. All told, I think I attended about six months of high school. So I never graduated high school and I never went to college. I got off the streets when I was about seventeen and just worked in cafes and restaurants until I got the gig at Good Vibrations.

SFBG: Holy shit, that’s amazing. Were you writing the whole time?
Blue: Yes. (…read more!)

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congratulations, mom!

by Violet Blue on May 30, 2008

Along with Cyndi Lauper and Charo, my [adopted] mom — Theresa Sparks — has been named Grand Marshal of the San Francisco Pride parade 2008! Yay! Last year I rode in the car with her, but this year’s going to rock!

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mark rutherford

My column about San Francisco’s sex work clients was the #2 read item of the day on the Chronicle’s website, got conservatives’ knickers in a twist, and got a lot of praise. But the best compliment I got was from local photographer Mark Rutherford who said, “Must say I’m glad you have a voice in the media. I appreciate any effort that encourages acceptance of self and others particularly regarding sexuality. I think you’re making a notable contribution to the health of our entire community in that regard.”

He gifted me with this link, not easily accessed from his main site — and when I asked, he gave me permission to share it with you. Thank you, Mark!

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tanguero

Image Devil Girl with Angel Wings by friend Demetrius Gonzalez.

As the week comes to a close, I’ve been sweating out a book deadline: Best Women’s Erotica 2009 to be precise. I received hundreds, literally hundreds of stories as hopefuls, I can only pick around 20, and the submissions are *incredible*. So I really have to slow down, and make it come together just so. Meanwhile, the links go on… Here’s a sampling of what I’ve had sitting in tabs as the most eye-catching bits in and out of my RSS reader while I’ve been in women’s erotica heaven… Which is a really nice way of also saying READING 30-40 EROTICA STORIES A DAY IS MAKING ME BATSHIT CRAZY. I mean, hottt. It’s making me hottt.

Here ya go.

* I am totally not afraid to admit that I have spent minutes, possibly hours distracting myself with the Knicker Picker. I just can’t get them to bend over. Yet. I love the Internets.

* Last week my pals at Bizarre magazine emailed me with their feature on the stunning fetish model amputee Viktoria. Her interview is startling and inspiring: she basically grew up with a withered leg in the bosom of the Torture Garden, where she identified strongly with fetish culture. It gave her such a defined sense of self that she recently had her hated leg voluntarily amputated and is now exploring all the ways she can make it beautiful, and was apparently an inspiration to the other women in the hospital whose various amputations were not voluntary and did not feel beautiful. Check it out. Then, don’t forget about the original hot fetish amputee, tattooed altbabe Amina Munster (official site).

* Not sex related, but for some reason this week I was thinking about the biggest journalism scandal you probably never heard of: the over 700 articles written for Wired (2000-almost 2006) by a woman who filled articles with “anonymous” quotes and anecdotes from sources that could never be confirmed (in one case, an entire story was based on an anecdote from a family the writer never contacted). Over 500 possibly made up stories on Wired? They never retracted the stories, just added a “note”. Think about it. I was reminded of it when I was researching a proposal and came across on the her articles. And knew I couldn’t use it as a source for even the basis of the article. Total junk.

* Here, rinse your brain with Titty City. Eon told me a day ago that he just got copies of their ‘zine in the mail and likes it.

* More ‘not sex related’ but whoa: Motivational speaker accused of violent bender. I guess it’s the John Wayne statue used as a weapon part that stays with me late into the night, not the glaring hypocrisy of people who tell other people how to live their lives. Because I’m just used to that. What would John Wayne do?

* I really really want to go to London to see the Klimt exhibition. They’re saying it is now so difficult to put one together, there probably won’t be one this comprehensive ever again — and there’s a whole room of his explicit erotic work. And hey, while I was across the pond, I could just pop down to Barcelona (another place I’m dying to visit) to see the erotic outdoor sculpture park in a forest in Catalonia.

* Monkey powered robot arm!

* Last night I, er, pored over what has to be one of the strangest sexual fetishes I’ve ever seen: Japanese Ecto Porn (that’s what we decided to call it on Fleshbot — if you know what this fetish is called, please tell me). It’s indescribable and so *very strangely* erotic. Just heed this one warning: do NOT do what I did out of curiosity and track the URL back and look at the original site’s front page unless you want to be goatse’d/2girlsonecup’d. I made the mistake of doing so. Hacker Boy found me after I did so and was trying to remove my eyes with a grapefruit spoon and he asked to see it thinking it wouldn’t be anything — and was quickly, deeply regretful.

* One of the most poignant points I’ve read on a blog this week is the opinion of The F-Word in regard to the truly evil actions of Rachel Moss: “I also do not want to dismiss Moss’ actions and culpability beneath the rug of mental illness. Her actions posed irreparable and significant harm for many people – for both those whose photos were posted and culture at large – and mental illness should never be used as a justification to harm others.” I too am angrily tired of mentally ill people harming me, and others. If you missed the story, Moss attended feminist sci-fi convention WisCon, “where she photographed fat, disabled and trans people (including children) without their permission and then poorly edited out their faces (but not their name badges) and posted to a high-traffic site with scathing editorials on each and their bodies.” Friend Liz Henry has a good post on it as well (“We are all ugly, fat lesbians. Yup, all of us. Just fyi.”), as does another fave blogger Angry Black Woman, lots of people are talking about Moss’ eating disorder, and I just have to add my personal rage at Moss to the pile. You see, one of my friends was in one of Moss’ hateful fat+trans+woman-phobic photo attacks. A friend who is pregnant with twins. Ya, she’s fat. I think don’t really want to know what’s wrong with women like Moss, I only want to see them exposed and their behavior drawn and quartered because the Internet is good for nothing if it is not good for outing douchebags. mentally ill people are accountable for their actions, period. It’s easy to say ‘she’s sick’ or ‘her mom told her she was a bad person as a child’ and then ‘her mom was abused by her dad’ — and the blame game can just go on and on and on. I say, fuck that.

* Last week I read this fun piece where journalists (LA Times + NPR) reverse engineered Google’s Hot Trends List to uncover a porn story — only to have a few excellent revelations about the layers and sophistication of web search spam, turning in a really good story about porn, after all.

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Image by Cyan Del Mar.

In this week’s SF Chronicle column, I interview Tristan Taormino about her new book Opening Up, and the resulting piece Open Relationships, Demystified is quite revealing. I’m really a n00b about open relationships and tend to be monogamous-yet-always-questioning, so my queries are not from a place of experience — or ignorance. So I think you’ll find it interesting and useful. Plus, Disco Stu is in it. Here’s a snip:

For some reason, when I think of open relationships I think of Disco Stu. The hippest dude in the Simpsons’ pantheon of characters, Disco Stu always wears his sunglasses and refers to himself exclusively in the third person. Based only on that criteria, Disco Stu is inarguably cool. A babe magnet. But most of all, I think we all agree that if we had to guess, we’d conclude that Disco Stu is a swinger.

And if Disco Stu were a senator, I can’t help but think that the cultural conversation about sex scandals would be different if a supposedly cuckolded Mrs. Stu made a statement to the press that, actually, she didn’t care about the other woman. Because you see, they have an agreement. Then, the sex scandal would no longer be such a scandal. And that wouldn’t get ratings, now would it?

Of course, open relationships are in reality far from the playful cartoon caricatures of swingers, or the other end of the non-monogamy spectrum: nightmarish Texan polygamous fundamentalist sects. As the No. 1 request I’ve gotten for topics to be covered in this column is non-monogamy, and there is only one Disco Stu, I think the question is simply, “What are open relationships?”

It just so happens that the interest in non-monogamous advice has been reaching a peak in my inbox at the same time that infamous New York sex educator Tristan Taormino (puckerup.com) has released her newest book “Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships” (Cleis Press). The book has its own blog, chock-full of resources for couples and singles interested in understanding and exploring options outside of monogamy. What’s more, Taormino lands in town this weekend for two events to celebrate and raise awareness about the indispensable information in her book. Monday, she’ll be hosting a workshop called “Making Open Relationships Work,” and on June 5, she’ll be celebrating at a free release party for both the book and her new “reality porn” video “Chemistry #4″, along with stars from the film Penny Flame, Adrianna Nicole and Sinnamon Love.

Even if you don’t consider monogamy monotony, the book is an eye opener. Disco Stu could not be reached for comment, but Taormino patiently answered my questions about threesomes, changing relationships and more.

Violet Blue: What’s the biggest myth about open relationships?

Tristan Taormino: There are so many myths about open relationships. I think one of the most popular is that people in open relationships have intimacy issues and trouble with commitment. (… read more!)

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now do as you’re told and buy the mistress a birthday present

28 May 2008
I love, love, love San Francisco's Mistress Morgana. No discipline is needed for that statement (though from her it is always desired). I've been reminded that her birthday is coming up sometime near the weekend, and today she expressed her birthday wish: marriage for all. So if you want to […]
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always consider the right-leaning, fallacious source

28 May 2008
Image by gecko.juice. I've been attacked, criticized, parodied and trolled quite a bit over the past year. Every time, I remember my close friend Lori's advice, from her mom: always consider the source. Which is why considering a recent blog post attack on sex work in San Francisco by Ben Wachs […]
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slate’s girls night at the firing range

27 May 2008
Image by Helmut Newton. The video embedded below was on the front page of Slate yesterday and now it's impossible to find -- luckily I coped the embed code for Girls' Night Out At The Firing Range because it's really an enjoyable video. Host and writer Samantha Henig is a gun […]
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how to blow up your genitals

27 May 2008
Apparently, it is as easy as dropping a lit match on your bits after you have slathered them in silicone based lube. Reader Patrick sends me the links to Ask Garnet's short and firey lit-match-to-lube experiment. Don't worry, in the video the lube is a safe distance from any dangly […]
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crushed out on katie west

25 May 2008
Images of Katie West courtesy of Katie West (thank you!) It's time I introduced you to one of the more consistently delightful contacts via my Flickr account: Katie West. She's somewhat recently gone through the mill with Flickr's yet-to-be clearly defined content rating system, and her whole account has been forcibly […]
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living online

25 May 2008
Image of Vivian De Milo by Psychedelic*Panda, whose Flickr account is sadly censored to non-members but whose photographer profile lives here. Being a woman who documents her life here is a source of power. Don't ever let anyone make you think otherwise. I'm finding that some of my closest female friends as […]
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cinemacowgirl’s pretty girl friday

23 May 2008
Image by Lauren Bentley. I know you love it when I get tired of the same old boring gallery fodder and frolic outside the pretty girl friday corral. That's why I think you'll love the work of CinemaCowgirl -- Lauren Bentley. Her website is a lush blast of great photos and […]
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why ariel waldman’s twitter harassment is a serious call to social networking sites about stalkers

23 May 2008
Ariel under the mistletoe, my house NYE 2008; photo by our friend Scott Beale / Laughing Squid. If you haven't seen it yet, I highly urge you to read Ariel Waldman's incredibly brave (and chilling) post, Twitter refuses to uphold Terms of Service. It's being posted everywhere from Vivane's Sex Carnival […]
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a minute of keeping up with the lara jade story

23 May 2008
It was almost exactly a year ago when I wrote for the Chronicle about Lara Jade, whose image had been used without her permission for a porn boxcover -- and all the twisted, fucked up turns the story took. When I wrote the piece I actually got the guy […]
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nude in SF strikes again!

22 May 2008
Cute Marie buying and eating ice cream in the nude at Haight and Ashbury! Lots of fun new teasers up at our local nudie cutie site, plus some nicely done Google maps so you can see exactly where each picture was taken (here's Marie's Haight jaunt). So simple, so sweet, […]
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the refined sex work clients of san francisco

22 May 2008
Image by Pedro Meyer via the things i see. In this week's SF Chronicle column I ask some of our lovely, articulate local sex workers about the sex work market here in the Bay Area -- specifically about their clients. What typifies a San Francisco "John"? Turns out, our local sex […]
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no rly

21 May 2008
Flickr'd here by my friend Doctor Popular. Update 05.30: Doc Pop sent me more info on this, posted after the jump. (more...)
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bombshell betty’s new book is here!

21 May 2008
Image: Bombshell Betty and Bunny Pistol in this terrific burlesque set by popgoesamanda. I'm so excited! I can't wait to get my rouge-stained paws on a copy of Bombshell Betty's new book "Pinup Modeling Workshop In A Book: 'Plain Jane to Pinup Queen'". For several years now, local burlesque goddess […]
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sex educator ducky doolittle

21 May 2008
Current TV has a great profile recently up about my friend and sex ed colleague Ducky Doolittle. (Too bad they don't link to her site.) I've known Ducky for several years now and I've even crashed one of her fabulous workshops; she's a hardworking East Coast educator and has a […]
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