So what if she doesn’t look like a plastic Barbie doll – have you SEEN those women on the plastic surgery shows after a few years?

Give me a real woman any day, one that has beautiful eyes, a big brain, loves s-e-x, and knows how to weld is a 100000000000x better than the sad specimens those people idealize.

Speed On, Violet!

vini

Respect and support,

Antdevamp

I mean, come on. Gorgeous eyes, attractive smile, smart, capable of thoughtful commentary, solid critical thinking skills, damn snappy dresser… can we buy a round of this drink for the ROOM?

Yeah I know dismissing the tripe isn’t easy. So lemme help.

Tripe —(well-placed foot)—> trashcan

Yay. Go smile in mirror now. :)

———————————————————

Love to see the “discussion” sex brings up…

angryyoungman…ever consider our world emphasis on war could do with a dose of free love? They say “women’s” issues aren’t as important either. Hmmm. See the connection?

To a handful (teehee!) of others, I recommend going back to your Maxim magazines. (Wagnerian, timkai, and *wckjb*? – snm!))

diggerincolma – sorry you have had such painful experiences, but not everybody has drawn the same conclusions as you in life…in fact, MANY have richly rewarding poly relationships, and even (gasp!) one night stands. BTW…more meanness. Can see why your sex life has been so painful when your beauty focus is so F—ed up.

AryeMiklBender – just plain bitchy…retract the claws, girlfriend!

PS I happen to find Violet intelligent, unique and quite stunning!! Love her blog, love to see more and more women doing this work. Funny how there are so few sex advice columns written by MEN (Susie Bright, Nina Hartly, Violet Blue….I could go on)…maybe you boys need to get a clue and listen up….might learn something.

you’re blog rocks my socks

When dealing with trolls you must remember they live under the bridges on which the high road travels. And while its tempting to piss on them from above, you only muddy your path and slip down to them. It’s best to keep walking with your chin held high on the pillars of confidence and conviction.

Please remind your friends of this, and let them know its this confidence in their unique beauty that makes them sexy.

Love the blog and podcasts. You’re helping the world. Never forget that.

-TBI

Ain’t that the bitter truth? Also, even if they *are* prepared for the level of sexual hate that they face online, it’s often different to understand how to deal with it logically than when the hateraid is being dumped all over your head.

Even the strongest individuals are affected if insults and epitaphs are hurled at them enough.

I wonder sometimes if these individuals – you know, the ones who have nothing better to do than sit in their basements taking shots at people who obviously have much more fulfilling lives than they do – ever consider the impact that words have on individuals. Feh… of course they don’t because trolling in of it’s self is a new age psychosis. (IMHO.)

Don’t feed the trolls, yes… but, also don’t take crap from them either.

Great article, Violet.
:)
KK

I don’t think God made a commandment against adultery, instead of fornication, because he didn’t know how to spell “fornicate”. Adultery is a matter of dishonesty, of not honoring a commitment. Fornication? That’s just friendly friction – and gee, God made it enjoyable? Whatever was he thinking?

I think Bombshell Betty has a fantastic body. Bones are for dogs; men like a little meat. And I’m one of those men who enjoy supersize women, the ones that can’t buy in a Lane Bryant store, but have to shop the Lane Bryant catalog. But skinny women are OK, too, as long as they smile. And if they have great laughs, I’m in love.

What I’m not in favor of are tattoos. It strikes me as trying to improve the Sistine Chapel by slapping a fresh coat of eggshell Lucite on the ceiling. Do women think they are making themselves more attractive with their tattoos? I wonder if this isn’t another sign of low self-esteem, the same as anorexia nervosa and bulimia.

But I’m getting to be an old man. I suppose I’m just not “with it”.

Thanks for the inspiration :)

Keep on keepin’ on.

Everything you write makes me think “There might be hope for this Internet thing yet…”

Keep rocking and don’t let those little people get you down.

I stopped worrying about nasty comments a while ago. They bothered me at first, but then I started posting excerpts from some of the more creative ones – and found out that everyone thought they were hilarious (including me, after a while). Many of my blogging friends do the same now.

There’s only one caveat – if you ever get a comment that’s threatening, don’t ignore it. Get someone involved who can trace it, and report it. Unfortunately, there are a lot of crazies out there.

Take care…you’ll be fine. Don’t let the assholes get you down!

thank you, everyone, so very much. thank you! yay!

my intention with the column was not to garner praise (no complaints!), but to raise the conversation about trolls, female self-image and sexuality used as a weapon, and have the community discuss what we can to about it. as individuals *and* as a culture — and it’s working. of course, in SF Gate comments I’m being accused of all kinds of things, like whining, or letting the trolls “get” to me, which isn’t true, nor the point. (and I expected those comments, btw.) but I think the most interesting bit so far, that’s gone less commented on — in the literally dozens of emails in my inbox about this column right now — there’s one from a guy who moderates a gardening forum. he writes in detail about how responsibility ultimately falls to public websites for being held accountable for troll behavior. analogy: scream “fuck” in a restaurant and see how long you’re allowed to stay.

yes, I may have fed the trolls a bit with this one, but I think I fed their targets even more — and hopefully *armed* their targets, and all women who walk around with trolls in their heads and cope with trolls IRL, with some of Betty’s wisdom. most girls just aren’t prepared for the level of sexual hate they encounter online, and as the internet goes into its second decade, we need to be prepared for it (and include it our 2.0 “talking to your kids about sex” discussions), just like defensive driving. I ride my motorcycle like people are actively trying to kill me, and it’s saved my skin many times. online, the vehicle just happens to be a vagina, as it were.

I’ve been visiting your website for some time now. There I find you celebrating the nearly infinite range of human sexual expression with love and compassion and truth and humor and downright funkaliciousness. Thank you for being your sweet fine self.

Sincerely,
KJ

First, I suck at writing my skills are art and design so I will try to get my point across as best I can. You are not anything these Trolls try to say you are. you are fucking beautiful and I could be biased because my girlfriend is close to a redhead version of you, same look. Anyway that is the one thing I really hate about the internet is that some people hidden behind some screen name can be so hateful to others. and you see it everywhere. Just yesterday I found this video of a cute girl that just made videos of herself looking cute and anime-like on youtube. I was amazed and saddened by the completely hatefully comments people left for her video, for no other reason then to just be mean.

anyway what can you do but ignore them.

I love your podcast and your website, I am also ordering one of your books to help support you mission open source sex so keep up the great work. I would like to donate some time if you ever need some graphic work

Abhay

I just stumbled upon your site and LOVE your article in the SF Gate. You’re 100% right – most women, myself included, fall into the thin+blonde=beautiful. Your article is incredibly empowering and uplifting. Thank you for being honest and shouting the truth.

I would like to say that I think you are awesome, sexy, intelligent and beautiful -forget what these idiots say. Their opinions should have no bearing on your happiness, but sometimes they do hurt yours and other’s feelings; I know it is easier said than done, but forget them. You and all women like you sexy for one reason and one reason only – because you are women. Each of you are beautiful and unique in your own little ways.

Luv ya,
Marcello
xxoo