This week, I face down every SF Chronicle and SF Gate troll that called me a fat ugly skank for having an opinion about sex and scandal last week. Hater, please.
Two am and the comments are already *flying*. In this week’s SF Chronicle column I asked Bombshell Betty in private emails (and she allowed me to quote her) how she deals when women in her retro burlesque striptease classes freak out about not being sexy/skinny/”perfect enough” — along with the BS that all us women face online — and how trolls lose, because we’re just fine and hot and we’re winning. And MSM sites are getting a clue that misogyny makes everyone look like shit.
Feels good to walk by the mirror. Come join me in Ugly Violet: Every girl online is fat, ugly and unsexy. Here’s how to get over it. Snip:
In this space, I have an opinion-driven column where I write frankly and openly about sex. There’s a lot of pressure on this little column; people expect a billion different things and assume all kinds of craziness (like that it’s actually printed on paper somewhere, or that I’m a sex worker). For last week’s column I did an all-too-brief chat about sex scandals and sex culture with Phil Bronstein, and one comment on the video said, “Sorry, but being an unattractive skank is not enough to make you an expert. Watching Violet is like watching the female version of Bill Gates expound on sex — something you just don’t want to see. Or hear (thank God we don’t have smell-o-vision!)”
Like I, or any woman worth her weight in vagina, should give a toss what “viking116,” “toadytenderloins” or “bigdaddyhouston54” say about what we look like, our sexiness, or its relation to what we’re saying. No, that’s why we have friends (and editors, and in my case, agents and publishers). Everyone knows comments like that are from trolls who make any publication they’re associated with look bad, and they should be bitch-slapped from here to … at least the Tenderloin and back. They’re off-topic and thus easy to discount nonetheless, but would political sex and culture commentary from someone who looks like Pamela Anderson actually be taken seriously? Maybe by the editors at Maxim, but honestly, what girl wants the adoration of psychotic anonymous trolls?
I just write and talk about sex. But every woman on the Internet gets called slutty and ugly and fat (to put it lightly) no matter what; all we have to be is female. In dinner conversation, my friend Lori reminded me of the Oscar Wilde quote, “Give a man a mask, and he’ll tell you the truth.” I restated it for the Internet, replying, “Give a man a mask, and he’ll slit your throat.” The application here is, “Give a man (or a woman) an anonymous account, and he’ll eviscerate your self-esteem.”
The problem is, with so many women I talk to, the trolling is effective. The number of times I’ve talked down a crying girlfriend after she’s been trolled in her comments about being fat, ugly, skanky, slutty or stupid is higher than I can count (no matter what she writes about). (…read more!)
* Yes, I know I’m walking into a firestorm, but who else will? Join me. It’s a dovetail on my body hate and porn post. PS: yes in the image above that’s a brass knuckle necklace, and my personally assembled San Francisco charm bracelet including mini Transamerica Pyramid, anchor, tiny Golden Gate bridge, bitty cable car and more… Didn’t have a recent pic with me and my .45 handy :)
Update, 5pm: OMG, 800 comments and climbing!?
Update 3.28, see also: Pro-porn pundit Ms. Naughty has an eloquent post up in reaction to this, furthering the conversation in The “Ugly” Conundrum.