Image of Nicole @ 4am at local 24-hour grease pit Sparky’s by Merkley??? This is how we all look when we end up there at 4am. And eventually, we all do.
It’s cold, we just had a million days of freezing rain, everyone’s depressed and breaking up, and it’s dark and I’m trying to be all “Wig in a Box” about my life and… Yet, San Franciscans still can’t keep their clothes on, or keep me from loving them. But dammit, it’s cold, and I don’t want everyone to get the flu again like we all did in January. Hence this week’s column: a love letter to the wicked little town that just can’t keep its clothes on. Here’s a snip from Naked in San Francisco – When it’s so cold and rainy, why can’t we all just keep our clothes on?:
Dear San Francisco,
I love you. You’ve raised me the hard way, you’ve lovingly taught me about diversity and compassion and understanding, and most importantly how to say things like, “You go, girl — and take those tacky shoes with you.” Our relationship means more to me than anything. But now I feel like I’m getting all grown up on you, and have to get a nagging issue off my B-cups:
It is cold and rainy outside. In fact, it’s freezing. If you must go out, please put some clothes on.
It’s not that I don’t enjoy the bobbing bits and jiggly jugs that ornament Bay to Breakers annually; that’s all sporty and in May, and runners stay warm. (Or so I’ve heard. Do I look like a girl who jogs?) The recent San Francisco No Pants Subway Ride looked chilly, but at least you all had your undies and tops on so you didn’t catch a cold or the devastating MUNIan-flu that seems to be making the rounds right now. The San Francisco World Naked Bike Ride (sanfrancisco.worldnakedbikeride.org) takes place in June — admittedly not our warmest month, but still. And our nude beaches? That’s just another predictable summer feature. At least our Folsom Street Fair (folsomstreetfair.org), the nationwide poster-child for anti-sex fundies’ “look at the nekkid sodomites” hand-wringing, was probably carefully negotiated by BDSM Best Standards and Practices to be held in late September, guaranteeing asses sunburned in the shape of chaps and rope-harness tan lines for all.
Right now, the FCC is about to slap ABC affiliates with a $1.4 million fine for a glimpse of actress Charlotte Ross’ naked behind in an episode of NYPD Blue that aired five years ago (thanks to current administration politics and the American Family Association). It’s a glimpse of normal human nudity after 9 p.m. and the fine proves the FCC is clearly out of touch with the communities it serves, the real world and the future. It looks like the FCC is a much bigger threat to broadcast TV revenue than YouTube. (My NSFW analysis and coverage, with video, is at tinyurl.com/2cym33.)
But my sweet, sweet San Francisco: We’re way more tolerant than that minority. Even if sometimes on Craigslist someone has to express a few personal ground rules for gym-room posing and pecker-peeping, as in this Best of Craigslist posting:
“Dear San Francisco Gymnasium Nude Guy: (…)
Link.
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