Agent Provocateur shot of Maggie Gyllenhall by Alice Hawkins, via.

I got this idea, and then part of me was like, WTF — I hate these Hallmark holidays! Plus Valentine’s Day is still like three weeks away, so you’re probably wondering why I’m already thinking about it. I figured, the easiest way for people to ask for, get, and give exactly the right sexy gift is to create and share an erotic online wishlist. And I’ll bet most people don’t know about a few of these sites’ wishlisting abilities (and good privacy policies):

Instructions: 1) Make wishlists. 2) In the next week, send your lists to admirers/Craigslist/Facebook stalkers/local abstinence-only program directors. 3) Get stuff to use while staying home alone on Valentine’s Day lip-synching and rocking out to Britney’s “Gimme More” to self in full-length mirror. Privacy point: if you share your wish list URL with someone you don’t know, it probably doesn’t hurt to be extra careful with your privacy and use a PO/commercial mailbox (not your home or work) address. I’ve included sample links below to ones I’ve made for this post so you can see what they look like, and I was excited to see Stockroom had the foresight to create individual wishlist RSS feeds for users.

Alt instructions: Send this post (or individual wishlist signup URL’s) to someone cute. If it’s someone new, let them know there’s no obligation; if it’s your honey, tell them to “pick their poison”.

* Amazon. Duh, that’s an easy one, but now you can make multiple wishlists and share them specifically, or keep certain ones private. They have a *lot* of sex toys to choose from, erotic books and videos, shoes, and — sigh — lusty gadgets, and even computers. This is what mine looks like.

* Agent Provocateur (image via). This would mean dropping some serious dough, but this is undoubtedly the top of the line for gorgeous and utterly sexy lingerie (and assorted bedroom playthings). Oh my gawd, their lingerie is hot. To find someone’s wish list, you enter their email address here: that link also gives you wish list signup instructions — and has a link to invite your lust object to create a wish list “for your eyes only”. Second to Amazon, AP has the best wish list user interface: when you’re done making your ridiculously extravagant list, there’s a form at the page bottom where you can send the list as an email, even assigning it a send date. They send an email with a link, to a page that looks like this. And yes — that’s Maggie Gyllenhaal you see modeling some of their lingerie.

* Stockroom. They specialize in BDSM goods from the barely-innocent to the hardcore, and they also have high-quality sex toys and fetish couture. It’s super-easy: click on Wish Lists, do a simple signup and shop — do note that your account’s *email address* will be visible to whoever you share the list with. Then email the list (or post the URL) to your Bible study class: here’s my wish list so you can see what it looks like. You can even create an RSS feed for your wish list — great idea — like this one. It’s kind of like subscribing to your lust-object’s fantasies. Awesome.

* Fredericks of Hollywood and Victoria’s Secret. More lingerie — a girl can never have enough. At Frederick’s, you create a registry and then tell your lucky shopper how to find you in their database. At Frederick’s don’t make a wish list — they’re useless; make what feels creepily like a bridal registry, create a fake date, and your shopper can search for you by last name, shop and never see your mailing address. Here’s my quick and cheesy registry. Victoria’s Secret is my least recommended because you create an account and then your wishlist, yet they require your email address and don’t give the option of opting out of “special offers”. They should call it Victoria’s Spamlet. I don’t trust them.

Update: a friend emails, “there are also some cool web 2.0 wish list sites like wists and kaboodle. i use kaboodle. i keep everything private, but you can ’send to friend’, which sends the whole list, or you can send just one item.”