On the eve of Macworld, from the archives: How to Seduce a Mac Geek: A Macworld Sex Guide, snip:
When considering a sex partner, do you think about what operating system they’re using? Are you like me and have never knowingly had sex with a Windows user? Or are you just wondering what all the business is about, not just at Macworld this week but also with Mac geeks in general? Well, we’re all in luck because Macworld is in full swing right now, and the city is filthy with all that user-friendly Mac ass. Oh yes: Macworld is like captivity for sexy geeks, and this week they’re all in season.
What is it about Mac enthusiasts that has ordinary women and men surveying bedpost (or MacBook) notches and emitting a fearful cackle while overwhelmed with evil satisfaction at conquering each morsel of this nerdy prey? Why does a conventioneer brandishing a MacBook Pro cause ordinary passersby to suddenly exhibit a “take no prisoners” attitude — and also want to play the warden, if you get my drift?
First of all, we’re in San Francisco — so you know we’re all AC-DC and OS X. Yes, Macs are stylish. Yes, their multimedia capabilities mean that porn looks great and is easy to watch and create. And yes, if you think about sex in terms of Tiger vs. Windows you want the system that says “grrr” and not the one that, having just crashed, kneels at the foot of the bed and promises: “Baby, next time it’ll be good. I promise. We don’t need to use virus protection — I got that all fixed, baby. Really, it won’t be like last time. …” And we don’t need Steve Jobs telling us the way to share music files is to share an earbud with that someone sexy.
Oh no. You can tell by how they walk, male or female, that they’ve had a bite of that Apple. It’s obvious that the Mac user is just waiting to be uncorked like a bottle of foamy champagne — and with a few precise techniques, it’s playtime at the Genius Bar in no time. And there are so many Mac geeks in town, it’s practically our civic duty to find out what kind of hot widget-on-widget action gets them through the night. So I offer to you this: a Macworld sex guide.