I’ve been quoted in Esquire pretty steadily since 2003. Sometimes twice in a year. I’m nice, give them solid soundbyte-ready sex ed tips, and though I’m not always easy to get a hold of, I make sure I get them something by their deadline. And they always, always use what I give them. The people I talk to there are unfailingly nice, smart and fun to talk to. Sometimes I’ll chat with them for a while about whatever sex ed topic we’re on, and we digress into other sex ed topics. I’ve always had a great experience with Esquire, they’ve always treated me respectfully on the phone and in print, and I’ve really considered it an honor to be a regular, reliable sex expert for them.

I’m in Esquire again this December. Normally I get dorky and blog it excitedly. Imagine how disappointed I was when I saw how I was quoted this time.

In their sex column for December in print and web versions, Stacey Grenrock Woods answers the question, “I’m a woman, and I think I might taste bad. Could it be something I’m eating?” In her response, she writes,

(…) And some experts (the ones who would talk to us) don’t rule out that your diet could indeed be influencing what the bloggers keep referring to as your “congealed salmon and battery acid” flavor. (But don’t let them bother you. Take it from me: They’re just jealous!) Garlic and onions spring to mind. Curry is far from innocent. Antihistamines, too. Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus author Violet Blue (who was kind enough to speak to me now that Blue Indigo Violet is no longer accepting my calls) posits that one can sweeten one’s taste by drinking “a smoothie that contains cucumber, mango, and pineapple juice once a day for three or four days,” and hopefully by that time, anyone who was considering oral sex with you will have moved on. (…)

The first thing I thought, after thinking “fuck you” for making fun of my name (which is SO original), was — I never talked to Ms. Woods. I had a nice chat with a guy (in October). Second, the information leading up to my quote (about garlic, curry, antihistamines, from “experts”) came from me. Next, I would never, ever be so rude to the reader, which I worry was implied by Woods’ hideously sexually shameful “salmon” and “battery acid” comments, along with the insult tacked on after my quote. Which I really really hope doesn’t make readers think I said that, or implied that. What an asshole thing to say; it’s so far and away from my approach. Sex should be funny and fun and smart — not make you feel bad for simply asking about it.

Then the last thing I thought was, fuck you for making fun of my name. That never happens every week by some troll in some comments, somewhere. Who is probably, actually in 9th grade. Next time Esquire calls, I’ll pass. I’m not, and never have been desperate to be in Esquire (or anywhere in media, to be honest). They’ll find some other sex educator standing right behind me with a degree and background in marketing who’ll be desperate enough to talk to them. Some people eat worms just to be on TV. That’s not me. Especially when you fuck with the way I present sex; have fun, but act your age. “Feed the poor, starve the rich” is one of my principles, meaning with sex, make fun of people who deserve it (as in hypocrites like Bill O’Reilly) and don’t shame readers for asking about sex. Esquire treated me so disrespectfully this time, it shows just how dated the attitudes (and systems) in print media have become.

Get real answers to the question of taste, flavors and changing them in my article Taste of a Woman, or listen to my open source sex podcast #33 (from my SFSI lecture) on oral sex and flavoring issues for all genders.

Now I have to get ready to go to a “sex themed” party. Should be fun! (If you’re wondering why I’m not at the Winnies tonight, I *should* be , as I was to present an award — but it’s my last weekend of lectures at SFSI and I chose the duty and love of work over play in LA this weekend…)

Update: Tony Comstock has a particularly eloquent post about Ms. Woods and what lots of us “sex experts” go through when dealing with magazines such as Esquire. My favorite bit: “I can only guess at what sort of personal baggage Stacy brings to her writing about sex, but I know all about the cultural baggage. It’s Tyra Banks making a cheap, undermining joke about faking orgasms; it’s ASHLEY AND KISHA getting banned, while DESTRICTED plays across town; it’s Stacy’s foul quip about congealed salmon and batteries acid. (Attributed to the blogging community, but Google comes up empty. Maybe that’s a peek into Stacy’s personal baggage after all.)”.