Published with permission, names changed to protect the defilers of the sacred phone innocent. (Image via; get more here and here.) More after the jump — they really get it on. As it happened:

SW: kt: lets have iphone secks
SW: yours has a female condom on already
kt: ok
kt: no
kt: I took it off
SW: oh
SW: shit
kt: I want to live on the edge
SW: well
SW: we can go barescreen
kt: mmm
kt: well, I have a screen protector on
SW: warming lube?
kt: i guess that’s like a dental dam or something
SW: heh
SW: only 94% effective like VCF
SW: its been on for at least 15 mins right?
kt: yea yea
SW: kk
SW: lets do it baby yeah
SW: show me your ipod app
SW: oh yes
SW: coverflow me!
SW: let me put in my contacts list
kt: uhhh
kt: jammm
kt: that “uhhh” was supposed to be a “sexy” uhh , not a “uhhh, what the fuck are you doing to my cat and why are your pants off?” uhhh
kt: sorry if that was unclear.
SW: ok
SW: mmm
SW: what next baby
kt: baby, let’s put this hot shit on youtube
SW: oh yeah
kt: it’s against the TOS, but it’s so fuckin’ hot, I want the whole world to see
SW: oh baby i’m transcoding! i’m all the way in h.264
kt: fuck ya, that’s hot
SW: oh yeah
kt: HD doesn’t only stand for high-def
SW: we’re on wifi
SW: so we can use that big rock hard pipeline
SW: stream all that data deep inside your buffers
kt: oooh, I hope someone sniffs my packets
* SW licks packets

kt: that’d be so fucking hot, I love when other people watch
* SW slides on top of kt to unlock her
kt: press my home button!
SW: oh yeah let me get some pics of your naked hot iphone body
SW: oh i’m gonna take you around the world and back with google maps integration
kt: just lemme have a look at your rock hard stocks… I’m sure they’re all up ;)
SW: oh yeah 5%
kt: baby, let’s make it 10%
SW: oh you can just see it rock hard
SW: just skyrocketing at the sight of you
SW: let me multi-touch you down there
SW: right there by notes
kt: zooom in!
SW: oh yeah
kt: zoom in!!!!
SW: its so warm in there
SW: let me spread my fingers
kt: oh god, I’m done. I need a hard reset and a nice sync.
SW: spread your calculator.app wide open
SW: mmmmm
SW: was it good for you?
kt: baby, you kknkow it.. best night sine the 29th
SW: i spurted huge streams of video and bubbles of sms texting
SW: right into your iphone baby
SW: oh yeah
SW: i didnt sleep that ngiht
kt: hot.
SW: or the night before
SW: all i coudl do was dream of you
SW: putting my dock inside your connector
SW: i can go again :D
kt: hahaha
kt: hot iPhone sex
SW: my battery lasts for 24 hours
kt: my first time, babe
SW: of activity
SW: oh yeah
SW: did i activate you?
kt: :O
SW: did anyone else in here actually get turned on by that whole thing? cuz if not i think i need some serious therapy
ani: well you’re the one who wanks to iphone videos
kt: SW, I lov youuuuu
zach|narcotized: hahahaha
kt: ahahaha
SW: shut up!
SW: shut up!
ani: :D
SW: it was so sexy though
• SW feels the love
SW: mmm
kt: jesus christ
SW: you’ll have to plug me in deep
kt: I’m not that kind of girl!
SW: bluetooth relationships dont work that well ;)
kt: sw, you’re insane
SW: but it coudlnt get paired with my comp
SW: so it killed itself
kt: I’ll never be able to look at my iPhone again
SW: not with a straight face
SW: that’ll spice it up ;)
kt: hahahahaha
ani: O_o
kt: “so, tonight, I had iPhone sex”