I’ve spent the past couple days working on my next book and my thursday column Lara Is Not A Porn Star: Or, How to make it in porn before you were even born. I actually called the people who used her (underage) image, and boy, taking to Texas Bob and learning “ALL WE KNOW” (which did not, unfortunately and to the great disappointment of my editor, include the recipe for vegan creme brulee) was the, er, highlight of my week. Yup, it’s another week like *that*. Snip:

Some porn lovers wax romantic about the good ol’ days of so-called classic porn. Made in the 1970s and ’80s, the classics, they say, exude a sexual playfulness and enthusiasm not found in today’s going-through-the-motions releases. They say film quality was higher, taboo topics were explored and bodies were more realistic, more natural. Others, like me, will simply wish they waxed, period, and we’re more likely to think that “Deep Throat” should have really been called “Hair.” Few of us wish we were stars in porn’s golden age — especially U.K.-based photographer Lara Jade, who discovered her image was being used to sell the repackaged 1982 porn release “Body Magic” last November. Lara isn’t exactly eager to line up for her long-awaited AVN award.

It’s not just that Lara didn’t want to be associated with green doors and deep throats and the “fun-loving” days of zero STD testing. Nor was it simply the violation of image use that capped the problems associated with becoming the unknowing face of a Sven Conrad (?) star vehicle. Perhaps one of the problems is that Lara is 17 and was only 14 when she took the self-portrait (with help from her mum). Or maybe, just maybe, that the porn film whose cover she’s on was made about eight years before she was even born.

Link.

Update: Lara Jade emails me saying,

Hey Violet, just reading the article when this popped up

“We e-mailed back and asked to talk on the phone to her parents to verify any of this stuff, and we did talk to someone who didn’t have a British accent but we still don’t know exactly who is involved here.”"

I never recieved an e-mail of TVX about phoning or ANYTHING like that… this is a total lie.

Reader responses to the column are after the jump.

* * * * * * *

“Lara Is Not A Porn Star”

Not just the actual story, but the way you wrote it with all the tongue in check stuff.

Very funny, good job !

Keep it up.

*

Greetings Violet Blue,

I was a little depressed today at work, bored too, when I clicked on your column at sfgate.com regarding Lara Jade and her dilema of becoming an unwilling porn cover girl. I usually find your articles interesting in general. Like many others, I’m sure, few things annoy me more than someone writing in all caps. Major irritant that. So when I got to the last line where you wrote ‘And for those of us who love porn, we still have the problem of porn being made and distributed by people who have no earthly clue how to undo their Caps Lock key,’ I laughed and smiled for the first time today.

So I just wanted to thank you for that. Keep up the good work.

*