Back when I was a budding porn nerd, I spent much of my time wishing I was a lesbian vampire in old Hammer Horror films — because they ate the good guys, fucked the bad guys and deflowered nubile, big-boobed villagers by the dozens (or bathed in their blood if they didn’t give any sugar on the first date). I’m actually kind of a walking encyclopedia of foreign lesbian vampire films from the 1960s and 70s. Way back in 1999, Gothic.net published my first article, “Cult of the Fallen Woman”, a piece about lesbian vampire porn.

And while I could wax poetic about Jean Rollin or Harry Kumel’s perfect Daughters of Darkness, I always returned to the comfort of a Hammer lesbian vampire film — like a reliable snack food, I could watch those and always emerged satisfied that evil triumphed over good most of the time, that girls were deadly, and I’d always have my fill of blood, boobs and huge fake hair. Vampirism was the most desirable social disease I could ever hope to have, resulting in the darkest decadence, even if alone with my TV and a beer was the closest I could get.

And Christopher Lee. My undead lust object.

So I’m intrigued to see that Hammer has risen from the grave. Snip from Guardian UK:

Unholy lusts, depraved, thrilling passions and unspeakable acts of violence and terror - all in glorious, gothic Technicolor. When the legendary Hammer House of Horror group set out to scare the wits out of people in the 50s, 60s and 70s, it did it in style, leaving one British censor musing: “The curse of this thing is the Technicolor blood: why need vampires be messier eaters than anyone else?”

For three decades, Hammer Film Productions has lain dormant, with fans having to rely on special late night showings at cinemas or the occasional reissue of one of the more popular classics from its prodigious 295-item back catalogue on DVD.

But now the brand that defined the great British film alongside Ealing comedies and James Bond is back in business and plans to make more movies to terrify a new generation of fans.

Responsible for the classic horror series of Dracula, Frankenstein and Quatermass, alongside such gems as Blood from the Mummy’s Tomb and the Sweet Scent of Death, the company will repackage some of these old favourites but also plans new productions, inspired by such modern horror movies as the just released 28 Weeks Later.

Link.

But I’m dismayed to see that the article left out the films I love Hammer for the most: The Vampire Lovers and Countess Dracula (pictured, which influenced Jess Franco and Jean Rollin), the awesome-cheesy lesbo-tastic girls’ school epic directed by Terence Fisher Brides of Dracula, Kiss of the Vampire, and Lust for a Vampire. Actually, all the Hammer vamp films from 1970-onward, especially with Ingrid Pitt, were boob-a-licious.