David just emailed me The Celebrity Breast Conspiracy over at (friends) 10 Zen Monkeys, where they try to convince us that there’s a real celebri-boob media conspiracy that makes a whole huge post about celebrity boobies somehow super-justified. Like we care about such petty legitimacy concerns at Fleshbot. Tinfoil bra, anyone?

“Public diplomacy” in Hollywood isn’t exactly an exercise in subtlety. But sometimes, publicists, studio executives, or whoever dreams up these boob-headed propaganda schemes, actually try to trick us by presenting “authentic” incidents of titillation. Which are totally not authentic.

In fact, call us paranoid, but we strongly believe there is a well-established, but never openly-acknowledged, plan among movie marketers and star handlers to manipulate the constituencies of female celebrities. Shocking? Yes.

However, here’s five tabloid examples that make the case.

1. Dead Man’s Chest?

Three franchises compete this weekend over the biggest box office in movie history. Pirates of the Caribbean 3 is the big contender, and suddenly its lead actress starts jabbering about… well, here’s the resulting headlines.

Keira Knightley Wants Bigger Breasts
Keira Knightley Wishes She Had Larger Chest Size
Knightley Not Happy With Her Breasts, Wants Them Bigger
Knightley: ‘I don’t have tits!’

Link.

I mean, at least show Keira Knightley like we do on the ‘bot…