In case you missed it today on Fleshbot, our feature Best of Sex Advice is back! It’s a nice sexual nonfiction variety show of sorts, and if you’re the kind of person who eats up those real-life (often bizarre, often informative) question-and-answer sex columns, you’ll love BoSA as much as I do. Perfect for reading with a cosmo, some cheesy snacks, and some cheesy friends to share with. Besides — “vaginal cannonballs.” Need I say more? Yay!

This has been long-awaited here in my world — my new blog, Techyum. It’s in be-yootiful beta, meaning that there are still a number of things that will get cleaned up visually, and it’ll likely soon have ads on it. It’s been a passionate dream of mine for a while; a place to blog about all the news, tech and shiny things I see in my daily (and nightly) blog-news surfing — things that don’t necessarily go on these pages. I spend so much time on the internets, and get tired of sending cool links to other people. So, here’s Techyum. I’ll be doing a video series with it as well, spoofing the retardo-CNN chicks-surfing-the-web segments — starting tomorrow or thursday. It’s for fun. Hope you like it, and I promise it won’t take me too far from the beloved, oft-contentious, naughty-as-a-schoolgirl shores of Tiny Nibbles.

A while back I wrote about crazy plot developments in the Sex.com saga, when the mis-appropriator of the URL’s lawyer was nearly murdered in Tijuana. Yeah, it’s like that. Well, it looks like Stephen Michael Cohen showed up for his court date, surprising at least a couple of people following this trainwreck (including me). According to the Businessweek article, however, the judge was utterly nonplussed.

Oh — and Cohen showed up looking like a bum and asked to have the millions in debt erased because he’s, like, poor and stuff. Read the deets in Sex.com hijacker pleads poverty.

This is not a dream.

Tonight, two hours ago. I’m driving home in a car. Market street, rain, desperate cutting cold outside, and traffic picks back up so I begin to roll forward. A slide sound, on my left side, like the sound of skateboards racing down a hill, and I see a flash of shiny and black, low to the ground next to me, that keeps sliding slower, slower, and stops. Maybe 15 feet ahead of me, and as the car bump-bumps over an object — I see it’s a motorcycle.

Have you ever hurt someone?

I’ve been in fistfights. Many. Once, I was with another female friend, back when I lived on the streets; bleach-blonde Sugar and I stuck together, protected each other, begged for food together. I was 15. Three girls, punk chicks from Chicago, decided they were going to beat us up. There were no words when it happened. Lisa, their ringleader, quickly and quietly punched Sugar in the face. Sugar hit back, and another girl cold-cocked Sugar from the side; it sounded like an exhale. Instantly auto-focused, I slammed this girl in the face with my fist, hard, and quickly turned to the third girl right as she punched me in the cheek, and I hit her back in the face fast, and grabbed her by the jacket, lifted her up over a railing. We were on a bridge. I wanted nothing more than to hurt her, I wanted nothing more at the moment than anything else up to that point. I felt sharp, like a thing that cuts. She looked down over her shoulder, then right into my eyes and said in a hysterical whisper, No. Please. I slowly slid her down, to the ground. The fight was over.

I’ve hurt hearts, too. But usually my own.

My living nightmare was the minute tonight I rolled over a bump in the road, realizing that it was the person who should have been on the motorcycle. The bike should have been upright, he should have been on it, and I should have seen it all happen. But I didn’t. His bike slipped silently on the Muni rails and went down like a whisper. The sliding motorcycle was louder than a man hitting the ground. My focus went from blurry to clear, to ultra clarity.

He was pinned to the ground by his backpack — under my front left tire. Listening carefully to Hacker Boy, who’d jumped from the car to help, I reversed slowly, freeing the rider. The smell was of gas, on pavement, in rain.

Have you ever run over a human being?

I never, ever want to. The rider got up and I worried he was in shock. Rudely, cars drove by us, honking as if we were just hanging out double parked, blocking traffic. I was shaking — the rider came over to me and reached in the car window, held my hand, and we looked at each other. He said, “We’re cool. I’m okay. It’s not your fault.” I told him, I ride too. This is my nightmare.

With the help of a (very rude) gay biker bystander, Hacker Boy and the rider got the bike off the road. In a twist of historical irony, Hacker Boy, who remained calm and sweet, is the survivor of one of the worst motorcycle accidents I’ve known — his femur is metal. (And yes, as a Crash/SRL fetishist, I find his extensive scars irresistible.) I hung out in traffic for a bit, and exchanged info with the rider, who joked, “Oh, and this is my business card… if you want to open an account at Wells Fargo…” and we laughed.

I’m going to give him a call in a little bit, and see how he’s doing.

I thought of the worst thing first. I don’t need to tell you what that was.

Update: Had a nice chat today with the rider, who is quite sore but had a pretty lucky fall. His knee is bruised, he has some road rash, and his thumb is swollen and won’t quite bend all the way but he tells me he doesn’t think it’s anything more than “a basketball sprain”. The bike is in the shop getting an estimate — it left a fat pool of oil on the road, sigh. I told him to call me if he needs anything, of course. He’s a sweetheart.

Geek Sugar has a pretty tame — though interesting — list of their top five sexy gadgets. I’ll admit the HTTP panties are pretty cute, even thought they’re not gadgets, duh. Anyone have suggestions for what’s missing from this list? Like The Toy, the iBuzz 2, or anything else?

Update: Reader D responds, “I mean honestly, getting off on your iPod is great. But how could they leave out the Trance Vibrator for the PS2 game Rez? Is there anything more wonderful than losing yourself an interactive acid trip of a video game? Yes. Getting you or your girlfriend off at the same time.”

Wow — I just found out I’m in the voting pool for Valleywag’s VLOG HOT: Glamazons Heat 1. I’m in a lineup of vlogger glamazons! Of course, I urge you to click over ASAP and vote with your conscience. This ain’t the Osc-tards; we’re real, live vlogger babes. I do regret that I’m in competition with both of my number-one femmebot vlog crushes — hotnesses Casey McKinnon and Gala Darling. OMG, will I even vote for myself? Seriously, it’s so flattering being nominated and in a lineup with these women, it makes me want to hide in a ditch. It’s surprisingly fitting considering that in the next two weeks I’ll be launching (and starring/co-starring in) not one but *three* new videoblogs.

Okay, now I have to clench fists, emit a high-pitched wail, and run in tight circles for at least five minutes straight. Then I’ll roll in a pile of assorted cables. w00t! I do wish they’d picked this more recent photo instead, tho… (Update afterthought — and just *pick* a better picture of Casey or Gala, wow.)

Update: Yay! They changed my photo to one taken this year! (The first one they picked was from Macworld 2006, w3rd.) Eeee! Also — thank you to everyone who’s voted for me!

Isn’t a sex toy for a change. It’s Google Reader. Fuck, it’s fun, and I just can’t put it down. Especially with the Google Trends integration. Oh, the geekery…

And speaking of the geekery, I’ve agreed to judge the Vloggies again this year! Whee!

Lovely site Rebound Designs — home of “hand-crafted bling” — has a line of handbag Book Bags re-purposed out of hardcover books, in attractive designs with lots of fun sex titles to choose among. Last saturday when gay-for-pay porn star Rod Barry was trying to grope me at the GayVN’s? I coulda smacked that bitch with a purse made from Sexual Behavior in the Human Male. Feeling properly naughty? How about Lady Chatterly’s Lover. Yes, they have Of Human Bondage — and for all the fetishists I *know* read this blog, I’ll direct you to the Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire purse. But for true perverts — the Holy Bible. Oh, spank me with All About Satellites and Space Ships, please! The handbags are just gorgeous, and they take special orders. (via Adorablog)

A reader writes, “Did you know that January 26 is Violet Day in the French Revolutionary Calendar? Octidi of the first decade of Ventose, the windy month. Or might well be. Napoleon banned the funky thing in 1803 or thereabouts, and it is hard to match up to gregorian time, but — Happy Violet Day.

According to the wikipedia ‘a quirk of the violet is its elusive scent, elusive because a major component is a ketone compound called ionone which temporarily desensitizes the nose and prevents any further scent from being detected and followed.’

Ha!

In any event, because I do enjoy reading your blog so much, I thought you should know. (and because I find that calendar fascinating. A different name for every day! Manure Day! Pruning knife Day! Billygoat Day!)”

…even if I did catch a cold in the rain. I’m in bed avec laptop right now sniffling and snuffling after some epic sleep marathons, realizing I haven’t posted my photos or video, remembering what a blast I had with Jonno, Mike and Jack covering the event. And “covering” the free, open bar in the upstairs VIP area. Kathy Griffin hosted the show and she was drop-dead hilarious — unlike other awards show hosts, she didn’t have to play it safe and boring, and cracked up the packed Castro Theatre with sore asshole jokes and much more. One could say she brought the house to its knees with her jokes. One *could* say that. Weird story of the night: I took a break halfway through to go hang out in the smoking area (it was the only place they let us outside, ah, fresh air!), and had to fend off the unwelcome, pushy advances of a gay-for-pay porn star. I actually asked the nearest gayboy (a cutie) to cockblock for me — which he did. It eventually worked, but the GfP star wanted to be sure I was going to the afterparty — I had a VIP pass, but didn’t. I really didn’t want to deal with that shit, know what I mean?

My photos are here; a short video of Griffin’s first minutes at the mic (after an intro by Chi Chi LaRue) is here. The first wrap-up post (with info about winners) is on Fleshbot here. Mike at GayPornBlog has a funny wrap here, with more info as well.

Pictured: me and my HOT date, Jonno, snoozing adorably together through the acceptance speech for best oral scene in the Castro’s balcony.

If you’re into this sort of thing, the fun ones are at edrants, Defamer and Newspeak — right now.

Fresh off the plane from LA, I got to get a private invitation to see the SF Armory friday night. The photo set is here (with descriptive narration), and I shot two videos: one in the auditorium, and another in the dark shooting range, under the building where Mission Creek runs through it.

Photo: me in the boiler room, by Jonno. (Yay! Jonno’s here!)

I try not to clog up my blog with overly much book promo (I figure people will poke around and find what interests them on their own), but I was just sent a link to the Bay Area Reporter’s new review of my book, Fetish Sex — and rarely am I as entertained by book reviews as I was by this one. I really think more book reviews should be spiced up with phrases like “the splendor of forniphilia” even if no one in the book under review is trying to have sex with, or as, a lamp. Snip:

“Back hair, blood, amputees, diving suits, spitting, diapers, balloons, mannequins, scars, bodybuilders, and pantyhose: what do they all have in common? They’re just a few of the sexually-charged driving forces behind fetishes, those deliciously scandalous quirks enjoyed on a regular basis by informed readers just like you, and scores of literary dorks just like me.” Link.

As an aside to the review, go have some fun at this hardcore forniphilia site. Then tell me if you ever see an office chair in the same way.

I’m sitting in the airport waiting for a delayed plane, and finally able to catch back up to the blog. I’ve been uploading Flickr pics like crazy, despite the glacial (and filtered) connection speed at the Roosevelt, where a friend managed to get me a decent room for cheap — even though it was a block away from the Oscar madness. What a weird, antiquated ritual. There were Hollywood zombies everywhere — most notable was the guy standing in the valet area of the hotel last night with a sign that read “Vincent Gallo“. Bet the brown Republi-bun loved that — ironically, who do I see scurrying around the pool as I’m checking out? Yup, Gallo. And hey — the “dropping his Brown Bunny off at the pool” joke has already been made, thanks. The good thing about the hotel was that when they fucked up my reservation — they put me in a new room, a poolside cabana that usually costs about four times what I paid. Kinda cool. Last night I got to see Xeni and the Monochom kids one last time (sniff), and I even got Sean Bonner to smile (though the vegan chocolate cake was on my side).

I had some fun posts go up on Fleshbot while I was in meetings yesterday. I love writing for Fleshbot — see how much fun I had in Punitive Shoes, Black Book Art, Meet Tara Emory and Digital Girly.

Image: “Borat” signature at NPR offices, where I got a tour yesterday.

So fitting since I’m sitting here waiting for an airport shuttle — my Dethroner: What’s In Your Overnight Bag interview is up! Flatteringly, Joel Johnson writes,

“What intro could contain Violet Blue? Author, blogger, podcaster, general fuckin’-shit-upper, Violet also happens to have a column at the San Francisco Chronicle called ‘Open Source Sex.’ You’d best read her blog alongside her column, though — Violet will often take her employer to task over what they won’t run, which is exactly what writers these days should be doing.

Hey, Violet: What’s in your overnight bag?” Link.

I’m off on a lightning-fast trip for a couple meetings in LA, then back home by tomorrow. Watch here and my Flickr for travel pics; if you get bored keep an eye out for the posts I wrote for Fleshbot today, appearing throughout the day. (Don’t miss my recent Penthouse Fleshbot exclusive post, either.)

“Removing the fig leaf: Barbican’s scholarly sex show, for over-18s only: Exhibition to chart 2,000 years of explicit depiction - from Pompeii to Warhol” Snip:

“A fresco from an ancient Roman brothel, showing couples voluptuously entwined. Aubrey Beardsley’s exquisitely detailed figures, complete with vast erect phalluses. The facial expressions of a man receiving a 35-minute blow job. These are among the sights that will greet visitors to the normally impeccably staid Barbican this autumn, as the London arts centre mounts an explicit exhibition devoted to the sexual act.

So sensitive is the material that only over-18s will be allowed in. ‘It’s not a show for someone to get their rocks off on, but a serious scholarly undertaking,’ said the Barbican’s head of galleries, Kate Bush.

The exhibition will chart more than 2,000 years of sex in art via 250 objects, from ancient Greek pottery to works by Jeff Koons of his porn star ex-wife, La Cicciolina.”

Hey, some of the filthiest, most arousing things I’ve ever seen are “scholarly”. And no, it’s not that Kate Bush. Jeff Koons image via. (thanks, Adam!)

Earlier today I posted Victoria Theatre’s Owner: Anti-Porn Hypocrite at Metblogs SF — and if you’re keeping up with the Kink.com Armory story, the comments on this post are getting very interesting, indeed.

All-American porny image via Brandon Herman (Flash site).

It’s really happening — I’ll be in Austin, Texas for this year’s SXSW conference, on not one but *two* panels spanning both the Interactive and Film portions of the con. Check out my south-by-southsexy bio! Rawr! It’s really looking like a huge gathering of the geeks, with more of my friends going along than I can stand — seriously, Rachel already has Austin-based cupcake plans for us. Cupcake terror alert!

On Sunday March 11 at 5pm, I’ll be on the Sex and Computational Technology Panel — I am most especially excited to meet Cory Silverberg in person; we’ve been email friends for many years now. On Tuesday March 13 at 10am, I’ll be on the panel Show Me The Money! Making Money From Independent Video Content? and let’s just say that looking at the lineup, that’ll be *interesting*. I guess I’m never chosen for these things because I hold back my opinions, know what I mean? I wonder if they could add Leo LaPorte to that panel at the last minute, then it would be perrrfect…

At last night’s Dorkbot SF #32, GETV interviewed three locals who found a few of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force “terrorist” devices (”Holy Blinky Devices of Terror!“), then later Eddie took over the Dorkbot stage and had the three explain their experiences finding and obtaining the devices. I shot this fun video from the front row; don’t miss the thorough wrap-up post with terrific photos on Laughing Squid (or this adorable photo of me and Monochrom’s Evelyn; today the Austrians have left my house, so sad). Video embed after the jump.

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It’s lame and *very* sex-negative and I have no idea what it really has to do with geeks, but this Wired piece about fetish cafes is still interesting — would have been even more interesting if the writer had expanded on the cafes, and left out the judgmental psychoanalysis. Love the hanging accusation that patrons are degrading women — boo on you, Wired. However, the cafes (linked via the article) actually look really cute and I’d love to visit one. Snip:

“Named after a manga comic book and a short-lived ’90s TV show about six Japanese “office ladies,” Shomuni features an all-you-can-eat, all-you-can-drink menu served by 15 costumed waitresses who start off dressed like receptionists and end up handcuffing patrons to their tables in sexy police uniforms.

Shomuni is the latest addition to a growing number of fetish restaurants sprouting up around Tokyo.

When maid cafes first started to appear in the back streets of Akihabara around 2000, geeks were finally able to live out their fantasies of being gawked at and served by pretty, submissive girls for a small fee.” Link.

rant:

Looks like porn industry magazine, mouthpiece and organizer of the porn awards show (you know, the people who tell the media that porn makes five gazillion dollars a year) AVN has a little problem with crediting information sources online — much like their mainstream media counterparts, hmmm. Hey — if MSM can selectively credit blog sources, so can porn’s version of MSM, right?

What I’m talking about is this recent AVN article on sex toys, phthlalates, and Adam and Eve’s recent decision to stop selling toys manufactured with the questionable chemicals. When the decision was official, Libby Lynn at A&E broke the news to me exclusively, even sending me a scan of the owner’s personal handwritten note about discontinuing the potentially unsafe sex toys — all of which I blogged, and was picked up by Cory Silverberg at About.com Sexuality; we blogged it on Fleshbot on the 1st; silicone toy maker Tantus’ Metis Black blogged it on the 2nd. One look at Black’s blog, and you can see the food chain of information and link passing leading to AVN’s article, all roads leading here — as if Black had broken the news, when in fact Black emailed me to say, uh, what’s up with this…

It’s ironic that AVN didn’t get a press release about this. Another classic example of how mainstream porn totally can’t grasp blogs, the web — and especially 2.0.

/rant

I’m absolutely delighted to point you toward the interview I just did with ThoughtFix’s UltraMobileGeek blog! w00t! Here’s a snip:

“TF: As a blogger, podcaster, author, and person on-the-go, how has mobile technology changed your life?

VB: I think like many people, it has simultaneously empowered and emboldened me to do some pretty exciting things, while becoming a brand new source of frustration. the more I’ve used mobile tech, the more I want to push it to do more, and increasingly find myself at points where I’m just sitting here waiting for the hardware to catch up with me. things like podcasting, blogging and vlogging — which I do all the time and in some cases have been at the forefront of — make me want to push devices beyond what they were made for. I feel driven to be able to do these things anywhere, anytime — and publish immediately — and so I do just that (like blogging from my Blackberry). it’s changed my life to the point that a mobile tech gadget is in my life every minute (even in bed), and yes, dating someone who is offended by these notions is indeed a ‘dealbreaker.’” Link.

Just spotted over at Shouting to Hear the Echoes: a wonderfully put together poll where we can vote for which gynoid we think is sexiest — meaning, of all the new humanoid robots gracing events like Wired’s NextFest, which one would you most like to spend a wild weekend with? Which one should stay home in the Unsexy Valley? I especially love all the photos, I’ve never considered them all side-by-side like that. Seems fitting to post this after the previous doll post about Kink’s new proto-gynoid. And for those of you who asked, Kink is going to do all kinds of film and photo scenarios with the doll as far as I know, so she’ll be a lot more than humorous window dressing in the “jail set”, I’m sure.

Last night I had a beer at Kink with Jonathan Moore and Eve Batey, and we got to see the newest hire at Kink — a silicone sex doll (not a RealDoll, a competitor). Here’s last night’s gallery. I got to shoot some photos of her in the “jail set”. Yes, many cylon jokes were made. What’s interesting was talking with one of the employees about reactions between men and women working there: despite someone’s comment of “men will stick their dicks in anything”, in my friend’s estimation, it seemed like the doll garnered more aggressive sexual attention from women than men — women were more prone to slap the tits, get turned on by the doll, and want to fuck it. I felt the same way — when the comment about guys fucking anything was made, I immediately realized that if it were a male doll, I’d be fighting powerful urges not to violate is six ways until sunday if I had the chance. I got to also hear a few stories about how once they got the doll in clothes, they kept walking back into the room where it was and getting startled, one guy even dropped what he was carrying because he’d forgotten the doll was in the room… These things are so creepily humanoid out of the corner of the eye…

Can I just tell you, that after spending time last night knocking a few back with the human employees on staff there, that Kink has got to be the home of the happiest employees on Earth? What a fun, laid-back group of people. My face still hurts from laughing… Especially check out the newest additions to their press page, where you can watch video of employees responding to protesters’ criticism specifically re: signs and article quotes that claiming Kink.com offers “dead-end” jobs that “no decent person would want.” (Here’s an mp4). They also have a video about their plans to light and landscape the Armory (same page, mp4). So awesome.

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From a friend: Pepperface is an ultra-high-end online store where you can buy sexy, Swarovski-encrusted pepper spray devices. They’re the ultimate in plain-sight bling weaponry: they’re made to tuck into a platform boot, on your keys, to be worn around the neck or wrist or dangle from a purse strap. They have a really cute animated movie, they give contributions to the National Center on Domestic & Sexual Violence, their links page is a sweet, easy to use directory for sexual violence helplines and resources, and even sell cheap test cartridges for practice.

What’s great is that I’ve always worried about fumbling around in the bottom of my purse to find sprays — but if it’s dangling from my purse strap, whoever threatens me is sure to be very, very sorry they ever fucked with this cupcake. They’re expensive, but you can get them in a $40 sexy flat “bad-ass black” all the way to $300 custom Swarovski designs, and beyond. What a great idea! Should go nicely with a girl’s rhinestone brass knuckles. Now, do they have them in cupcake pink…. :)

My London pals Adam and The Girl send me Four-legged duckling shocks owner. Look at all those adorable feet! Mwah!

These are company-sent toys I got in the mail this week! w00t! Companies often send me toys, books and videos in hopes that I’ll blog them — I only do if I like the products so it’s a gamble for whoever sends me schwag. These products look fun, though I haven’t tried the gadgets yet.

Pictured: Realistic hygienic dildos from Tantus (two are vibrating, with a strong buzz that will do well in a harness I think), The Toy (bluetooth SMS text-based vibrator), the iBuzz Two (I’m very eager to try the vibrating cockring accessory). However, it sucks that my iPod just died :/

This is such an awesome surprise, it gets its own post — click Wet Spots: Fucking With The Wrong Cupcake!!!! Eeee! w00t!

Update: These links to Kink.com and Porn Hysteria: The Lie of Unbiased Reporting gave me chills — good ones, not like the chilly wishes in my inbox this morning sent from angry christians. Check: Romemesko (!!!), Chronicling a kerfuffle (CineKink), and the *amazing* Happy Anti-Porn Hysteria Month!.

Found on Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World, made by veganyumyum (thank you, Stephanie!).

Or really, sexual privacy. The world has indeed gone insane. Snip from the Xbiz article:

“In a unanimous opinion, a three-judge panel for the 11th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals upheld an Alabama statute banning the commercial distribution of sex toys, saying that there is no fundamental right to privacy raised by the plaintiff’s case against the law.

According to the statute, it is ‘unlawful for any person to knowingly distribute any obscene material or any device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs.’” Link.

Update: I slept in this morning — Xeni’s got essential updates a-plenty in Sex toy ban upheld in AL, adult gizmos = illegal devices.