Last night I got a sweet email from a reader who found me through my Chron column and wanted to know about sex and disability resources here in the SF Bay Area. When I worked at Good Vibes, I put together a number of shopping guides for different communities I felt were sexually underserved — the first one was a female-to-male trans shopping guide called “Gentlemen, Start Your Engines!” It almost got me fired because I did this without asking, on company time, with company resources. My bad. It wasn’t the first time someone there tried to fire me (I quit 7 years later), but there were lots of very happy FTM’s and their lovers who told me they got their gear using my guide, and *got it on*.
At the time I put together the sex and disability sex toy guide, there were few resources that didn’t lump sex with love/relationships — minimal resources just for sexual pleasure, only for “couples”. Plus, you really have to be careful to weed through the sex-negative (read: judgemental) attitudes about sex and disability, as it’s all too easy to find sex + disability resources that are hetero-normative, or even hostile toward kinky interests. Now there are a lot more, yay! And if someone with no sensation below the waist *deserves* a sexy spanking, I’ll most certainly tell you where to get a good deal on a paddle. So hey — mobility isn’t forever, and having a good wank is frustrating when you’re on meds or losing sensation, can’t reach or everything just won’t comply with your wishes. Also, getting off isn’t just about pussy and cock. Most of all, I truly believe we’re all temporarily able. So dig the seriously fucking awesome resources for disability and fucking:
* One of my favorite sex toy stores Come As You Are has an *outstanding* resource page — and it’s no surprise as my pal Cory Silverberg works there.
* I love Cory Siverberg and Fran Odette’s book, Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability.
* Nerve’s Sex and Disability issue was quite good; erotic entertainment at the very least.
* Susan’s Sex Support comes off (to me) initially as ‘too safe’ feeling in language and site design, but delivers the goods in her “links related to” sections. Check out the sex and disability forums, and this great LGBT resource page.
* Bent — The Gay Crip Magazine is very fun.
* Disability Now’s article archive are worth a browse, though offer little by way of practical sex information.
* Sexual surrogacy is controversial. Sex surrogates have sex with clients as part of therapy, negative comparisons are made to sex work, yet because of the nature of surrogacy, a surrogate is less judgemental toward disabled clients than sex workers. People with disabilities do not “need” surrogacy and it’s not an “answer”; it’s just another option on anyone’s menu. Similarly, surrogates do not exclusively serve disabled clientele. The International Professional Surrogates Association will refer you to a surrogate and offer other resources, such as how to train to become a sexual surrogate.
* When I founded the Good Vibrations Magazine I made sure there was a sex and disability section: looks like they’ve let it lapse, but the archives are full of great articles, like this one I assigned Thomas Roche on Sex and Depression.
* GimpGirl is a hawt sex-positive she-geek heroine; if you’re on LiveJournal, join the GimpGirl community.
Photos: ultrahot double-amputee Aimee Mullins.
Update: a reader writes me, “I just wanted to let you know that the photo of Aimee Mullins at the top of your post was taken by photographer, writer, rocker and all around great gal Ali Smith.”