…was fucking amazing. I haven’t been too stoked on the SF International Film Fest so far, but this powerful documentary made it all worth it. Read my review at SF Metblogs (with pictures of protesters), and hopefully soon I’ll have the video uploaded of the q and a with director Eric Steel; if anyone knows how to extract audio from a .mov file, let me know…

Pre-bedtime update: oh yeah, I guess there was a big party tonight for the SFIFF bloggers or something. I didn’t rsvp in time, so I stayed home alone blogging about the best film in the fest… oh thankless, no-free-drink irony. That’s okay; my bonus is that I ran into Stephen Elliott in the Kabuki press area this afternoon before I saw the film, where he told me he just got back from being the ‘evil liberal media’ on the campaign trail with Katherine Harris. I’ll get all the scary details tomorrow when we get a drink :)

Update: It has been brought to my attention that my post at Metblogs is being read by Danish suicide researchers, so I uploaded audio from the first ten minutes of questions in the Q & A with director Eric Steel, directly after the film screened in San Francisco for the first time. He answers some *very* difficult questions, and I cut it off when someone asks a technical question about the cameras. I never got the .MOV to convert to MP3 because the file was “muxed”; I had to jack it the old-fashioned way, if you will: I opened Audio Hijack, hit ‘play’ on the video, and hit ‘record’ in Hijack. It was a last resort, and it worked. Thanks and a squeeze to Tim for the suggestion!

Listen: Q & A with director Eric Steel (MP3)

I just asked my downstairs neighbor if he knew what happened to my bike; he’s the only one with garage access besides the landlord and rents the garage (I have it on my lease to store my bike there). He gave me a really weird story about how once my bike smelled like gas so he opened a door to air it out. He looked really on the spot. So I asked him again if he knew what could have happened to it and he said he didn’t know. Hm.

Now I’m going to get out of the house and go try and use my SFIFF press pass to watch The Bridge, the film by Eric Steel about Golden Gate Bridge suicides. Did you know we have jumpers on an average of every two weeks? People kill themselves in style here. You never hear about it in the press; I’m hoping to learn more at the movie. I’m also hoping to finally see a good film at the ‘fest; so far they’ve all been awful crap.

You really have to see the video of Stephen Colbert’s address to the White House Press Corps at their annual dinner to believe that it really happened. At the same table as GW Bush and Laura, in front of WH staff, Supreme Court justices and all the WH press bigwigs — Colbert officially smartly ripped everyone a brand-new fecal exit hole. Posing as his own self-made pro-Bush pundit character, he expounded on points like the administration’s course being not like the Titanic, but soaring “like the Hindenburg” and encouraged the WH press corps to take some time to, “Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know, fiction.”

Unfuckingbelievable; this is one of the bravest, smartest things I’ve ever seen. Would Jon Stewart have seen an opportunity like this and gone all the way? I’m not sure. What’s brilliant about Colbert’s character is that he takes the conservative press logic as far as it will go — he follows it through and shows us all where it goes, based on the points and perspectives of the administration and pundits that back them up. This was possibly the furthest he could take it conceptually, and it’s truly incredible. And yes — I caught the Harvey Birdman reference, and it was addressed to GW himself. (Though you’d have to have seen the episode “Yabba Dabba Don”, the Sopranos spoof, to get it. Follow this logic and Bush becomes Fred Flinstone as Tony Soprano…). It seems that from the icy acknowledgement to Colbert afterward, the Prez was not pleased. Colbert is *so* on a list now, if he wasn’t before.

Link to the videos at Crooks and Liars; also at Boing Boing with torrent, text and transcript links.

Update: video is intermittent, but check the Boing Boing post for video mirros and updates, yay!

I spent part of my day dealing with the fact that either my landlord or my downstairs neighbor knocked over my motorcycle so hard that they bent the clutch handle underneath the handlebar, snapped the clutch cable, cracked my front turn signal, snapped off my rear turn signal and scratched my gas tank. No one fucking told me. I just found it upright, with the broken parts dangling. And here I pay to keep it garaged to protect it. I am very, very angry — that calm anger, you know? My bike is part of me; a vintage beauty.

When I fix it I’ll post pictures so you can see what I mean. In the meantime I’m not sure what to do. Except calm down.

I’m imagining that the light from my office is casting dramatic shadows down the hall. It probably is, but I just noticed that it got dark out while I was in here, toiling away over my excel spreadsheet for Best Women’s Erotica 2007. I’ve winnowed the almost 300 submissions down to 27 contenders; I still need to get it down to about 21 stories, which isn’t going to be easy. As I sit here alone, I can hear the wind blowing all the neighbors’ windchimes as I read and re-read these lush, gorgeous, shocking, heady and beautiful final selections. They make me think that someday soon, I need to touch someone’s skin again. It’s been a while.

Of course, because I have a folder with 27 amazing erotic, unpublished, written just for my book stories doesn’t mean that it’s all been a box of lube and flowers. It hasn’t been easy; I’d say that another 30 stories were hard to cull, because I really got so many truly great stories this year. There are so many great writers in the world. Women who write erotica, specifically — I can’t imagine the hardship I’d have trying to cull selections from an all-gender open call for erotica; likely twice as many if not more, to make my job even harder. Or just wetter and harder; I’m not afraid to admit that I’ve had to take numerous “editorial” breaks reading these stories. They’ve really turned me on. And they’ve made me long for things I don’t have.

Of course, I’ve also had to toil though some really bad erotica. Writers, please: bad erotica hurts everyone. I wish it actually physically hurt to write it, because at least then there would be less of it. And spell check; there is no excuse for not using it.

What’s interesting to me are the overall themes, even if I don’t end up using the stories — and I consider something a theme when I receive more than two stories with the same central thread or subject. Last year I saw a lot of stories with priests in them, which was a total head-scratcher. Lots of army/military stories too, though that’s less confusing. Don’t we all know someone in Iraq, or someone who’s related to someone who’s been through there? I do, but I didn’t include any priest or military stories; the book went in a different direction. But the themes this year have been very curious, indeed. Several office sex stories; not shocking as this has got to be *so* firmly implanted in our culture now as a sexual fantasy. A lot, a lot, a lot of female dominance — even two stories of women pretty much raping men, ulp! Plenty of forced cunnilingus; so many stories of women making guys go down on them it’s almost humorous — in a sexy way, though. Also, I got so many stories of sex outside sexual orientation lines, I’m kind of stunned; several stories of women getting with gay men, dykes getting with straight men, gay guys tag teaming a girl… Very hot stuff, really. More male anal penetration stories than I’ve ever seen in one place (yay!), and too many masturbation stories for me to include (which is odd because last year there were hardly any).

But I know I need to take a break, because my spreadsheet notes are literally reading “she gets hella laid” and “power tools: yes!”. It’s cold and windy and foggy outside; a perfect SF night. I’ll listen to the wind chimes, and read some more erotica. And I’ll try to stop blogging for a minute; I’ve turned into a post pig over at SF Metblogs. (I did, however, get a very complimentary email from a seriously famous local media magnate about my work there. Made my day.) Problem is, fewer things are more satisfying to me than writing. That’s how I end up at home on a friday night, with you as my date.

Image: by Jake, from last sunday’s Maker Faire 2006.

My friends over at YesButNoButYes are back at it again — phew! — with another naughty grindhouse trailer to get us all in the right mood for the weekend; a little cheese, a lot of sleaze. This time it’s the trailer for famous 3D John Homes porn film, The Lollipop Girls in Hard Candy in 3D (read the text, it’s funny). If you’re local you might recognize it at the film they show at the Red Vic sometimes in all its 3D glory, and yes the film (not the trailer) includes scenes of the uber-dick pointed right at the audience, fully-loaded and firing…

Enough of my hangover silliness: watch the trailer embedded after the jump (and let’s hope the kids at YouTube are too busy rifling through their stock portfolios to impose their uneven censorship practices).

(more…)

And I happened to be there with my camera, and liveblogged it twice in Castro on fire and Castro accident in pictures.

My big interview with The English Tart just went up on Fleshbot — she’s going to be naughty nursing at Shibaricon 2006, so I *had* to find out more! Check it out, she’s adorable.

Also — keep your fingers crossed (and any/all other relevant parts) — the Independent Publisher Book Awards have selected not one but *two* of my books as semifinalists for the 2006 awards! In their 2006 Sexuality/Relationships semifinals they listed Best Sex Writing 2005, and in their 2006 Erotica semifinals, they selected Best Women’s Erotica 2006. I’ve long had a stickie on my OSX dashboard with a single quote on it, “Awards are like hemorrhoids, eventually every asshole gets one.” I might just be an asshole, yet. The bummer, of course, is competing with friends — notably, Scott McMorrow in the Erotica category for his beautiful explicit poetry collection Velvet Heat; and in the Sexuality/Relationships category, my dear friend Timothy Archibald for Sex Machines: Photographs and Interviews. Well, Timothy can’t be too piqued; his essay “Sex Machines” is in Best Sex Writing 2005… !

Image of The English Tart by Tyher.

…my boobies have a full life of their own, with ups and downs and (as it turns out) a glamorous international modeling career, as seen on the front page of Fleshbot right now! (Permalink) Sort of like William Shatner’s toupee on that episode of Robot Chicken, where while he sleeps it crawls off his head, travels to France, crashes an international espionage ring, kills some people, gets a medal, then returns back to Shatner’s head before he wakes up. Sort of.

Plus, I really love our new look, a lot.

While I’m buried under final edits on this book, first round of edits and little rewrites on this book and culling selections for Best Women’s Erotica ‘07 (all on deadline, argh) listen to the really fun interview I did with Michael Soldier weekend before last. Enjoy! I sure did. Text:

Michael Soldier — one year later! The first interview I did with Michael a year ago (almost to the day) was really popular, so I thought it would be fun to bring him back. Hilarious, crazy stories from our favorite erotic masseuse and gay porn star, including on-set fluffing tidbits, why a local SF Supervisor called Michael a nasty word in front of a huge crowd and John Waters (hint: it has to do with naked jumprope and a Santa hat), and more. This is in the NPR interview series I’m doing for the next few weeks, so the format sounds different than my usual podcast, which is a nice change.

Link to post; Link to MP3.

I took a day off from the computer to see friends at the incredible Maker Faire yesterday, and I got to meet lots of cool people — and make a donation to the EFF for a chance to dunk my friend Jake! I had a shopping accident in the craft tents, where I spent a lot of money at Last of A Dying Breed (Gun Hoops, Silver Knuckle Necklace, Mini Cuff Anklet; Chriso bought me the Naughty Nurse clips + ring). I spent some cash, but I’d rather give my money to the Bazaar Bizarre than the mall. There were lots of cool things I didn’t buy, either because they were out of my price range or above my craft tolerance threshold — but if I were the type of girl to go for cross-stitching or latch-hook rugging, I’d definitely blow my savings on the stuff from Anezka Handmade, like the Topless Dayna latchook kit or the “go fuck yourself - hearts” cross-stitch kit. Awww!

Quick update: More really filthy pornographic latchook rug creations are at Made With Sweet Love. Don’t miss this soft porn vacuum scene.

The first of many interviews I’ve been doing at NPR, text:

A compelling interview with Adam Zimbardo, MFT, a 16-year veteran from San Francisco Sex Information and the front lines of nationwide anonymous sex advice; a sobering state of the nation address on sex ed in America. Do you have safe sex? No one is — so now what do we do? Listen to our interview, which manages to be funny and intense at the same time. This is on NPR, so the format sounds different than my usual podcast, which isn’t such a bad thing…

Link to post, link to MP3.

Best question from the SFSI trainees:

Student: What happens when you swallow a pubic hair?
Me: It grows inside you for seven years.

So awesome — see them all on April Winchell’s blog. Thanks, Chriso!

Image: me with Michael Soldier on NPR last week in the window at ATA.

Today, I’m off to give an oral sex lecture with Thomas Roche for SFSI students — or as someone put it, I’ll be “discussing deep-throating in front of 35 puppy-dog-eyed newly-minted superfreaks.”

After that I’m off to do the radio show: this week I’m interviewing Tristan Taormino about her new book, new movie and anal orgasms. No, she won’t be here in SF, she’ll be on the phone, but anyone happening by will be able to listen in on our discussion. When I get the audio file after, I’ll start post-production on a video version and an audio version for podcasting. Read more about today’s NPR schedule at SFMetblogs. Also laugh at the hilarious comments in this post where I’m accused of “dumbing-down” [SFMetblogs with] “cheap t&a” photos. (Those words are from the email she sent my editor, ha.) Personal attacks are funny, especially when they’re from prudes. As Mark always tells me when I tell him stories at our machine shop about making people mad at me, “If you’re pissing someone like that off, you’re doing the right thing.”

* Over at the Gate, Mark Morford has an excellent article (with lots o links) about high-end vibrators, including the 24k gold one Kate Moss just bought. It is my responsibility to note that I have a huge chapter on high-end sex toys (+ reviews, and not just vibrators but ebony butt plugs and all) in my upcoming book, The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toys. But, oh yeah, baby — Mark puts his trademark sexy run-on sentences all over those vibes in a way that makes you wanna bust out the credit card…

* My Fleshbot snuggle-bunny Jonno has been on all the right meds this week — or as he put it, “it doesn’t rain fun sex links, it pours!” (He also wrote, “OMG NOT SPIDEY!!!”) Die laughing when you click Her Cruel Feet, check out the STD warning coasters in this Wet Spots, and shoot coffee out your nose with Let’s Sexy English! (Decoded slightly on Boing Boing in a billion reader comments; worth clicking both links if you love the Engrish.)

* And no, please make it stop: Bush administration wants mandatory website labeling. This is for real, and very serious. Are we in China yet?

* On that same note, Viviane blogs Cory Silverberg’s *superb* article, What’s Wrong With Reporting On Sex? and this is another case where the comments are as powerful and valuable as the piece. For instance, pair the above link to the Bush web labeling with the following comment from A New York John: “I ran through google the other day the key words “banning contraception” and was floored by the number of sites promoting this idea. The puritans are also on the net, doing what they can to bring society further in thier direction. But so long as we keep the First Amendment, they will not stop the spreading of idea. (Of course, they would argue that our discussions about sexual freedom equate to topics not protected by the First Amendment).”

All the filters are off in the post I just put up about being a “citizen media” blogger over at SF Metblogs. Teaser photo:

What I wouldn’t give to see this auction (and lemme tell ya how weird it is to write *those* words). Apparently a huge collection of erotic art is going under the hammer at Christie’s in Paris next week, including an original manuscript of Story of O, over 100 autographed notes from the Marquis de Sade in his revisions of Justine, an edition of Fanny Hill once owned by Graham Greene, surrealist art and much more. It’s interesting to note the writer’s demonstrations of distaste in this article about the sale and collection, even going so far as to present it as “wife says it’s got to go!” while later in the article reveals that the family is actually keeping certain gems for themselves, such as an original manuscript of de Sade’s 120 Days of Sodom. Methinks the lady doth protest too much… In fact, the article goes on to say about the original collector, “On first meeting with Monique, the woman who became his wife, he gave her a copy of A History of 18th-Century Courtesans.” But than again, this is written by a Brit who in his own words sees the British representation of erotica (as seen in the collection) as “six of the best, all slap and no tickle”. Hmm, that actually sounds fun… Regardless, Erotic sale of the century (wife says it’s got to go) is a fasinating read, with a fun ending.

Let’s just hope that whoever buys this collection doesn’t lock it away in a private case somewhere. That would be the arts and culture equivalent of all slap and no tickle.

I just took a short trip to the Castro and saw two very cool things I didn’t buy but might go back for; one was the IOU Sex check set from Chronicle Books, which is the best treatment of erotic coupons I’ve ever seen. (They look ugly on Amazon’s bad scan, but great in person.) Tear one out and give it to a lover — no gender is assumed so anyone can use them — and the wickedness ranges from makeout sessions to spankings, role-play, sex in public and even sex toys! Nice.

The other cool thing I didn’t buy is Use This Book, a spiral-bound reference book full of really useful, odd things like dance steps, instructions for building a sundial, tear-out tags and signs like “do not disturb”, a poisonous plant guide, Scrabble words list, common ailments and their remedies, cool muscular/skeleton charts, a fast food nutrition guide (!) and more. Someone needs to do a sex version of this… vibrator repair, lube ingredients lists, porn search tips, erogenous zone map, etc…

Things sure are different (at the Academy Christian Church) in Colorado Springs. She’s the church whipper (also more here). Don’t forget the Burka Shirker, which is somehow even more blasphemous. Thank you, Noel. We miss you in SF.

I’m crazed with the Best Women’s Erotica 2007 anthology submissions right now; I took a break for lunch yesterday with my friend Kathryn and she asked me, “don’t you get tired of the sex writing?” I do; that’s why I’ve been blowing off steam at Metroblogging SF. Highlights include my friend (and MT goddess) Kathryn’s bloggy/soggy venture into training for SF AIDS Lifecycle ride season, gossip from an SRL pal about Quentin Tarantino hanging out at local bar Zeitgeist, rent-a-cops learning how to count (with a nice follow-up prank), the San Francisco Film Fests’s SF360 one city, one film event and more. I’ve also been switching gears chatting, advising and ranting on the Stockroom Forums. Secret: if you have a sex question for me, it’s the quickest way to get an answer…

…because my hands are in my inbox. Sound dirty?

From Tiny Nibbles reader Chaz:

“I’ll get right down to it. This morning just before I woke up I had what is most likely one of the weirdest dreams I’ve ever had in my life. (…) My fiance and I were at a club in NYC. We live in a small city in Canada and neither of us have ever been to NYC, but for some reason in the dream she was a NYC expert. (…) As we are leaving the club, you and Mary Carey enter the club together. I recognize you both, even though my familiarity with you and your site is mostly limited to what I’ve read on BoingBoing, and mention how much I love your site, I really do think your site is great from what I’ve seen, and I tell Mary that I think it took balls to run for Governor of California and I respected her for it. You both thanked me, and my fiance and I left as the two of you entered the club.

The dream skipped dinner, and ended up in our hotel room. We were laying in bed watching a movie, not porn, and there was a knock at the door. Seems both you and Mary were staying at the same hotel and saw us enter after our dinner. You recognized us, got curious, followed us to our room, and later decided to come back to see us. We all end up sitting/laying on the hotel bed chatting and carrying on like old friends. You and Mary both say you were so happy to be recognized by someone and not have them act like an idiot. We talked about whatever, you gave me a foot massage, and Mary and my fiance just sat there enjoying the conversation and company that all of us had.”

From anonymous, a Tiny Nibbles reader, who enjoyed my foot fetish gallery and wondered if I could put my feet in my mouth, then told me:

“If I were President, all women limber enough to lick and/
> or suck their own toes would be given substantial government grants,
> or at the very least, a %50 discount on any shoe purchase
> (Birkenstocks excluded, naturally.) I’m not really sure which party
> would allow me to run on such a platform; the rest of my campaign
> needs work, frankly.”

Beloved friend and hugely respected colleague Patrick Califia has had a heart attack. This being America, he doesn’t have health insurance. If you liked Macho Sluts, Doing it for Daddy, Sensuous Magic, Best Sex Writing 2005 or any number of things he’s written, please visit his LJ page (being updated by a friend) and make a donation or send a card.

I’m excited to say that after a weekend of negotiation, Tiny Nibbles is being sponsored for the next two weeks by the event Shibaricon 2006! From the same pervy and sweet people who brought us the bondage rope dyed in my namesake (no link because it sold out in five days), Shibaircon is an open-to-the-public conference of rope bondage aficionados and sexy bondage models, all in an atmosphere of learning, demonstrations, cool stuff to buy and try at home, warm welcoming and of course, playing.

Why I’m really happy they asked me:

* They have great ethics and are proudly pansexual (all genders and orientations are welcome).
* Unlike many other leather and BDSM conventions they are great for newcomers or people who don’t know their hanky codes from their emoticons. You can go and just look around.
* They’re serious but they remember that bondage and S/M is fun, sometimes funny and ultimately really hot. So many BDSM people forget that it’s sexy and that if it’s done right it makes you want to have sex.
* It’s in Chicago, which currently needs to be known for more than Menopause the Musical.
* Really cool people I admire very much will be there, like Monk, Sir C, Graydancer (and yummy podcastress Minx?) and The English Tart.
* Kinky people in the Midwest need a shout out!

Image by photographer James Mogul.

This is extremely exciting — I’m in the San Francisco Bay Times, featured in Felice Newman’s latest column under the title, Dirty, Dirty Podcasts for Lesbians! If you’re not familiar with Newman, she is the esteemed author of The Whole Lesbian Sex Book (2nd edition), is a professional sex educator and Somatic coach and well-respected columnist on all things sex within the lesbian community — worldwide. On a personal note, this means that lesbians in South Africa will read this column about lesbian-specific porn podcasting, yay! But it also means that while I have your attention, you should check out some of her other great writings found on her site, including Spray It Out: Female Ejaculation (this article which should be considered one of the most accurate sources of this information on the web, ahem) and How to Be A Great Lover (an excellent explanation about touching and remaining present during sex, almost form a bodyworker’s perspective).

Wow — I flipped when I saw the Varla: Tura Satana (Faster Pussycat, Kill! Kill!) rubber dishwashing gloves at sexblo.gs, but now I’m ready to chain myself to the kitchen sink after seeing the whole line of Dirty Dishes gloves, including The Cramps — Poison Ivy: Smell of Female gloves (at right). Also from Faster Pussycat — Billie and Rosie (oh Haji, how I loved you).

With another HOT present for me: a hand-picked playlist, with CD cover on the right. Hubba hubba! Thank you, Coop! I tried to make an iTunes playlist but they only had a little over half the songs — regardless, here’s a partial playlist for this on iTunes (link opens iTunes).

Wrenched my back this morning rushing my kitty to the pet hospital (he weighs 14lbs). Ow, ow, ow. He’s sleeping now and on watch; the skin had been scraped off the front of his nose in a big patch and it was messy, bloody and alarming. He was really cool at the vet’s, totally knew what was going on. While waiting for the doc to come back in the room kitty sat next to me on a bench (out of his carrier) and we read People together, and I pointed out to him the airbrushing techniques on a photo of Joan Collins and Linda Evans (combined age: 162). While the vet and I discussed his treatment, kitty jumped into his carrier and barked at us whenever our conversation paused. The vet and I couldn’t figure out what happened, but he’s on antibiotics now. Poor sweetie.

I’m on Rachel Kramer Bussel’s hit list of preliminary BEA autographing picks! And she loves my sig file. But it’s true; I’m being flown out to Washington DC at the end of May to be a celeb book signer at BEA for my book, Fetish Sex. It’s something I’ve never done before, I mean I’ve had low-key book parties and signed stuff, but never in such a lineup and treated in such grand fashion. I already feel like the nerd girl who made the cheerleading squad, like they’re gonna find out I don’t know a single Kelly Clarkson song any second and take away my poms. But that’s cool; I’ll try to liveblog the whole thing and see what happens. Rachel has already threatened to abscond with me to free parties with her pal Jessica and a whole posse of femmebot hellraisers. Seriously, I’m going to set up a phonecam blogfeed for this one…

And the episode of Open Source Sex #34, “Richard’s Secret”. Text:

One long story — a quickie, with benefits! Saskia Walker graciously permitted me to read her hot story, “Richard’s Secret” from Taboo: Forbidden Fantasies for Couples. In it, a couple share a very kinky sex slave for a night (with a twist), including explicit bisexuality, cunnilingus, bondage, male submission and much more.

Link to post Open Source Sex 34; Link to MP3.

Wow, I also just noticed a huge new upgrade to the Libsyn podcast upload interface — it’s even more user-friendly now than all the versions of Movable Type I use at a variety of different “big name” sites. Neato! I love Libsyn.