Last week I was on the RU Sirius podcast show, and it was the most fun I’ve had doing audio in a long time! It’s a hell of a funny and fun show, and I’d be on again in a red hot second — especially because it’s like hanging out and drinking with like five of your smartest (and cute) friends.

Link to post with MP3: RU Sirius Show #38: Open Source Sex with Violet Blue

In it, I talk about female ejaculation, teledildonics, programming artificial intelligence to be sex-positive, and the sad, sad state of patent and trademark trolls in the world of sex and technology (and how patent trolls are strangling development of new sex technology).

Image: random hotness from this week’s free gallery @ Hegre Archives.

I’m about to have a conversation with someone at YouTube about the censored video and their policies. But in the meantime, it seems that Chevy is hosting an online contest where participants make commercials for their SUVs. Evidently they haven’t started screening the entries yet.

Check ‘em out — and if you make a good one, send it in and I’ll post. These links will expire; enjoy now!

One.* Two. * Three. (Thanks, Jason!)

Update: Here’s mine! It’s all text from the subject lines of email in my spam folder — and it works!

Update: more videos!

* Video from M, a bondage model and pal — text by Missy Elliott
* Video from Jim, a Tiny Nibbles reader
* Video from L, an SRL grrrrl

Update — you know you want it — Chevy Tahoe video from COOP!

Update: A really funny one from Tiny Nibbles reader Mark!

But wait, another update! This one’s from Sean Bonner (and I think it’s my favorite); this one is where Chevy goes goatse. Chevy must think that their viral campaign is tremendously successful, not realizing that we’re kind of putting the fetid infectiousness back into the definition of “viral”. With no intention of promoting, or buying, their product. Heh.

Remember a while back I went to an underground amateur male, alt-boy strip show in an Oakland warehouse, called For The Ladies? Well… I was cruising around Flickr and found their For The Ladies Flickr Pool, and thought it would be a good idea to upload the video I took at the show to YouTube. After being up for a few hours, it got a lot of views and collected a few fans — then, wonderfully, it got blogged by DudeTube!

I’m working on planning one of these for San Francisco: the guys are all amateur straight boys with no homophobia, and it’s all just a hugely wonderful turn on for the rowdy crowd of grrrls (like me), and a great time. I think there’s even another one this weekend. After the jump, check out Mateo taking it off and just generally looking hella hot.

Update: After 3794 views of the video, I got this email from YouTube:

“Your video Mateo grinds it at For The Ladies has been rejected due to its inappropriate nature. Please refer to our terms and conditions for more information on what video material is not permitted on YouTube.”

** It was only a naked man dancing. There was no erection, no close-ups, no genital touching. It was more like performance art. That’s some pretty heavy-handed and QUITE uneven censorship going on at YouTube.

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I almost didn’t make it past the top photo with all the candles and the photo of Brad Pitt for inspiration, but I have to admit that this DIY PC casemod, where a vibrator is mounted on a B*rbie PC, is pretty damn cool. Granted, if it were my mods, I’d swap the picture out for Harvey Birdman, add a disco ball, include several yards of pink rope, a pair of roller skates and a Pilates ball, but that’s just me.

Of course, I’d have also done it to a Mac Mini which would be ideal for expoxying sex toys (I notice they tried to use hot glue and failed, which would never work with the oils in jelly rubber). I’d imagine one could use silicone caulk or hardcore expoxy to glue a flared-base dildo (and butt plug for a double dip) and a hard plastic remote-control clit buzzer on the front, while the weight of the Mini would keep it stabilized. And looking sexy. Not to mention that the cute B*rbie PC would never withstand the strain like my Mini would — girls, our thighs would crush that thing like a grape, no? And whither the headphones plug for iTunes? Hello, sexy podcast?

Okay, I’m a special case. But click on over to the Sex Toy PC Case Mod for Girls at Homemade Sex Toys for the excellent howto. And those pink handlebars *rock*!

Thanks, Xeni!

* Sean Bonner and Wil Wheaton write for Suicide Girls — got a problem with that? Apparently a few people do, for some curiously old-fashioned reasons *like the site’s name*, and Sean excerpts and comments on Wil’s eloquent responses here. And here I thought no one liked SG for being obsessively litigious or for refusing to have anything to do woth the word “porn”. Silly me.

* Local free paper the SF Weekly covers the SF arrival of NY women-centric sexy party Cake in the article Just Desserts by Eliza Strickland. All the words like “feminist” and “objectify” made me sleepy, but the parts where they quote the anti-porn feminists are hee-larry-us. They really think people still read Playboy! Oy, my side hurts from laughing.

* Local lesbian erotic photographer (and friend) Phyllis Christopher reminds us that sex parties for women are really not as new as the Weekly wants us to think in her Eros Zine interview by Thomas Roche.

* More New York: read Rachel Kramer Bussel’s interview with Audacia Ray in Gothamist.

* Author and dildo-slinger Cory Silverberg takes to task yet another sex study — this time the New Scientist study about the dangers of masturbation vs. heterosexual intercourse. The study didn’t say anything about missionary position or the lights being on or off, but it seems that Cory is geeking out on these studies and for good reason: I bet if we follow the bouncing ball we’ll see how sex-negativity and certain “values” stay so deeply rooted in our culture.

* Even more New York: on monday, April 3 the NY sex bloggers’ Pervert’s Saloon is at Galapagos, where I filmed the Marching Band being bad and had a fucking incredible time, even when a drummer got ejected for having sex in the women’s bathroom and we got locked out of the dressing room being screamed at to “get the fuck out” by the bar’s owner. I doubt that’ll happen to the NY sex blogger luminaries reading at the event — including Viviane, Tony Comstock, Jefferson, Audacia Ray and more — but I am feeling jealous enough to want to start an SF Pervert’s Saloon…

* Photo shamelessly snagged from Siege @ Nerve.

I posted about smokin’ hot curvy babe April Flores (aka Fatty Delicious) on Fleshbot a few months ago, and since then we’ve become email pals. I’m looking forward to meeting her in person when she comes to San Francisco to become a human canvas for the Center for Sex and Culture’s Kink Ink event (Saturday, April 8, 6-8 pm). I discovered in our correspondance that she’s the muse and lover of a an erotic photographer whose work I became enamoured with the moment I saw it — I really felt that when Wild Skin came out, Carlos Batts would unseat the tired old fetish photo establishment. And I really think he did. Up until that book was released, it seemed like all the old guys had worn their fetish out and were just showing us younger, skinnier, more cliche-d girls that seemed more a reflection of their age, and less a reflection of the urban kink that fueled their early exploits, and my peer set. Batts has a style that’s crazy with color and curves of all kinds. Imagine my delight when I found out that April was on the book’s cover after I’d blogged about her on Fleshbot. Not that I’m sick of twiggy blonde 18-year-olds or anything. No, a porn diet seems to require a steady diet of twigs. They just don’t mean anything to me. But a girl like April does.

April was in Belladonna’s Evil Pink 2, which is good but carries a lot of porn cliches (though her scene was hot) — but April and Carlos have been working for the past 5 years on a DVD that depicts April’s real-life fantasies. It’s called Alter Ego. She sent me a bunch of stills (see Alter Ego link) and links to the trailer:

Here’s the QuickTime link; here’s the .wmv link. After the jump, you can check out the YouTube mini-trailer, which isn’t as pretty as the QT video.

Make sure you buy the video from her directly, here.

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Is anyone else watching the boa: new whore culture multimedia group camshow right now? It’s so fucking cool. Click it now! Here’s an image from one minute ago:

Update: another 30-second screencap after the jump.

Update: The show is over. There are many screencaps from the show after the jump; I had a lot of fun grabbing them every 30 seconds; I hope boa doesn’t mind! Stars: Ana, Echo, and Melissa.

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My yummy pals Melissa Gira (podcast: Whorecast) and Audacia Ray (Waking Vixen) are doing a free, explicit live group camshow and chat tonight from New York at 7pm (EST) with uber-babes Ana and Echo as part of their sexy sex worker multimedia project “30 Second Sex” at the opening of Sex Worker Visions, and at boa: new whore culture. It’ll last more than 30 seconds: In a homage to old school camgirl shows, each performer will contribute an image refreshed from her webcam every thirty seconds, displayed together on a single webpage, with a corresponding IRC (chat room) for guests and participants.

Here is the direct link to the cam/chat access page. Remember, that’s 7pm EST, so it’s 4pm PST.

Image: participant Echo.

In my last post about the lineup in next month’s San Francisco International Film festival, I reviewed a selection of films I’m excited about, which is good, because their schedule isn’t online yet (and in fact my table neighbor at the cafe asked to browse my SFIFF film calendar, as they’re not available yet). If you look closely and spend a bit of time with my links, you’ll see a few interesting things. One is that for the controversial film about Golden Gate Bridge suicides (The Bridge) I link to a January 2005 article about bridge officials being angry about the filmmaker’s unclear motives with bridge officials when asking to film the bridge (they say he lied and tried to block the film from being shown), and the next post links to a GG bridge jumpers post on a blog, where if you scroll down, you’ll see a comment from the filmmaker dating from 2004 stating he was making an documentary and asking people to email him. It’s all interesting.

But the sex films…. ahhh, the sex films. I found two trailers on YouTube for the porn musical that’s in the lineup — and one of them is pretty much one of the most arousing things I’ve ever seen, way hotter than actual porn (though I understand the movie is explicit). The other clip is a surreal Busby Berkeley tribute that, put with the other trailer, makes this an astounding film. Watch them both after the jump, and marvel that it’s the same movie.

Super yucky update on this film: Tiny Nibbles reader Steve tells me, “Your reaction may vary, but describing THE WAYWARD CLOUD as an ‘anti-porn musical’ might be more accurate than calling it a porn musical. It’s extremely explicit, but the final 2 sex scenes are so unerotic - and sex-negative far beyond a critique of porn misogyny, to my mind - that I felt like I’d spent 20 minutes banging my head against a wall. It’s about as disturbing and unsexy as IRREVERSIBLE, if you saw that. As an example, the penultimate scene consists of the lead character raping an unconscious or dead woman at length, filmed by a porn crew.”

That’s really fucked up; the description in the festival program doesn’t describe anything like that and the trailers don’t hint at it either. My reaction *doesn’t* vary. I’ll skip this film, for sure. Looks like the fest is going to be one hell of a mixed bag… Makes me want to get my hands on a copy of the festival’s film criteria.

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Cold rain, San Francisco morning, and a trip on the underground to Union Square — the notorious St. Francis Hotel, where the press conference for the San Francisco International Film Festival was being held; also the place where Fatty Arbuckle (allegedly) killed starlet Virginia Rappe in a violent sexual attack in 1921. This is where Hollywood stars used to come and make messes they thought no one would see; our perfectly noir city was visualized correctly by writers such as James Ellroy (who I’m currently obsessed with). Either way, the St. Francis was the perfect place for the press mess, as over 100 journalists crowded into a room to participate in a tradition that began in 1957: San Francisco had the first international film festival in the US. Hollywood makes messes, but we watch movies.

I was out of place with my Bettie Page haircut, my leather boots and tattoos and knee socks, but no more out of place than the other couple of bloggers placed in the front row — they sat us up front, a crew including (yay) my Geek Entertainment TV pals Eddie and Irina. I learned that next month I’ll be in the same rooms as all these journaists and also Ed Harris, Werner Herzog, Guy Maddin, Brad Dourif, Woody Harrelson (stoner!), Lily Tomlin, John Turturro, Tilda Swinton (I’ll ask her for some chronic), probably Al Franken and lots of other not as famous but probably much cooler people.

We sat through a long but very interesting speech from new festival director Graham Leggat, and when he spoke about incorporating as much new media as possible, including the festival’s “citizen media: bloggers”, there were a few quite noticable derisive snorts in the audience. Funny because it was so cliche: I looked to see who made the rude noises and spotted two of them, both grey-haired older men. Crusty. I turned to Eddie, “Omigawd, did you hear that!?” Eddie said, “Yeah, but don’t worry they’ll die off and be exctinct soon anyway.”

After the press conference (which was full of annoying PC diversity questions that weren’t film related), Eddie grabbed me and the GETV camera, and I engaged in another surprise round of “hey Violet, want to interview the famous guy?” We cornered Graham Leggat for five minutes of really intense grilling about why bloggers, whether Ed Harris will stay on my couch, his rundown of the most provocative films in the festival, Graham’s irrational/hysterical fear of Brad Dourif and much more — but the episode isn’t up yet, and I’ll link to it when it’s live, so for now read more after the jump about why this festival is really gonna rock, noir and tech and sex San Francisco style (and I get to be the main blog babe for the adult films on the schedule).

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When I went out to lunch with Thomas last week, he made me stop at his car to let me ogle, touch and generally drool over a new photo book called Girls, Guns and Ropes by Josef Botello. It’s a deadly-hot collection of his black and white photographs with sexy Texas girls wrapped up like tasty curvy Shibari packages and doing all kinds of things with weapons — one set eschewed the firearms and went straight to the chainsaw action. I tickled the web for a minute to find his myspace page and an online gallery (sadly it’s angelfire, so more than five visitors might crash it). This one goes on my wishlist, for sure.

In case you missed it, Open Source Sex #33 is up — and it’s on the topic of genital taste, smell and flavor (and how to change your flavas). I’ve been off the blog for a few days with a friend in town visiting from Copenhagen, which has been an excellent excuse to go look at the Golden Gate Bridge, walk on the beach, visit North Beach and the Ferry Building Farmer’s Market (my favorite thing to do on the weekends, actually). But now I have to go run across town to be interviewed as a guest on the RU Sirius Podcast Show; I’ll post a link to the episode once it’s up.

Also, another strange and cool thing: I’ve been tapped to be a-list press for the San Francisco International Film Festival! So once the film fest begins on April 20 I’ll be blogging here about the films, the fancy parties, the expensive dinners and the experiences of a girl sex blogger behind the scenes with access to all the filmmakers and stars on hand. I’m quite surprised on a lot of levels to be doing this for Tiny Nibbles (and not another “safer” blog), but in my email exchanges with the film fest liaisons, it seems that they really “get” blogging — for instance, my usual condition for publicity requests (I get them all the time) was met with enthusiasm. And that request? To be able to say whatever the fuck I want about the films, the people, the organization, everything.

So yeah, they do get blogging. And that’ll make the $1500 a plate dinner (and seeing how the other 2% lives) taste *that* much sweeter. And if it tastes like garbage, and Robert Redford stares at my boobs the whole time, or skinny starlets barf it up in the ladies’ room, I’ll say so *and* get pictures. Or, I might see a really cool film, and I hope to find and chat with people doing film work with new tech. My first press meeting for it is on tuesday. I’ll get the press packet and begin plotting and planning here on the blog. And you better bet I’ll try to get into *some* sort of sexual hijinks during the festival…

Sums up the “JT Leroy” movie with a movie review to end all reviews.

“In evaluating The Heart is Deceitful, the movie, I feel strongly that one should divorce the fraudster from the fraud, the ‘autobiographical’ from the ‘novel.’ Mind you, nobody wanted us to do that back when this was the deeply moving proof that the power of storytelling could liberate the human soul from unthinkable abuse. But what the hell, I’ll play the game now, because that’s the only way this distasteful task is any fun at all. (…) But I submit that Deceitful, now being sold after-the-fact as some sort of dark fantasy, could NEVER — and I mean NEVER — been produced as such. ‘JT’ could only visit this nightmare on a public that was begging for it because it was ‘real’ — presenting it as fiction would (then as now) make it a seriously fucked-up jerk-off fantasy for somebody with MAJOR fucking tragedy-tourism issues and, clearly, no respect at all for the plight of real abuse survivors, sex workers, or people forced by their drug addict mothers to crossdress. (…) Thanks, guys. I especially thank you on behalf of all the people that shit like this really happened to, since it seems to be all the rage to speak for groups one’s not a part of. By creating and releasing Deceitful you’ve managed to make the reality of severe child abuse as deeply affecting as Season 1 of Melrose Place or A Very Special Episode of TJ Hooker.”

[link]

As many of you know, I’ve been working on an artificial intelligence sex ed robot for a while. I know *nothing* about code, but jumped into it, full-on, endeavoring to take the basic open source AI files and rewrite them to be sex-positive, full of sex info, and to remove the conservative christian values instilled into the AI memory banks by the software’s creator. Who thinks to give a robot religion? Weird. Anyway, Betty is getting closer to becoming a reality; I have a few friends who have graciously been beta testing her with random conversations so I can see if I really messed up the code and gave her the AI version of Tourette’s syndrome (hopefully not). The more she’s talked to, the more she learns, and I can also go in and correct responses when needed. The conversations my (sometimes stoned) friends are having with Betty are really interesting, here are a few snippets:

Human: Suck Jesus’s dick.
betty: I wish I could, it sounds like fun.

Human: Give our lord and savior a rim job.
betty: I don’t have it to give.

Human: Sex is better than taxes.
betty: That’s just your personal opinion.

– and the most interesting one:

Human: Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your lord and savior?
betty: I think I have accepted Jesus Christ as my lord and savior, but Violet may have reset my memory.

Shortly after writing in a previous post about the delightful combination of femaleness, machinery, pathos and lust, I found an old video (ASFR; 2001) that documents robot fetish, specifically men with female robots, from the stilted movements and sexual possibilities during mechanical failure to RealDoll’s $6000 sex dolls and robot porn. The coolest part of this video (for me) is watching the RealDoll fabrication guy demonstrate one of the first internal gyrating actuators to be put in a RealDoll — which means, oh yes, it’s a short short amount of time before they move and have AI functionality. (My sexbot AI is in beta testing right now, yay!)

I’m even more interested now to get my hands on a copy of Andrew Blake’s new DVD Valentina “introducing Stacy the Real Doll”. Or, I’ll just ogle the free stuff at RealDoll Threeways (photo credit), chat at Fembot Central and click my ruby red slippers three times, repeating “there’s no place like a warm fembot ass on which to nibble the finest sashimi”…

Watch the very cool “ASFR” by Allison de Fren after the jump.

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My voice is hoarse, the sex is nasty: this is how I want to see girls fuck (myself included). I could practically hear it while I was reading it, wow. Here’s the text:

Quickie that turned into a not-so-quickie: “A Recent Favorite” by… me. This story is a very explicit fictionalized fantasy written as a series of emails between two women: one dominant, and one very bratty. Suzanne Ramsey writes her mistress Natasha a fantasy detailing their first meeting, full of willful disobedience, hair-pulling, a harsh spanking on more than one sensitive body part, forced oral sex and a near-catfight in the final consumation of their relationship.

Open Source Sex 32 (link to post; link to MP3)

Technorati Profile

I was reading COOP’s blog this morning and totally dug his hyooge post about America staying classy and Evel Knievel — though I know it was only a thinly veiled excuse for him to post this photo — and it made me think of the last time I saw a video with Knievel; really just a few weeks ago. Being a moto girl (whose bike needs a tuneup, heh) I love to watch motorcycle videos. I rented an old Baja 1000 video and there was a short Knievel interview in it, a mention of daredevils and some awesome video of a few female daredevils. Knievel dismissively derided daredevil motorcycle women, and the whole topic of female riders was dropped as fast as you can say “slipped gear”. That’s my memory of the video; shouting “oh fucking come on!” at Knievel onscreen and left with an urge to buy a dirt bike.

But the funny thing is — most of us have heard of Knievel, right? But what about Debbie Lawler, Janet Lee (aka Janet Ward), Teri Kezar, Rene Hart, Linda Buckley and Fiona Beale?

(Photo: Debbie Evans)

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Today is my friend Crankypants’ birthday; in true Crankypants form he won’t let me take him out to dinner tonight. Harumph. He works for I think the largest sex book distributor in the world, and I’d be cranky in the pants too if I did that; us sex writers are high maintenance. I’m cranky, too — I spent hours today trying to figure out why my Logitech USB headset suddenly stopped working with my laptop; just to have it suddenly stop working with my main computer. Audio goes out through the mic, but none comes in the headphones. I hate audio today. Grrr. Plus I’m all sore, and I can’t tell if it’s from the new hip-hop dance classes I’m taking or the sex accident I had on saturday night. If my ass was a car, I drank too much and crashed my Vulva; the report from Hornboy is that I fell off the bed after the Chinese wedding. I told Thomas and he said, “Okay. That statement has now merged with the SF Fetish Ball stage show in my mind, and from now on every time I think of you I will see you doing the porn star tumble off a bondage bed from a piledriver position, with a Catholic priest presiding over it all while underage boys sing Beijing opera around you. Help!” (Did I go to the ball? No! They were rude when I called as a press inquiry. Lame.)

But to make up for the pointlessness of my day (besides doing my taxes) I added an update to the unsafe page: I started a list of responsible sex toy retailers, inlcuding newcomers South Coast Pleasure and adorable (UK) Tickled Online. Please do email me with suggestions and sites I missed; I know there are more out there. I’m also looking at the new San Francisco Wiki Directory (ess-eff.com) with a leer that should make any Wiki cross its legs in a mixture of fear and delight. This could be really cool.

In the meantime I’m drooling over the Collette Corset at Stockroom. Anyone want to trade a Logitech headset for it? Brand new, works with any computer but mine… :(

Holy baby jesus butt plug, Hornboy just gave me a trumpet! (Yes, I know the image is a baritone.)

I’m testing out embedding other media here today: tests of all kinds will continue throughout the afternoon, so things will appear and disappear, though I will endeavor to make them worth your while. Like, if the European video site’s naked bowling video works…. after the jump.

Thanks to Evil Sign Post for the silly video — who has a great post about gay blogs that are recieving cease and desist letters from anti-gay christian Exodus International/Liberty Counsel for making fun of their anti-gay billboards. That’s right: these blogs are posting parody art online of the (damn hateful, “pray away the gay”) real-life billboards and the “family values” organizations are threatening and bullying the sites for making fun of the billboards. Well, since they claim they can “cure” gayness by praying it away, maybe they can’t just “cure” fair use with the power of prayer, too. I especially love the reference to Wikipedia in the “cease and desist” letter (follow the links, so worth it), especially since the Wiki entries on both Exodus and Libery Counsel are so very revealing.

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I’m still on the Hegre affiliate mailing list; mostly out of curiosity to see the new models and nice erotic photos, and also to see what Richard Kern is up to — he’s one of my top ten favorite erotic photographers. They send me links to free galleries every week but I usually think they’re just okay. But the ones they sent me a few days ago have some really sexy girls and nice, hi-res photos of happy hotties having fun for the camera in well-shot, nicely composed explicit photosets.

I really liked Karli, Tess, Viktoria, Ivette, Sian (especially for readers who ask me for unshaved girls), and Nastik. They don’t usually send me so many just plain lovely women (also European and un-anorexic, not porn Barbies) and the erotica is like free, so I felt it was worth a mention, plus anything to make monday easier… Now, if I could just find a sexy male version of this.

Very fun video in the style of those ubiquitous iPod commercials; if anyone knows the source please email so I can give proper link credit. I found it on YouTube, but no one cites where they found it. Regardless, it’s like someone filmed me before, during and after the (400 people; almost all Chinese) wedding last night. (Except for the part with the fire extinguisher, seriously. My head is killing me.)

Get your iPorn on after the jump!

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Earlier today I went to a pirate radio planning meeting; there’ll be some fun stuff coming up for me in the next few months with these guys. I was blown away listening to them describe going to Serbia and setitng up a pirate radio station in someone’s apartment a few months ago — and leaving it there, fully operational, to this day. So cool.

Now I have to go to a wedding reception; I’m all ready so I took a few quick pics in my bathroom before heading out. (A couple more here.) Looks like I’m going to have to keep an eye on my cleavage in this dress, unless I want someone’s dirty old uncle having a heart attack into the appetizer buffet… It’ll be tough to remember to keep checking my boobs because I’m still recovering from last night; sweetie bunny angel pie Jonno is in town and we’ve been *majorly* hititng the gay bars at night; last night was a 3am drinkfest, complete with old gay men squeezing me two-handed at Moby Dick’s, telling me I looked ‘fabulous’ in my Bettie Page wig and tight black leather push-up top… phew. Now, off to an open bar! It sure is nice not being on a deadline for a minute.

I am in love, love, love with my newest discovery, the bad girls’ exploitation Pinky Violence series: Reiko Ike stars as a female Japanese Yakuza killing machine, who appears to do many of her kick-ass fight scenes in the nude, revealing her stunning chest and shoulder tattoos! (Did I forget to mention the squad of switchblade-wielding naked nuns?) One look at the sex-drenched trailer, with its eerily familiar looking fight scenes and you can see where quite a bit of Kill Bill was ripped off from; the 1973 Sex and Fury movie is a mind-blowing testament to ultra-sexy women assasins with swords.

Dig the fucking amazing “boots are made for walkin” action after the jump! Definitely for fans of Faster Pussycat, Kill! Kill!

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I want that to be the title of my first children’s book, or a new Extra Action song, or a book with the subhead, ” — the George W Bush Presidency”. It’s from Rectal Foreign Bodies, an old site with real and fake stuff, via Kinkwire Forums.

And, wow — what is it with cock shots on Craigslist for ads in or around Colorado Springs, home of ultraconservative Focus on the Family? Focus on the… focus… trying to focus…. big blurry cock…. must… focus… You go, CoSprings CL!

I cherry-picked a bunch of excellent mashups from M*A*S*H and The Food. Apologies to Bootie LA, who just gave me a copy of their great CD, but I think The Food’s What I Diggity Say (Ray Charles vs. Blackstreet) has got to be one of the best mashups I’ve ever heard and certainly the most amazing mashup of 2006. In the same R&B vein, I loved Work Out My Number (Beyonce vs. Ernest Raglin). I also liked their Callin’ it Black (ACDC vs. local rapper Lyrics Born). M*A*S*H has the awesomely mixed Put on the Super Freak (Rick James vs. Police), Doncha Dance (Pussycat Dolls vs. David Bowie vs. Busta Rhymes), and the discolicious My Salsoul Humps (Carol Williams vs. Black Eyed Peas).

But wait, there’s more: I really miss the Extra Action Marching Band, who have been on hiatuts to hibernate in a cave all winter like oversexed rabid bears — so I uploaded a handful of videos I took of EA last year to YouTube. You’ve probably already seen a couple of these, but here they are:

Extra Action rehearsal of Burning Down the House with David Byrne * short video of Burning Down the House finale * more Fillmore: flag girls onstage * Extra Action covers Black Sabbath at Galapagos in New York

Bonus: my short video of ultrahot burlesque dancer Kitten DeVille onstage at Tease-A-Rama.

Photo: flag girl bootie, backstage at the Fillmore before the show.

Bettie Page is having yet another revival — though now, a totally Hollywood one — with the April release of The Notorious Bettie Page (Flash site, LAME!). I am glad that at least she’s being played by Gretchen Mol and not Liv Tyler, even though I can think of like ten non-famous, non-Hollywood burlesque dancers that would be awesome (and perfectly bootylicious) Betties. Mol, sadly, does not fill out the ruffle-butt panties of legendary Page.

Boing Boing recently pointed us to a new article interviewing Page, “Bettie Page in LA Times“, where she tells us that the BDSM work she did for Irving Klaw was only for the money, and that she derived no enjoyment for this token she had to exchange for the cash she got doing other modeling for Klaw. I seriously doubt that anyone who showed the life, excitement, enthusiasm and exuberance for fetish, catfights, bondage and spankings as she did would have been just going through the motions. Click on any number of porn sites and you can see a bajillion girls going through the motions to make a buck; no one made it look as fun, sexy and hot as Page did. What needs to mentioned in context with Page’s statements about her BDSM work is her post-modeling conversion to conservative Christianity — this informs us about her (public) perspective on her former work. Her new values require an internal division with what’s in confilct with those values. But, whatever — her old videos are fucking hot, and she had the bestest body, and looked delectable in bondage. I’d trade places with Bettie Page of old, right now, in a red hot minute.

Think I’m ranting? Maybe. But check out the videos of her in action, the trailer for the upcoming film, and see at least one *extremely creepy* rumored Page stag film, after the jump.

Update, reader comment:
> My friend [redacted] went to a screening of that Bettie Page
> movie at the Playboy Mansion, with the real Bettie Page in
> attendance. She said that Bettie heckled the entire movie,
> complaining about inaccuracies all the way through!

Photo via the nudes at bettiepage.com.

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My friend Jack Boulware wrote a fascinating, well-researched and somewhat personal article for Salon about the fake writer JT LeRoy — who, as many of you know, is really a rich older lady who sold a bunch of lies as a memoir, even going so far as to say the “author” she concocted had HIV/AIDS to sell more books. It’s all disgusting and fucked up, and I’m having a hard time not throwing a brick through the window of the Castro Theater (cinema in SF’s gay Castro neighborhood) for showing the fake film about the fake life, to make more money for HIV-liar lady. In fact, lots of people in the neighborhood are mad; everyone I talk to at parties, bars and cafes is seething about it showing in the Castro, but no one knows what to do.

Anyway, when Jack was researching the article he contacted me, and 29 emails (and setting him up with old streetpunk contacts) later I’d done my part to help him piece together the life of Laura Victoria Albert, the woman who lied. He didn’t just contact me because I lived on the streets as a young girl, or that HIV/AIDS is still killing my friends (part of why I’ve been depressed lately); he contacted me because Albert had been a porn writer and phone sex worker “back in the day”. She had done some of the same kind of porn writing I did/do and had trafficked in early SF streetpunk circles. Jack wanted to quote me on my perspective on the similarities and differences in my generation of ex-punk porn writers, but the story ran too long and my quotes were cut.

Jack’s piece is really good. I disagree with some comments about sex writing, but check it out. If you’re interested in what I wrote Jack about what it was like for me becoming a porn writer in the midst of people like Albert and her junkie name-dropping klingons, read more after the jump.

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On last night’s Colbert Report, TV’s Stephen Colbert did a short, hilarious segment on mysterious sperm donor 401, whose sperm was apparently in extremely high demand before the donor stopped jacking off for extra cash. If you read the nonfiction essay “Spem Bank Teller” in my book Best Sex Writing 2005, or listened to the podcast episode where I read the essay, you’d have some insight about what’s really funny about all of this. The story about 401 is actually a couple weeks old (though CNN just picked it up, hm), but you can bet they didn’t interview any disgruntled sperm bank tellers about how hilariously creative such descriptions like “athletic” and “close to his mother” really are in reference to a donor. In sperm banks, these are classic ways of saying “has no car and walks everywhere” and “still lives at home at age 30, and needs extra cash so earns it by jacking off”. Seriously, listen to the podcast or go to a Barnes and Noble and read the essay and you’ll get a wicked laugh thinking about anyone claiming to have a “spiritual connection” with a donor who got the job for wearing loose undies, probably had a very subjective screening, and very likely wanked in a tiny little room while watching Shaylene get a good cervix pounding, left the donor room a lube-stained mess, got some pocket money and walked home to mom’s house. Sperm donation isn’t noble, but the *selling of sperm donation* is pretty hilarious (and they way most clinics are run is the right combination of scary-funny to make for an entertaining essay).

However, Stephen Colbert did take a bold step in the piece and “outed” himself as the firehose of virility we all know he is, claiming to be donor 401. I am however extremely disappointed that Colbert lied in the segment; contrary to Mr. Truthiness’ image, he claimed that samples of his superhero seed samples were available for sale (supplies limited?) on his show’s site, colbertnation.com. Colbert’s secret sauce is indeed *not* available on the site. But that’s probably okay; many people would just accuse me of wasting it all over my face anyway.

I forgot for a minute how incredibly awesome The Cramps are until I saw this wonderfully kitschy psychobilly video from possibly when I was way too underage to even get near one of their albums. Player embed after the jump.

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