Last night’s reading was awesome — we packed the place and had six contribs from Best Sex Writing ’05 read to the full house. Quite fun; afterward I found myself in very cozy drunken bliss between Hornboy and Jake at the bar… very sexy.
I feel all turned around. I’ve been asked to whip and spank (yet another) hot boy tonight as part of an all-male revue for “ladies” and it all sounds so campy and fun… Except I found out a couple hours ago that a close friend, whom I’ve known for ten years, is suddenly in surgery today for breast cancer. Last year we lost her partner to cancer; they have a child. I love her so much. Everyone’s an ocean drowning, with no one to help you out.
Okay, I just called and opted out for tonight; fuck, I just can’t stop crying. I wept openly into my phone while I told the hot boy that I can’t make it… I started putting together the Sex Blog Roundup for Fleshbot and went into my kitchen to get an energy drink. I took out a glass and poured. I don’t know what I was thinking about. It overflowed and I didn’t even notice until I felt the cold and wet and it fizzed all over my countertop. I found my cell phone and tried to call Jonno; I still can’t fucking get through to Louisiana. But I somehow, slowly, cried and wrote the post.
I feel like all the air is gone.
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