Today I was a bit depressed. That means I was out of sorts — depression is a total stranger to me. I kind of didn’t know what to do. I found myself on my bed at three in the afternoon really unhappy. I had a hideous to-do list of work waiting for me in my tiny closet-turned-office; half work for the day job that treats me like a non-person, the other half fun projects I desperately need more time for. I forced myself off my fake fur bedspread and onto my motorcycle. Whenever I am lonely and sad, I go work at SRL. But today I woke up alone, with back pain, and forced myself to visit SRL anyway, even unannounced.

I got stuck in traffic because I forgot it was Carnival. But I thought for a minute and realized that I know two sneaky back routes to the SRL compound. The fact that I know back ways to our secret compound comforted me; I do know the City like the back of my hand. When I got there it was hot and deserted. You can’t tell our shop is there; the front is metal buildings, a sloping driveway obscured by more buildings, and a gate lined with spikes and razorwire. It was padlocked — a huge chain welded onto a gigantic rusty lock. I felt the depression creep back… it would suck to have to go back home without talking to anyone all day. So I utilized another piece of secret knowledge: our hidden call box.

Inside a row of regular-looking objects near the sidewalk is an item that opens, and in the shadowy back of it is a button. Pressing that button signals a telephone ring inside the machine shop; there are two other buttons and I know one is for talking. I rang, and bingo! I announced myself (yes, it looks weird talking into this thing on the street but there’s usually only crackheads and whores around), and a warm voice said, "we’re on our way to get you, Violet!"

(This picture is from the last SRL show in Los Angeles July 4, 2003. That’s me on the left facing the flame from the Boeing jet engine and holding the controls that operate the Running Machine; Mark in the foreground, click to enlarge).

I got a big, big hug at the gate from Eric, and another hug and smooch from Mark. I said I was lonely and sad, and that’s why I came down, and both of them concurred. Mark excitedly showed me the new space where he tore out a wall and we can fill it with more machine art junk. Then I got to see the shop’s new toy: a wood welder. A giant box on the ground warms up and then through a clunky set of heavy cords and a scary antique-vibrator-looking electrode, it transmits low-level microwaves to cook glue when sandwiched between wood. The glue bubbles and voila — instant hard seal. And to my childish delight, I found out it can cook a lot of other things too! We conjured four-inch flames and giant arcs out of it by playing it against metal tables and big wrenches. It sets calculators on fire. Metal calculators just smoke. "Will it cook a sandwich?" "I want to cook a hotdog!" Mark demonstrated what it does to bugs by folding his arms, shuddering and rolling his eyes up into his head. Wow! I can’t wait to use it on things we really need. I got caught up on the states of various projects, and plugged right into what I need to do; the Inchworm needs to have a new hydro pump put back on, and the shockwave cannon needs some work. I think this coming week I need to spend more time at the shop, and when I left had the same feeling as when I slip into my favorite t-shirt before I get in bed; comforted, like I found a little portable piece of home.

Now I’m home and have been working for several hours — I found a bottle of pinot noir and am hoping that’ll relax my back a bit. Well, okay, I did stop to have my own private masturbate-a-thon, with my favorite vibe and some new (rented) John Leslie porn. It’s weird that my own company doesn’t carry my favorite toys, or the porn I *like* to watch. I wish my company would stop discontinuing sex toys I like — I’m in an awkward position to buy toys form other companies, but what’s a girl to do when she needs to wank? I eschewed the GV work tonight and instead did a lot of updates to Tiny Nibbles, though I admittedly could spend days doing all I want to my little site. I could really use the new version of Dreamweaver. Has anyone out there tried it? I want to add several new sections, photo galleries, and I’d really like to add RSS feed to my blog. I have no idea how to do RSS, so if anyone has opinions on services such as Blogger, please let me know. Oh, and if you’re a sex writer who reads this, take a look at the call for submissions for my next book.