If you’re into links of the sexually strange, then you are no doubt familiar with the Realdoll company. They make life-like, life-sized porn-star-bodied female fuck dolls out of silicone, complete with internal skeleton, posable bodies, pubic hair, eyelashes and more creepy-yet-fascinating details than I can include here. Check out their web site, where you can see the myriad options for creating your ideal girlykin, which may be what making babies will be like in 2050. (Honey, do we want head #5 with blue eyes or head #8 with green? Pubic hair or bare?) They have a new male doll, and especially unintentionally hilarious are the pics of him lounging in the tub, slack-jawed and unblinking, ready for action. I would absolutely love the opportunity to violate this doll ten ways until Sunday, and see just what silicone boy was really made of. Okay, I guess that would be silicone.

But still, if it weren’t for the hugenormous price tag, I’d love to roll around with both a male and female Realdoll for a weekend, even with an added real live person, and if anyone wants to sponsor me doing the deed and writing an article about this scenario (and will ship screener dolls), I’m up for the challenge. Hell, if people can get rubes to pay their ridiculous charge card debts via their web sites, and solicit donations to help them get dates or boob jobs (pop-ups, no pun), then there’s hope for my "Pervert Porn Reviewer Has Realdoll Orgy Article Fund."

At AVN in January, my publisher’s booth was across from the Realdoll booth, and damn if those people aren’t just super-nice. Plus it was fun to go over and chat with them about how they make the dolls and methodically squeeze a pair of dismembered silicone boobies at the same time with no one blinking an eye. I found it strangely calming.

The whole Realdoll idea can’t help but be macabre, yet arousing at the same time (though I find lesbian vampire erotic horror movies particularly compelling — an acquired taste, I admit). It was exciting, for instance, to find out that the dolls are made in these big cases that resemble coffins, lid and all, and also are trundled around in wheelchairs as they go from hair to makeup, to body paint, etc. The display at AVN was several dolls in a bar scene, which in the already surreal atmosphere was unnervingly real out of the corner of my eye, and in pictures I took the dolls look like real porn performers standing in the background, which isn’t surprising given how porn performers look so real.

But there’s creepy, and then there’s "Is anyone going to make a Realdoll horror movie?" Of course, I’d love to work on a porn film that was only acted by Realdolls. But since discovering the web site of the guy who performs surgery on Real Dolls, my mind is reeling. How do the dolls get injured? Then I found his Blue doll, and my imagination went into overdrive. Now what I want is a Realdoll made to look like Yvonne Craig as the green bitch in that old episode of Star Trek, where she does that dance for Captain Kirk.